


Unexpected

by delba



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-06 22:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5432315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delba/pseuds/delba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maura helps Jane through a terrible shock, developing an even greater intimacy. One night, a totally unexpected kiss leaves them puzzled and confused. Now they need to figure out what to do. / Keeping it as close to reality as possible, with a mix of angst, humour, fluff and a murder case investigation. #Rizzles, of course :)<br/>(Originally posted on FanFiction.net)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intimacy

Nobody could have predicted that the killer that they'd been after for months would yell "I know I'll die tonight, but not before I do what I like best".

Nobody could have predicted that he'd kill little Vania right in front of a helpless Jane, seconds before Korsak's bullets found the exact target.

Jane had screamed Vania's name and that was the last time she spoke for almost a whole day.

As the light of the day began to hint itself through Maura's bedroom window, Jane began to stir. Her brow was tense, her lips pulled tight into a grimace. Maura ran her fingers gently over Jane's face, trying to erase the pain that was obviously winning the slumber battle.

When Jane finally awoke, she focused on her surroundings. She sat up on the bed frantically screaming the girl's name. Her voice was just a broken whisper riding on a wave of agony.

Maura tenderly surrounded Jane's shoulders with her arm, holding her forearm with her free hand.

"Let me go, Maura."

"You need to rest, Jane."

"No. I need to..."

The words died on her lips as Jane realized that there was no killer to be caught, as he was already dead. Jane sat back on her bed, eyes covered by her forearm, trying to shut out the horror of it all.

Maura's heart shrank. She could not bear to see Jane like this and feel absolutely powerless to make her feel better.

She mentally rehearsed what to say but was confronted with a string of useless commonplace phrases. So, instead of speaking, she sat back and gingerly cuddled Jane.

Jane resisted at first but Maura knew that behind the "leave me alone" facade she needed to be contained, so she persisted until Jane's head was resting on her shoulder, cradled in her arms. Jane began to relax, allowing an arm to embrace Maura -lax at first, putting pressure eventually as the anger began to emerge.

Maura caressed her back in large soothing circles until, suddenly, Jane started crying. Maura knew quite well that tears and Jane didn't mix freely or often. She felt the effort Jane was doing to fight it.

Maura cocooned Jane with her body, absorbing with all her being every shake, every sob, until the tears dried and Jane fell asleep again in her arms.

She stayed holding her, ignoring the tiredness, the hunger, the cramped arms, until Jane opened her eyes two hours later.

The profound tenderness in Maura's eye was the first thing Jane saw when she opened her eyes.

"You need to eat something." Maura whispered softly.

Jane forced a smile. "Not hungry. And I have enough with one Ma."

Maura ignored the quip. "Loss of appetite is quite closely connected to stressful situations. However, a lower food intake leads to a decrease in energy, which debilitates the body and renders it unable to fight the stress."

Jane left the warmth of her friend, sat up and rubbed her face with both her hands.

"Really, Maura… Even  _I_  know that…"

"Agreed then. You will now take a long shower while I make something to eat."

Jane startled at the stern tone of Maura's voice, and did as she was told.

 

*  *  * 

 

When Maura woke up the following morning from the soft noises in her room. Jane was already dressed for work and heading out of the bedroom.

Maura got out of bed and followed her downstairs. She tried to talk her out of it, but Jane wouldn't listen; she wouldn't even talk.

She finished half her coffee in a few gulps and left the mug on the counter. Then she got her gun out of the drawer; the same gun that she had been unable to use to stop the killer without risking killing the little girl too.

Maura saw Jane's hands shaking, the depressor angularis oris and masseter muscles drawing a heart-breaking grimace on her face. She ran to her, enveloped her with her arms and rocked her gently until Jane began to relax.

At that precise moment Maura swore to herself that she would not repeat the mistake she made years ago, when she had allowed Jane stay alone at her condo after the self-shooting incident. Jane did not fight it, which troubled Maura, but also confirmed that she had made the right decision.

Maura also knew that the typical reaction to shock, according to the Kübler-Rose model, was to move through five phases. Jane seemed to have jumped denial and anger. Bargaining and depression were next. She needed to help her reach the acceptance phase as fast as she could.

Remembering the Baxter Jennings study, she decided to create the most pleasant environment she possibly could. She started with comfort food: hamburgers with double pickle rations, pizza -all with selected meats and other organic ingredients, but hamburgers and pizza nonetheless- and a long list of other items that Maura did not consider to be food at all, but would do the job. The first two days Jane barely touched her food, but then she started with a fry, a bite of a pizza slice, until she managed to get through an entire burger.

She couldn't convince Jane to go for a run, but she did manage to get her friend to do some yoga. In one of those rare occasions when Jane had her guard completely down, Maura managed to give Jane a long massage session with aromatherapy oils, having also the chance to use her knowledge of Reiki.

After a couple of days Jane had also started to sleep without need of pills. She hadn't cried again, although Maura saw her eyes moist on quite a few occasions.

It tortured Maura to see her usually quirky and lively friend sitting listless, starting into space for long stretches of time when they were not watching tv or a movie. So she had started doing something she thought she couldn't do. She tried, at least, to make jokes and be funny. Her botched attempts did the trick, drawing genuine smiles out of Jane.

Six days went by in that cosy, intimate bubble that had them even sharing Maura's bed – never touching, but comforted with the presence next to them.

The bubble was broken only by Angela's visits during the first days, but she had stopped after Jane accused her of stifling her.

On Friday night, when they settled at the couch after a lovely dinner, Jane started to talk about really needing to get back on the horse. Maura sensed something important coming up when Jane began to nervously toy with her beer. She left her glass on the table and settled back on the couch, elbow on the backrest and head on her palm, looking at Jane, waiting.

"What? You are staring. You're making me nervous." Jane took a swig and left the bottle on the table.

"I'm sorry, it was not my intention. I was simply waiting for you to say what you are about to say." Maura soft smile exuded peace.

Jane sighed. "I am…" Her gaze turned back to bottle in her hands.

"I mean... thanks, Maur."

Maura smiled, tenderly and proud.

"Don't mention it."

"I won't. If I did, you'd end up with a house full of broken detectives."

Maura's soft laughter warmed up Jane's soul. She nudged herself closer to Maura, resting her head on the doctor's shoulder.

Maura stretched her arm around Jane and she felt Jane's arm draping over her waist, and a hand snuggly pressed against her side.

This was not the first time they shared a quiet, intimate moment but, somehow, they were now closer than they'd never been, basking in an overwhelming feeling of security, protection, and closeness. They sat silently, Maura's fingers idly playing with Jane's hair, and Jane's fingers doing the same with Maura's back.

"Maura?"

"Hm?" Maura's eyes were closed. Her contented smile made her almost glow.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Don't tell what?" Maura turned her face towards Jane, amused.

"Me breaking down like a rag doll."

"Well, technically, rag dolls do not break down. Cars do. Rag dolls-" Maura stopped when she saw the exasperated look on Jane's face and smiled apologetically. Placing a finger under her friends chin, she brought Jane's face towards her, so she can meet her eyes.

"Do you seriously think I would talk about you with others?" Her brow was slightly furrowed, eyes tender.

"If they asked you a direct question, you wouldn't lie."

"I don't have to lie if I say you took a few well deserved days off, which is true."

Jane stared into those hazel eyes that were smiling at her filled with warmth, peace, and happiness. Her own eyes smiled back, and then her whole face followed. They gazed into each other's eyes for a long while and then, suddenly, Maura dropped her head and touched Jane's lips with her own.

Jane froze, but then her lips gently pushed back against Maura out of their own accord. It wasn't a heated, passionate kiss. It was, simply, a soft, tender contact of flesh.

Maura's clinical mind instantly recognized the physical telltale signs of arousal: palpitations, shallow breathing, contraction of the bulbospongiosus muscles, but the processing was rapidly left in the background. Beyond the mere physical aspects, she was mesmerized by this new form of expression of the care, respect, admiration, and closeness she felt for Jane.

Sensing no resistance, Maura's lips took a life of their own.

Jane, on the other hand, felt the initial surprise replaced by an onslaught of feelings rendering her helpless to fight. She couldn't ignore the fact that it was Maura who was kissing her; her friends' perfume and softness made sure of that. She couldn't ignore either the fact that she was being kissed by a woman -kissing a woman! - for the first time in her life.

And yet, she had never, ever experienced a kiss quite like this one.

It wasn't just the softness. It tasted and felt so fundamentally different from any kiss she'd experienced before. Those lips imprinted on her a feeling of something deep, something that felt so much like love. They  _were_  loving her with a profound tenderness; the caring feeling in that touch was completely unknown to her.

She stopped thinking completely when her body took over, demanding more.

The feelings in both of them escalated until they couldn't breathe anymore. The kiss ended as suddenly as it had started. Their faces remained close, but far enough for Jane to see Maura's face distorted with a look of horror.

"Oh God, what have I done? I'm so sorry Jane, I … just don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry…"

Jane's confusion was instantly replaced by worry.

"Shh, Maura, don't… It's okay... in a weird kind of okay, but it's not like you hit me or something." Maura cast her eyes down and realized that Jane had not broken the embrace, although Jane's posture was way more rigid than before.

"You are," Maura frowned. "How do say it... freaking up, aren't you?" probed Maura.

Jane rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to say 'freaking  _out'_ , Maura." Jane looked at her arm still laying over her friend, thinking she should remove it. "And I don't know how I am."

Maura nodded. "Me neither. This is just so… unexpected."

"No kidding." Jane questioned Maura with her eyes, the detective in her waking up. "So... Is it  _really_  unexpected? I mean you didn't, you know... before now?"

"Oh, god no! Clearly not! I would have told you."

She frowned, surprised at Jane's suspicion of a lie, and her eyes lost focus.

"I am as surprised as you but," She shrugged. "Given the level of intimacy we've shared over the past few days, and our close friendship, maybe it shouldn't be surprising to express the closeness in various manners. Nothing more. It is not uncommon-" Maura shifted in her seat, trying to regain her usual controlled posture.

"Hmm ... Not uncommon to kiss your best friend like that." repeated Jane, bewildered.

Maura ventured to steal a glance at Jane and saw in her eyes a mixture of confusion, amusement, and surprise. But behind it all, it was clear that Jane had began to retreat. She felt despondent.

Given that this was her first real friend, her only female friend, she was not aware of the social etiquette in this situation. Kissing your female best friend like that maybe was actually not as common as her rational mind would have her believe, she reflected.

Jane pulled her arm away from Maura and sat back on the couch, her hand over her eyes. After a few moments of silence, she spoke softly.

"Maura?"

"Yes?" Maura braced herself for the expected rejection.

"I really don't want you to feel bad. It takes two, you know …"

"As in 'it takes to two tango', you mean"

Jane snorted, shaking her head. "Yes, well done. And to...well... To do what we did."

"You mean kiss, right?"

Jane winced. "That, yeah..."

Maura was perplexed. The conversation was not developing how she had estimated it would.

"What are you trying to say, Jane?"

"Well, I did not push you away." Jane looked down and took a sip of her beer, as if trying to hide her face behind the brown glass.

"No, you didn't. That's true." Maura raised an eyebrow, reflecting on this new point of view.

"I kinda… hm… reacted to it. Big time." The words chased each other, as if trying to hide between themselves.

"Reacted big time?"

"God, Maura, why do you always need to be so explicit?"

Maura's eyes reflected understanding. Her lips mouthed a silent 'Oh'.

Jane ran a hand through her hair. "At least I'm glad Ma didn't barge in. Just imagine..."

"That would have been rather awkward." Maura laughed, releasing part of the tension.

"Who knows..." Jane shook her head, narrowed eyes lost in space. "You know, sometimes I swear I think she thinks that you and I…"

"As does half the precinct?" Maura added.

A sneer took over Jane's face. "Jane the butch. Jane the tomboy. Maura the femme. Right." She waved her hands. "But I like men. I do not date women. And I am not butch."

"You are not butch. Tomboy would be technically a more appropriate label, if you must claim one. But it does not matter, not really. And I also like men, Jane."

Jane ignored Maura's rambling, carrying on as if she had never stopped. "And you are my best friend. My family. Maura, this is really weird."

Maura looked away, agreeing in silence. The space between them had grown larger than the actual distance between their bodies, making her shiver.

"Your beer is empty. Let me get another one." She went to the kitchen and got two beers. After settling back down on the couch, at a reasonably safe distance from Jane, Maura apologized again.

"I'm really sorry, Jane. Not only is this alone is enough to confuse things, I had to do it when you-"

"When I'm what?" Jane looked up, her eyes fierce. "When I'm incredibly sad, impotent beyond words, frustrated, but also feeling cared for as I've never been in my life?"

Maura was stunned. The words had come out in a storm, chasing each other making explicit all the unsaid feelings that had been bubbling for over a week.

Jane was not done blurting out, although her voice came out softer. "Maura, I have no idea what just happened. I can't figure it out, but there is little I can figure out these days."

"So can we forget about it?" begged Maura.

Jane looked at the untouched beer in her hands. "Not sure I can..."

Maura looked down, biting her lower lip.

"Maur, I'm not saying it in a bad way. I- I just don't know, okay?"

Jane reached out to Maura's hand.

"Maur, look at me". Maura obliged.

"I love you, Maur. You are my best friend ever. I'm not into women but I …" Jane took a deep breath. "I… oh shit, this is so weird. I told you. I-I liked it. A lot. Ok?"

"You did?" Maura snapped out of her remorseful state.

Jane nodded tiredly.

"So it is okay for me to say that I did too?"

"It's still weird, Maura."

"Indeed. I have to say that, despite the consensus that sexuality is a wide spectrum, it seems easier said than done. At least in this case."

Jane smiled, almost amused, shaking her head. "Well, at least you got my head out of... you know..."

Maura stretched her lips but didn't smile.

They remained in silence, not touching, not looking, for a long time.

It was Jane who broke the silence. "Maura, I am going back to work. Tomorrow."

"Are you sure? Is it because…", she drew with her index finger a circle in the space between them.

Jane smiled. "No, I said I'm going back to work. Didn't say I'm running away."

"Oh, right, of course." Maura's back straightened up. "Well, if that's what you need, I think it's going to be good for you. I'll be here. There, I mean…" Looking at Jane, Maura realized she did not have to over explain herself.

"I know..." Jane extended her arm and took Maura's hand in hers. Then reached over and placed a quick, tender kiss on Maura's cheek.

"I think we better go to sleep now. We'll have time to deal with this tomorrow."


	2. Breakwater

The day was bright, sunny. Maura was already busy making breakfast when Jane woke up. After getting dressed, Jane made a beeline for the fresh cup of coffee that Maura had made for her. Neither said anything beyond a slightly awkward 'G'morning' - almost as if they had an implicit arrangement.

It was just like any other morning.

But as they moved around the kitchen, Jane became quite aware that they functioned like a long-time married couple in a perfect, silent synchrony. She blocked the thought, as she had done with all other thoughts regarding the previous night, and focused on the wonderful coffee while doing a routine check on her oddly silent phone.

"Maura..." mumbled Jane, holding her phone up for Maura to see.

"Do we have a call?" Maura started searching in her bag for her phone.

"No, no calls. Do you know what day it is?"

"Yes, it is Friday."

Jane turned off her phone and slouched. "Nope. It's Saturday."

Maura looked baffled.

"I should still go to the precinct." Jane told Maura, but it sounded as a question.

"On a Saturday? Why?" Maura cut a piece of her toast.

"Need to get out." Jane stopped and looked at Maura freezing in mid-motion, mortified. "No, no, don't get me wrong…"

"That's understandable. I can use with a bit of fresh air myself, to be honest." She took a small sip from her mug. "You know, your workload will not disappear for working one Saturday." Maura's voice was firm. "Let's go out for brunch."

"Brunch? As long as they have loads of bacon and oily eggs." Jane quipped, shrugging. "But yes, maybe you're right. It's going to be good to be out." She frowned as she heard the words leave her mouth. "Hm. That did not sound good."

Maura looked at her confused. Jane sighed.

The doctor, still oblivious, began to clear the kitchen counter. "Finish your coffee and grab your coat. I have a wonderful idea."

 

*  *  *

 

"Gloucester?" Jane looked at the fishing boats on the busy harbor and grinned. "Do you realize that George Clooney is not really a fisherman living here, right?" Her eyes lit up, amused. "Let's hope we don't get a Perfect Storm today."

Maura dismissed the quip with a smile and a sweep of her hand. "Research shows that the sound of waves alters wave patterns in the brain, inducing a deeply relaxed state. It helps rejuvenate the body and mind."

Jane rolled her eyes, exasperated also by the effect of the strong sea breeze on her hair. She held her mane in place with one hand, blowing rebel strands off her face. "Sure. Untying knots is a relaxing exercise. I am younger already."

Maura rummaged her bag, smiling. She stretched her hand, holding a fancy elastic band. "Come with me. I know this quaint little coffee shop, perfect for brunch."

After a considerable amount of bickering, Jane had to admit that Maura's plan was actually a good one, in an unexpected kind of way. The place was nice, the coffee even better, and the day was actually warm and sunny for October. The people around them strolled as if on holidays. Even Maura's face was completely distended, her eyes lost in something outside the window. For a moment the whole world seemed at peace. Except for her. She closed her eyes, took a slow, deep breath and let the strong coffee aroma and the buzz of the place envelop her while the sun streaming through the window warmed her face, blocking out thoughts and memories. As she relaxed, she started to distinguish all those different emotions she had been drowning in for a week. She could taste guilt, frustration. Riding under them, an overarching weakness that fed them both. And above all of it, the most recent confusion and a new need she did not dare to name. She had no idea why  _it_  had happened; the detective in her cringed at her inability to see clues or to understand motives. A moment of needy weakness didn't explain why she enjoyed so much what had happened between them.

When Jane felt Maura's hand on her arm, she smiled apologetically and made an effort to disarm the mounting inner roller coaster.

"I want to show you something." Maura raised a hand towards the waitress.

Maura drove them out of town, along the bay. A short while later they parked by the sea, close to the longest breakwater that Jane had ever seen. It seemed to be at least half a mile into the ocean, with a tiny dot of a building at the end.

"Oh god. You are not serious." Jane pointed at the endless rocky construction tearing the sea.

Maura nodded and laced her arm through Jane's. "We're going for a little stroll. It's a perfect day: no waves, not too cold, even the wind has stopped. It will be good for us."

As they walked, Maura gave her a brief history of the breakwater. "Even before they had finish building it, almost 40 ships had crashed into it. And still, it was safer than the reef below. It was built at the turn of the century, in 1902 and..." Maura's voice trailed off as she realized Jane was not really listening.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, passing a few lone fishermen along the way.

Jane allowed herself to take in the beauty of the open sea. The wind had become a mellow fresh breeze, and she could feel the midday sun warming her face.

A while later they arrived at the steel pillars that supported a small wooden white building with a striking red roof. They sat on one of the rocks beneath the structure, the sun behind them. The water was calm and extending far beyond their sight.

Looking at the length of the breakwater and how far they were from the shore, Jane silently prayed for the weather to stay calm. She sat back, leaning on her hands behind her, knees bent. All she could hear were the gentle waves lapping at the rocks beneath them.

The surrounding emptiness made the intensity inside rush back out, overwhelming her. She felt so far from everything, from everyone. And yet, they were all here with her: Vania, her killer, all the killers, the victims, their families and… And Maura.

_Oh god, I kissed Maura_ … She sat up, her elbow on one knee, covering her face with a hand.  _Maura was right; this place does things to you._ Jane felt chest starting to expand. She swallowed the knot building up, took a deep but quiet breath hoping Maura wouldn't notice, and pressed her lips together to stop them from trembling. Her fists closed tight inside her pockets, but eventually the tears won the battle. She wiped the first one as casually as she could, and something akin a steely fury crept over the wake of her fingers.

"Why, Maura? Why…" The words came out in a hoarse whisper. Jane shook her head, snorting in disdain. "I am so  _weak_ …"

Maura's instinctive reaction was to touch Jane to soothe her, but her friend needed to get it all out of her chest - no over protection this time, she decided.

"How could I lose it like that?" Jane kept shaking her head. "And why can't I stop thinking about your… you know… our…?" Jane cast her eyes down, defeated in the battle to keep her emotions in check, but strangely relieved after having opened up.

"I know I said it already, but I am truly sorry, Jane, specially considering the weight you've been bearing."

Jane shifted her head and looked at Maura at out of the corner of her eye. "We should forget it, right?" Jane ventured.

Maura looked away, far into the sea, and took a deep breath. "Can I speak frankly?"

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Do you ever not?" The words sounded sarcastic, but they were born out of fear. Jane wasn't sure she was ready to hear what Maura had to say.

Maura laughed. "True." She let the sea breeze fill her, absorbing some of that relaxing magic it was supposed to have. "I keep thinking that what happened must have been a sum of factors, but not necessarily equating to a substantial change in the nature of our relationship."

Jane raised both eyebrows. "Say what?"

Maura pursed her lips, blinked twice, and looked down at her manicured fingers as they played with the hem of her coat. "I have realized that we have tendency to flirt with each other, however unintentionally, and that it might have been hiding something."

"I do not flirt with you, Maura!" Jane frowned, wincing.

"We do, Jane. It's part of our usual friendly banter. It always amused me because it's harmless. Never gave it a second thought. Until now, that is. " Maura expected another interruption, but it didn't come. "It may have been hiding something we're not equipped to detect or expect."

"I'm a detective. I would have  _detected_  it", Jane retorted.

"Perhaps. It is not uncommon for people to discover changes later in life."

"I'm not  _later in life_!"

"But you are. And so am I." Maura flickered one shoulder. "In any case, that is not the point I was trying to make."

"And the point is?" Jane was dreading the point.

"I think we should double-check the evidence we have at our disposal to reassess the situation."

Jane stared at Maura, lines crossing her forehead. "Should we autopsy ourselves?"

Maura smiled. After a brief pause, she straightened up, summoning all the courage she could muster. "Actually, I was thinking of kissing you again, but without an emotional build-up or physical intimacy prior to it, to confirm that it was an odd occurrence due to a heightened emotional state."

Jane froze, her blinking the only movement in her body.

Maura spoke with a calm voice as composed as if doing a routine examination. "Unless, of course, you prefer to let time erase the memory, and never speak of it again."

"I… well… I do not want to talk about it, but... Shit, I don't know." Jane admitted in a whisper, looking towards the sea.

Maura saw Jane's expression change, from shocked to pensive to resolved.

Suddenly, Jane turned her head towards Maura, holding her eyes for a few seconds with an indescribable expression.

Then she spoke again.

"Kiss me."

It was little more than a hoarse whisper, but to Jane those words sounded as loud as a cannon. Her bravado was meant to tell the world that she was not weak, that she was not a coward, and that she was not afraid. But suddenly she felt terrified.

Maura wasn't sure she had heard correctly until she saw Jane looking at her as a deer would look at an oncoming car. She looked so adorable with her eyes opened wide, her eyebrows pushing towards each other, trembling.

"Are you sure?" softly questioned Maura.

"I thought you wanted to?" replied Jane, her resolve waning. "Let's get it over and done with."

Maura close the distance between them, leaning on one hand, eyes fixed on Jane's expectant gaze. Every inch she covered brought with it a different sensation. First, anticipation and doubt. Then, the dread of ruining everything. And finally, as she was two inches from Jane's lips and lowered her eyes to focus on them, she felt a tremor cursing through her entire body.

She covered the last inch and brushed Jane's lips with her own. She did not apply pressure. It was a tentative probe. The rushing sound in her ears shocked her. Her whole body reacted with such intensity that she felt dizzy.

The experiment was  _not_  yielding the expected results, she decided, breaking the contact as slowly as she had initiated it, eyes still closed, terrified of opening them and seeing Jane's reaction, of admitting her own reaction.

Before she could open them again, she felt Jane's lips again. This time, the contact was fuller; the touch infused with a timid sensuality that made her heart beat in every place of her body.

Maura allowed herself to get lost in it, feeling a hunger she had not felt the first time around. She needed more contact. Her free hand moved up towards Jane. Her fingers found Jane's face, her soft neck, and pulled her closer.

The kiss deepened, and Maura heard Jane's faint whimper against her lips. At that moment, Jane stopped the free fall. Their lips separated, but they stayed together, foreheads touching, eyes closed.

"Damn." Jane whispered hoarsely.

"Language, Jane…"

Jane laughed, leaning backwards.

The rush of cold air on her skin made Maura shiver. She searched for Jane's eyes. They were focused on her, pleading.

Maura lightly caressed her face and smiled. "I'm not sure what to say, Jane."

"Bad,  _bad_  time to run out of theories and studies." Jane's lips attempted a smile but her frown betrayed it.

Maura looked down. After a moment, she extended her hand towards Jane, palm up. Jane's own hand hesitated, but reached out and locked with Maura's..

"Jane?"

"Mm?"

Maura smiled at the vast ocean at her feet, then smiled at Jane.

"No matter what, we are going to get through this, together. That's what best friends are for, right?"

Jane squeezed Maura's hand and smiled tenderly at her friend.


	3. Park Bench

Jane's stomach rumbled.

"Oops, sorry." Jane gave Maura her best sheepish grin.

Those two words where the first either had said since they got into the car after leaving the breakwater -and their kiss.

"The ancient Greek called that sound  _borborygmi_ ," explained Maura, her eyes still lost in the horizon over the sea. "It is actually a rather natural phenomenon, produced by waves of peristalsis resulting from a fluctuation of electrical potential in the smooth stomach muscle cells, and-"

Jane raised her hand. "You lost me at borborigami, Maura." She shuffled in her seat, trying to get her stomach to be quiet.

"It is borbo _rygmi_ " noted Maura, stealing a smiling sideways glance at her friend.

"Right, sashimi. That is exactly what I need now." Jane sighed, losing the rumbling fight.

Maura gave her a wide smile, shaking her head. "Good idea. We can-"

Their phones rang almost in unison, startling Jane. Twisting in her seat, she reached inside her pocket. They both answered their phones at the same time. It was work. The caller ID on Jane's phone was 'Korsak'.

"Rizzoli." She answered trying to decide if she was grateful or annoyed.

"Isles." Maura echoed.

They looked at each other, blinking in silence.

"Jane." Korsak said gravely. "Sorry to disturb you, not sure if you are up to it, but I could really use your help."

"Hey! What's up?" Jane tried to sound casual, but a call like this meant more dead people. Also meant ending abruptly her day with Maura.

"Frankie is down with the flu, booked off by the doctor until Tuesday. And we have two bodies sitting on a park bench. Not a good thing to have on a Saturday afternoon."

Jane scrambled to get her writing pad out of the pocket when she saw Maura waving a little piece of paper with an address scribbled on it.

"OK. We… I'm out of town. Can be there in about 45 minutes, maybe less." Jane looked at Maura, who nodded.

The ride back was silent. Jane felt elated to be back in action, but the memory of their moment in the pier, the kiss, was still too fresh, and way too unsettling.

Fifty silent minutes later they got off the car and approached the crime scene. When Jane saw Korsak standing beyond the police line she headed directly for him. Maura stopped her gently, her hand in Jane's forearm.

"Are we ok?" Maura eyebrows were tense, her eyes soft, almost pleading.

Jane couldn't help a quick glance at Maura's lips before going back to those eyes that were trying to smile. She covered Maura's hand with hers and nodded.

"Always." She gave Maura a wide smile, a twinkle in her eyes hiding the strong thumping inside her chest. As Maura headed for the park bench where the two bodies sat, Jane approached Korsak.

They looked at each other, nodded a soft silent complicity, and hugged -a short but intense meeting of shoulders. Jane patted Korsak's shoulder twice and took a step back, looking at the scene.

"A jogger found them," Korsak pointed at a young woman, sitting on a police car. "She stopped close to them to tie her shoe laces, and saw that they looked too pale and still to be asleep. She called it in from her mobile phone." He handed Jane their purses, and she found inside their drivers' license.

_Dorothy Longhorn and Elizabeth Benson_. Not sisters.

"No other witnesses?" Jane asked Korsak.

He shook his head.

Jane looked around. The park was teeming with people enjoying the unusually warm October afternoon.

_How can two women die in a park bench and nobody noticed anything?_

A young patrol officer joined them and asked Korsak to come with him. Jane got closer to take a look without getting in Maura's way.

They were two women in their 70s, Jane estimated. They were sitting right next to each other, their upper arms and legs touching. The shorter one had her head leaning over the taller one's shoulder. They exuded style, just like Maura would if she were that age. Their hair seemed fresh out of an expensive beauty salon; their clothes fitted them as if tailored. Even the shoes, as comfortable as they seemed, looked sculpted on them. Their faces were placid and a soft smile curled their lips.

It wasn't only their appearance that intrigued Jane; the body language was a sure sign of closeness. A shiver travelled up Jane's spine. It was clearly not a violent murder, but the odds of two simultaneous natural deaths were slim.

She approached Maura when she finished the examination. "What do we have?" Jane pointed her chin at the bodies, hands resting on her belt.

Maura stood up, tugging slightly at her jacket to adjust the flawless fit. "I'll need to examine them more closely. There are no obvious markings or signs of a violent death." Maura meticulously removed the gloves, rolled them up and discarded them in a marked bag next to the CSI kit.

"Time of death?" Jane had been wondering just how long those two women had been sitting dead; just how many people ran or walked past them, thinking nothing of two women enjoying the sun on a warm October day.

"Somewhere between 7 and 10 am."

"They died sitting on that bench?" Jane frowned.

Maura tilted her head slightly and hesitated for a beat before speaking. "There are no signs of them being moved here." She pointed at the skirt of the woman closest to her. "Look at the hem of her skirt. It is exactly where it should be, the way one should do it to avoid wrinkling the fabric."

Maura bent her knees slightly. With an exaggerated gesture, she ran the back of her hands over the back of her thighs demonstrating the gesture of sitting down with a skirt.

Jane covered her mouth with her fingers, thumb pressing her cheek, barely hiding her amusement.

"What?" Jane straightened up again.

"Ma tried to teach me that and—"

Korsak walked in mid-sentence. "Teaching Jane to curtsey?"

Jane laughed as Maura feigned being upset. "Curtsey moves are rather different and—"

Korsak waited patiently for the two friends to stop their trademark banter.

"Maura said that they died right there." Jane explained to Korsak, regaining her professional tone. "If this is murder, it is the least violent one I have ever seen." Jane turned back to the two women.

Korsak nodded. "What about suicide?"

Maura did that condescending little sideways move with her head she always did when any of the detectives started blurting hypothesis at a crime scene. "We will know about their deaths only after I've concluded proper examination, and I pass the information over to you." Maura gestured at the two men approaching the scene with a gurney, oblivious to Korsak's apologetic face. Jane chuckled, glad not to be on the receiving end of an annoyed Maura.

Maura turned to Jane and as if hitting a switch, her expression softened completely. "Let me take you home before I go to the station."

"I can take her." offered Korsak.

Jane considered her options. It felt awful leaving Maura, but could not face any processing, or risking having another  _moment_  with her. On the other hand, the last thing she wanted was to be alone, silence magnifying her conflicting thoughts. Besides, there were relatives out there that should be told what happened.

The decision made itself. "We need to find their families. That can't wait. But thanks, Korsak." Jane waited for Maura to give instructions to the gurney guys and then followed her to the car.

After a few traffic lights, Maura looked at Jane. "Are you ok?"

Jane shook her head, but that only explained part of what it was cursing through her. "That was so sad. I don't know why… They seemed so peaceful, and yet," She waved with her hands. "I don't know. There was something so sad about that scene and I can't put my finger on it. And I don't mean because they were dead."

"I know what you mean. I got that sensation too." Maura nodded, looking forward. "Let's find out what happened."

 

*  *  *

 

The station was unusually busy for a Saturday late afternoon. They grabbed a cup of coffee, a bagel for Jane and a salad in need of an autopsy for Maura before heading for the elevators.

"Let me know as soon as you have something, okay?" Jane didn't have to tell Maura, but she couldn't figure out how else to part ways.

Less than two hours ago they were passionately kissing at the end of an endless breakwater, now they were back at work and everything seemed unreal, including the need to reach out to Maura again.

Jane took a deep breath, smiled and walked away.

Maura stood there for two or three seconds, smiling at Jane's trademark swagger, trying to ignore the bite of the void inside.


	4. Sashimi

**Chapter 4:**

**Sashimi**

Maura stood right where Jane had left her. She moved only after Jane got in the lift, realizing how uncomfortable it'd be if Jane saw her standing in the same spot, staring and fully aware of the awkwardness permeating everything, as hard as she tried to conceal it all afternoon.

She finally headed for her office with her coffee and the sad looking salad. She straightened one of the masks on the wall, left the food on her desk, and went out to wash her hands. Looking around while drying her hands, she relished in the reassuring safety of the polished and controlled details of her workplace. Complete control soothed her.

The salad tasted as it looked but she was surprisingly hungry. She set a place mat over her desk, nibbled on a tomato and opened the latest issue of Forensic Science International, right where she had marked the last page read. The article, entitled ' _Fast targeted analysis of 132 acidic and neutral drugs and poisons in whole blood using LC–MS/MS_ ' had looked really promising when she first saw it. The thought of Jane glancing at the article made her smile; she probably would say that she had it on her nightstand – to help her sleep.

Jane's face lingered in the space in front of her. Suddenly Maura found herself back at the breakwater, staring into Jane's eyes, getting closer. A chill ran along her spine, crashing into the unexpected warmth spreading outwards.

She closed the magazine and rubbed the bridge of her nose. The kisses had left her wanting, disconcerted with a muted, nameless sensation that had flowed and ebbed throughout the whole day. A very distinct physiological response that she could dissect and name in Latin and that, until today, would have thought impossible to exist in connection to Jane.

And yet, there she was, unable to stop thinking, feeling, wanting, doubting, fearing.

She closed the magazine, threw the salad in the trash, and marched off to get her scrubs. The autopsy would bring both her and Dorothy some peace.

 

*  *  *  *

 

Jane took a quick glance at Dorothy Longhorn's house and understood where her glamour came from.

Korsak knocked on the door; a somewhat older version of Maura appeared seconds later behind it. She looked exhausted despite the immaculate make up and hairdo.

"Is this Dorothy Longhorn's house?" Korsak searched for his ID and showed it to the woman.

"Yes, she lives here." The curt response betrayed a mixture of annoyance and worry. Before she could speak again, the door opened wider and man showed up behind her. The woman moved slightly to one side.

"What's going on here?" He put his hand on the woman's shoulder.

Still holding up his ID, Korsak introduced them. "I'm Detective Rizzoli and this is Detective Korsak from Boston Police Department. We need to talk to you about Dorothy Longhorn."

"I'm Phil Gladworth, Dorothy's son-in-law. Come in, please."

They sat in a grand room full of expensive looking antique furniture, framed by large bay window overlooking a spotless garden.  _I wonder if Maura knows this people_ , Jane wondered as she her eyes methodically swept the room. She found Dorothy in a couple of framed pictures, almost always next to two boys – younger or older depending on the photograph. Her grandsons, Jane figured.

Jane inhaled deeply but as discretely as possible. She faced the woman. "I guess you are her daughter?"

The woman nodded. "Emma. Please, tell me what happened…" She was struggling to keep a dignify pose, but Jane knew the anguish was eating her up inside underneath the tense muscles.

"I'm so sorry to—"

"Oh, no… Oh, my god…" Looking at her husband, Emma put her fingertips over her lips, and closed her eyes. The man run his arm around her shoulders and pressed her to him, showing almost no emotion.

Jane gave them a few moments and then continued. "We are really sorry, but Dorothy was found dead this afternoon. She was sitting on a park bench with another woman her age-"

"Liz." The word came out of the man's teeth like a whip. He run his fingers through his thinning cropped grey hair. "Is she dead too?"

"Yes. Elizabeth Benson." Jane paused for a second. "We are really sorry."

The woman stood up, discretely running a finger under her eyes.

"Please excuse me, I need to go see the boys."

When she had closed the door behind her, her husband spoke calmly.

"Is she at the morgue?"

Jane nodded. "We need to conduct an autopsy to establish cause of death."

He lowered his eyes toward the fingers twisting the gold band on the left hand.

"You'll find out she has… had terminal cancer, wide spread. Her doctors told us she has… had not more than a few months to live."

Jane looked at Korsak. He raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat.

"Was she under any strong medication?"

The man nodded. "Of course. Pain, mostly. I can get it for you if it helps."

Jane thanked him and as soon as he left the room, she got up and inspected in detail some of the many photographs displayed on the bookshelves and walls.

No sign of Elizabeth anywhere.

The son-in-law came back almost immediate. He handed over to Korsak four prescription bottles, half empty.

Korsak took a bag out of his pocket and opened it, letting the man put the bottles inside.

Jane was interested in enquiring about Dorothy's will, but it could wait until Maura completed her exams.

Jane exhaled, trying to focus on the room, on the conversation that Korsak was not leading entirely on his own, but failing over and over again.

Once in the car, Korsak buckled his belt, put a hand over the steering wheel and looked at her.

"Are you okay? I know you had a rough week, and if you need more time—"

"What?" She frowned and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "No, I'm fine. Just a bad headache." She waved a hand. "Had nothing to eat since this morning."

He stared at her and nodded. "OK. Let's go to Elizabeth Benson's retirement residence and wrap up."

The residence was an imposing colonial building, surrounded by a rolling garden with trees partially covering the facade. After explaining that they were policemen and that needed to talk about Elizabeth Benson, a nurse took them to the director's office.

A stern yet elegant looking woman in her fifties sat behind a large mahogany desk at the end of a large, richly decorated office. She stood up and met them at the door, hand stretched out in front.

When Korsak told her what had happened to Elizabeth Benson, she excused herself and sat in one of the plush armchairs, gesturing towards the other chairs next to hers. "Please, sit."

The Director sat in silence, looking outside the window. After a deep breath, she spoke. "Did she suffer?"

Jane shook her head. "I doubt it. She looked asleep, peaceful. No sign of violence."

The director stretched her lips conveying grateful, tired thanks.

"She left the Residence many times before, but she always stayed close by. Liz used to dress up, get her hair done, and go wait for the bus to go visit Dorothy; she insisted that the bus made her feel independent. She never got on it though. We usually caught her before, or she just forgot why she was there."

Jane caught a glimpse of a small tear in the woman's eye.

"She was an adorable, tender, sweet person." The director smiled. "With a great sense of humor and love for life, despite her condition."

"Her condition?" Jane sat forward, her elbows on her knees.

"Alzheimer's Disease. Not too advanced; she still had quite a few lucid moments." The woman took a deep breath and played with her pearl necklace. "Not surprised they found them together. She, Dorothy, was all she talked about. The only person she never stopped recognizing."

"Does she have any family?" Korsak scribbled in his pad.

"Yes. They live in New York. Only come up once every couple of months; they left her here when her condition was diagnosed." She shifted her eyes to the window behind them. "She was such a nice woman. All she wanted was to live with Dorothy, but her family wouldn't hear of it." She sighed. "A real tragedy. She had nothing to live for, except her friend, and they did everything they could to keep them apart."

Jane wrung her hands but her face showed not a clue of the bitter ball that froze inside her throat.

Korsak again finished the interrogation alone, but there was not much else the woman could tell her.

They left the Residence without a single clue of what could have happened, no potential suspects.

"I have to check this in." He held the evidence bag up. "Do you want me to drop you off at home before?"

"No, but there is this Japanese restaurant on our way to the precinct. Maura and I planned to get Japanese today when you called. Mind stopping there so I can get some takeaways?

  
*  *  *  *

 

As soon as they arrived at the precinct with the takeaway bags, Korsak took his and went up to the bullpen.

Jane took the lift down to the morgue, hoping that Maura would still be there. She had walked that corridor a thousand times, but with each step bringing her closer her hands begun to sweat. She wiped them on her jacket, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Maura was still there, standing with her back to the door, bent over one of the two bodies taking notes.

"Hey…" Jane said, but no sound came out. She cleared her throat, startling Maura. When Maura saw Jane, she smiled, washing away a slight frown.

Jane lifted her arm, showing her the food. "Sashimi."

Maura gave her one of those smiles that made her look like a little girl in front of a loaded Xmas tree. Jane echoed the smile. Business as usual. She felt the muscles in her neck and shoulders relax.

"Oh, what a wonderful surprise! And just in time. My feet are killing me." Maura saw Jane's amused expression beneath a soft frown. "Well, they are  _very_  comfortable, but they are brand new."

"Seriously, Maura. A 500 bucks pair of shoes and scrubs. Only you can pull that off. You have a pair of slippers in there somewhere. I saw them. I'm sure they won't mind see you in them." Said Jane, pointing with her head towards the two bodies.

Maura pursed her lips and lifted her head. "Perhaps you are right. But the feel of them is just so… perfect. You can tell an exquisite craftsmanship when new shoes fit like this."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes, I love the exquisite craftsmanship of blisters on my feet."

She left the food on the counter and got closer to the body Maura was working on. It was the taller woman, Dorothy.

Hooking her thumbs on her belt, she shifted all her weight on her right foot.

"Speaking of shoes and fashion, did you find anything?"

Maura allowed herself to steal a glance in Jane's direction. It was, for a brief second, as if nothing had happened between them. It saddened her.

"Maura?" Jane voice was soft but tinged with impatience.

Jane dusted an invisible speckle from her sleeve and readjusted her gloves.

"I just did the preliminary observations and, as a matter of fact, I did. Would you care to see?"

Once Jane had gotten close enough, on the other side of the table, Maura put her hands on Dorothy's jaw and swiftly turned the head towards her, exposing the neck to Jane.

"Can you see it?" Maura pointed at a spot in the neck.

Jane got closer and saw a faint tiny, yellowish circle. "Needle?"

Maura nodded. "They both have the same mark, on the same spot."

"So… murder, then." Jane frowned. They may be facing at a double case of terminal greed. Now it was the time to deal with wills and finances, she decided.

"I won't know until I have conducted the autopsy and have the tox results back. But it  _is_  highly odd that both bodies present the same needle mark when there were no needles on the scene. It is an ideal spot to inject a very quick acting substance. Based on this odd markings and the absence of syringes at the scene, and pending all results and the full autopsy, we could consider murder as a possibility."

"Korsak has an evidence bag full of prescription drugs. You'll get it soon."

"Well, I'll look at it tomorrow."

Maura removed her gloves and gown, washed her hands and went to the office. She picked up her coat and hung her handbag in her arm.

"Now it's time you take you home to eat your sashimi and get some rest."

As they left the precinct, Jane realized that Maura was not driving them to Beacon Hill. It felt uncomfortably odd not going back to Maura's after a whole week there. But maybe Maura  _did_  need some alone time, unlike her. With work behind her she faced silence, and silence was still the last thing Jane wanted. That would mean space for her brain to run free, and she knew it was never good to be on the wrong side of the interrogation room in her head.

The intensity of the last 24 hours had pushed everything out of focus. The memories of Vania and her killer were just a muted echo deep into the back of her mind. All she had in clear focus was Maura.

Jane turned her head slightly to the left and saw Maura's profile. She looked serene, composed, completely in control. Jane wondered what she actually felt, thought – not that she would even consider asking. She saw the same old Maura, concentrated on her driving as if she would be performing a Y-incision; the same Maura that a few hours later had kissed her with complete abandon and -why kid herself- passion. The memory of their kiss shook Jane, again, for the tenth time during the afternoon.

Maura stopped at a traffic light and looked at her with a sudden look of concern.

"Is my make-up smudged?" Maura lowered her sun visor and checked her reflection in the mirror.

Jane laughed and shook her head. Maura could be so utterly adorable and clueless and never even realize it.

When they arrived at Jane's apartment, Maura parked and switched off the ignition, but didn't move.

"What, aren't you coming up? The sashimi is getting warm."

"Oh, well, I though you must be tired and… well, it's been a long day." Maura shifted her shoulders, not making eye contact.

"We had much longer days than this one. Often." Jane stared quizzically at Maura.

Maura pondered over her situation. She did not want to leave Jane.  _Au contraire_. It seemed like a good idea to put some space between them, give herself some space to bring under control the sequence of physical and emotional reactions she had been unable to contain. However, under any other circumstance, she would not leave. Leaving, therefore, would give the wrong message, possibly hinting that their relationship had indeed changed. She wanted nothing to change if change meant something negative. Solved then, Maura decided.

"Oh, well then. Let's eat that sashimi before  _I_  experience borborygmi. That salad I had for lunch for awful, couldn't even finish it." Maura unbuckled and followed a smiling Jane out of the car.

A while later, Maura celebrated her decision. They had the sashimi, they drank wine and beer, they laughed, and discussed the case as they always did. It was just two BFFs on any Saturday night.

But when dinner was over, the kitchen was clear, and they were sitting on the couch with their glasses, an awkward silence sat between them. The normalcy spell had been broken.

Maura left her wine glass on the coffee table. "I should get home now. It's really late."

Jane sat up. "Wanna talk about it?"

Maura turned to her, surprised. "That is truly an unexpected question. You have stated quite clearly, several times, that you dislike… what is the term you used? Ah, yes, 'processing'"

"I didn't say  _I_  wanted to talk." Jane grinned.

Maura felt again a pressure in her chest. She had always loved this cheeky side of Jane, but today –tonight- it felt different, special; it was infused with a startling new feeling of intimacy, choked by a layer of uncouthness.

She saw her hand stretch out and reach out to Jane's face. She stopped an inch short of touching her and then withdrew her hand.

Jane's eyes darkened. "This is… insane."

"It is indeed strange. But…" Maura looked down, her words fading away before being spoken.

Jane questioned Maura with her eyes.

"It is late, Jane. We both need to rest." Sensing Jane's unrest, Maura went on. "I don't want us to be uncomfortable. We are tired. It has been a long, intense day, after a very intense week, and we should give ourselves the chance to assess the situation. Of course, if you want me to stay, I'll be really glad to."

Jane scratched her head. "Oh hell, I don't know what I want. It's like… jeez… like I had the rug yanked from under my feet. I…" She waved both hands. "I am so… so thrown out of balance."

Maura felt a deep sense of desperation. She had spent the afternoon riding wave after wave of conflicting emotions, dropping in and out of focus during the preliminary exploration of the bodies. And now she had this desperate need to hold Jane, feel her close and disconnect her brain, her heart. Above all, she needed Jane to feel okay, to be safe, relaxed, happy. She didn't know if she could contain Jane this time. The mere thought tore her inside.

"Jane?"

Jane turned her head and saw Maura getting close, locking her in a hug before she could even react. They stayed in each other's arms, not moving. Maura sensed Jane relaxing in her arms little by little. She took a deep breath and moved back, her hands in Jane's shoulders.

"You know… tomorrow is another day. Let's get some rest now."

"Will you stay?" Jane's eyebrows creased her forehead, her dimples showing.

"Do you want me to?" Maura's heart pushed forward two gears faster.

"If you go, I'll start overthinking. I promise I won't jump you during your sleep." Jane grinned happy.

Maura laughed out loud and nudged Jane's shoulder gently.

Life could wait another day. Tonight everything was all right.


	5. Sunday Morning

Her hands seared, raw after scrapping them against the cement. Her body throbbed and ached from the fall. Jane dragged herself across the rough, dirty floor of the warehouse until she was ten feet from the man with a scar on his face.

Maura was kneeling under him. He yanked her hair and Maura winced silently, eyes firmly shut.

Jane was a foot closer to them when the shouting began. "This is the police, your hands in the air, now!" The voice came from the other side of the room. It may have been Korsak.

The reply was steely, devoid of passion. "Try to shoot me and you'll hit her. Come any closer, and she goes. Either way, she's dead." His knife, five inches of shiny blade, hovered over Maura's shoulder, too close to her neck.

Jane repressed a gasp and continued forward. The yelling and threats continued back and forth, while she struggled to make her way through discarded pipes, broken glass and other debris without making noise.

Suddenly the man hollered, pulled Maura up, and pressed the blade under her ear. His back was to Jane now. She could have taken him down with her gun but probably she would have shot Maura too. It was time now to jump up and tackle him.

_Now or never._

She crouched ready to pounce, but a sharp stab of pain in her ankle and ribs knocked the air out of her and she fell forward, knocking a metal can on its side.

The man turned his head towards her, but still couldn't see her.

He yelled to her. "Whoever is there, come close so you too can watch her die…"

Maura screamed.

Jane propelled herself forward, jumping towards the man. She grabbed him by his hair, her other hand restraining the arm with the knife while pushing her leg to the back of his knees. As the man lost his balance Jane pushed him and threw all her weight on his back, pinning him to the ground, face down.

The second they both fell to the floor she heard footsteps rapidly approaching. She found herself almost instantly surrounded by policemen. Someone grabbed the man from under her and she sat on the cold floor, stunned.

Then she saw Maura, lying on the ground, immobile.

"Maura…" Her voice broke in her throat, choked by panic. A wave of absolute desperation pushed her up, ignoring completely the pain in her body, and knelt next to Maura. She only had a nick on her neck, with a small trickle of blood darkening already. Her eyes were closed and tears were streaming freely.

She gently rested her hand on Maura's shoulder as if she would break with anything other than a feather touch. Maura's face was dirty and stained by a mixture of tears and blood, her hair in knots, and yet, she looked beautiful.

Jane let out a relieved sigh. Maura would be fine.

Her lips tingled as the adrenaline rush subsided. The infinite pain of seeing her hurt became a warm rush, and she felt the urge of holding her and never let go. She cradled Maura in her arms and whispered in her ear. "Shh… I'm here, everything is okay." She caressed her hair, wiping gently the tears with her thumb while cupping her face.

Maura turned around and threw her arms around Jane's neck, burying her face in Jane's hair.

Jane felt her shaking, although no sound came out. She kissed Maura's hair, her fingers idly caressing her back.

Maura lifted her head, leaving her face two inches from Jane's. Her tense eyebrows were forcing a crease in between them but her eyes shone clear, deep. With no warning her lips covered Jane's. Hands flew to Jane's back and head, and the kiss became harder, desperate. A seagull screamed over them, the sea breeze felt cold against her hot skin. She felt out of breath but couldn't let those lips go. She parted her lips, gasping for air, and opened her eyes.

The room was dark. She blinked, trying to focus. Her bedroom. No warehouse. Maura slept peacefully facing her.

Jane closed her eyes and inhaled slowly and deeply trying to regulate her choppy breathing. Her head throbbed, her heart hammering wildly.

She rubbed her palms on her face, the fingertips on her eyelids.

"Shit."

Moving her hair out of her face she focused on Maura.  _She is beautiful. So beautiful…_  Without missing a beat, the question slammed her.

_How can this be?_  Her brain spun with a thousand more questions, all locked so tight and loud that they were just noise. And below, above it all, a beam of intense warmth, all her being focused on Maura's smooth skin. The urge to touch and kiss Maura overwhelmed Jane.  _How the hell can this be happening after all these years? What is this? What does it mean?_

She swallowed, dejected.

She recognized the taste of fear in her mouth. It was the same fear she had tasted in the dream, and before, when Hoyt had Maura in his hands. It tasted different to that fear, to what she felt just before shooting herself to stop a killer, or when she jumped into the icy waters of the river.

The difference had gone unnoticed - until now. Now it screamed at her. It was so clear now that losing her own life meant nothing compared to the fear of losing Maura. Maura was her best friend –the only friend that mattered. Maura was her north pole, her support; the constant presence in her life that outshone even her Ma, Frank, or her whole family. That is what true best friends are, she assumed. _Or is it something more?_  The need to kiss her, touch her, feel her should have given her a conclusive answer, but she still couldn't get her head around it.

How many times had they hugged? Hundreds. In fact, Maura was the only person she allowed to invade her personal space. But it had never felt like this. Not even the day she and Maura pretended to be lovers to get rid of Giovanni.

_Can a simple kiss – or two- just change everything?_ She suppressed a snicker. It hadn't been just  _any_  kiss, though… She had felt, both times, something much stronger that a mere a physical response - even if a very intense response. For the first time, Jane allowed herself to remember the kisses. The first one had already told her everything she was now questioning. Maura hadn't just kissed her, she had surrendered –a side of Maura she'd never knew existed. And the touch, she realized, felt like Maura's eyes did sometimes when she looked at her; a look of caring, even love, that was supposedly normal between two friends as close as they were. Until now.

She turned to Maura again, who was blissfully oblivious to the onslaught of thoughts in Jane's head. Maura had said she had never considered this before, and the lack of hives proved her right.

Her suggesting a second kiss had been so… like Maura.  _It is a brownish-red stain, a sharp pointy object, let's test this unexpected yet pleasant exchange of kisses between friends. Let's re-examine it._

The detective in her told her that there was no way she could deny the evidence. Jane painfully admitted that it had been her who made the second kiss happen after Maura had retreated.

Jane bit her lower lip. She forced herself to think of Casey. Her stomach clenched. Part of her still loved Casey, but her feelings for him were so different from this. She touched her lips with the knuckle of her index finger. The forgiving and mute darkness allowed her to admit that, as much as she loved being with him, have sex with him, they never had the closeness she shared with Maura.

Both Dean and Casey were ruggedly manly, self-assured, and appropriately distant. Both were gentle and attentive without being overbearing. That was what a man was supposed to be like. That's the type of person, the type of man she had always figured she'd end up with. She never expected her men to be her friends, her buddies. That's what Maura was there for. Things were best kept separate. Men didn't like to process, they were good in bed, and they respected her space. Men suited her.

Jane smiled remembering that night, in this same bed, when Maura and her were discussing the case of the lesbian murder. She had told Maura that if she wanted someone to walk the dog with and talk about feelings, she'd be gay. She  _still_  didn't want someone to walk the dog, or talk about feelings. She could not even begin to imagine herself as "gay"; couldn't get her head around flipping like this, out of the blue, at her age. But she had kissed Maura, and she had really liked kissing her. She had felt connected in a way she had never felt before with anyone.

She stared at Maura, focusing on her lips, her cheekbones, and fought the urge to kiss her.

_Could they become kissing buddies? What would that mean to their friendship? Could they ever be a couple?_  They were so fundamentally different.  _What would that mean in a relationship? What do two women do in bed?_  She tried to picture them naked, together in bed and winced, as the cold thought of sex with Maura hit her blunt wall of misconceptions and what she realized were ignorant prejudices.

But then, she remembered the breakwater, and the air in her lungs rushed out.

A sharp needle of pain hit the sides of her forehead. Outside it was light and she was hungry and exhausted. She recognized the fist of bad mood tightening her brow, her chest.

Maura stirred in her sleep.

"Hm… what time is it?" Maura mumbled, blinking.

Jane looked at her phone on her night table. "Just after 7." Jane realized she had lost track of time, held hostage in exactly the place she had tried to avoid for the last 24 hours – her head. The bad mood got worse in a second.

"You sound wide awake." Maura carefully run her fingers under her eyes, sat up, and stretched her arms up while slowly rotating her head.

"I'm going to make some breakfast and then go for a run." Jane got up briskly before her foul mood found Maura as a target.

"Oh. Okay. I need to go to the office." Maura voice was low and dejected.

Jane nodded, although she should have reminded Maura that it was Sunday. It was for the best. She needed to vent steam and thoughts. She needed to get back with the program. The case could wait until tomorrow, until she had a clear head. Once they both caught up with their daily routines, whatever it was that was happening would resolve itself.

She grabbed a pair of tracksuit pants, a top and underwear, and locked herself in the bathroom. As she brushed her teeth the reflection in the mirror showed faint dark rings under her eyes. The steaming shower helped her relax, enough to go out and face Maura without irrationally biting her head of for something she was not to blame.

When she walked in the kitchen, Maura was still wearing Jane's robe, busy making coffee and cereal for her.

"Here," Maura said, handing over a steaming cup. "I'll go change."

"Have a shower." Jane suggested, staring deep into her mug.

Maura shook her head. "I want to shower and get dressed for work, and I doubt I'll find anything suitable in your closet." She grinned, but Jane saw a clear hint of sadness .

Maura came back dressed in an old tracksuit pant and a baggy, worn out grey top with the words 'NY(heart)MEs' printed in now faded red. She stretched it at the bottom and looked down. "I've been looking all over for it. So glad I found it. Love this top."

Jane rolled her eyes and finished her coffee. Maura gave weird a whole new meaning. If only she wasn't so adorable…

"Well, I should be on my way…" Maura stretched her lips and walked towards Jane, her eyes deep and purposeful holding Jane's.

Jane held her breath. Maura wasn't walking; she looked like she was prowling, and Jane felt like the target. When she got within breathing space, she took Maura's hands and guided her off the high chair.

"You know I am not fond of rash, impulsive actions," Maura's eyes were boring her. "But I must do this. I may never get another chance." Maura's eyes were dark, half closed. Jane felt her body clench, her heart thumping furiously.

There was nothing tentative about Maura's kiss. Before Jane could even close her eyes she felt the minty, warm breath, the scent of Maura's hair, and the lips capturing her own, teasing, pressing, sliding, loving them.

Jane gave up any attempt of resistance.

Maura pressed Jane down, firmly, enveloping her as if she were the tallest one. Her hands roamed in Jane's back, full of tenderness and intent. Jane became conscious of Maura's entire body pressing against hers. It felt good.

Maura guided the rhythm of their kisses; tender and savage, a cycle she kept repeating over and over again, making Jane dizzy.

Then, suddenly as it had started, Maura ended it. Jane gasped, eyes closed, lips parted, leaning her weight on Maura. Maura's lips brushed her cheek, then applied slightly more pressure, and stayed there until their breathing went back to normal.

Jane lifted her eyebrows and opened her eyes, leaning back enough to see Maura's face.

Maura was smiling, but had strange shadow in her eyes that she couldn't read.

"Hopefully this will help you clarify your thoughts while you run. It certainly clarified mine." She left a soft kiss on Jane's cheek, then grabbed her handbag and walked out.

Maura didn't turn around. She just left Jane Rizzoli standing behind her, utterly speechless for the first time in her life.

As she walked to her car, Maura became deeply aware of the effects of the kiss on her body. Part of her wanted to backtrack and continue where she had left it, but she pressed on. She drove home struggling to concentrate on the traffic; couldn't have told which streets she had taken to drive back home, as it was all a precise series of automatic movements and gestures.

She parked the car, got out, unlocked her front door, closed it, leaned against it and let out a gut-twisting sob.


	6. Serendipity

Still leaning against her front door, car keys in hand, Maura concentrated on steadying her breathing, eyes closed, trying to understand why the outburst. Common-place folk wisdom stated that the higher you climb, the harder you fall, and gravity laws confirmed it.

The emotional maelstrom tearing through her encompassed much more than a physical set of reactions, and their last kiss gave her complete confirmation.

The fall had been inevitable.

She felt the long trail of tears drying on her flushed skin. A lone finger reached out and wiped them slowly, then moving and resting on her lips.

Her eyes welled up again as the pressure on her lips brought back the memory of Jane's mouth. Unwanted, a shy smile softened her face. She had never done anything remotely as daring, rash and impulsive since she rode her horse naked, back in college. She had never felt again this vulnerable, exposed, exhilarated and terrified.

And she knew, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that had never felt so much, or as intensely, for anyone.

She concluded that her feelings for Jane must have been there all along, well buried beyond layers of blissful ignorance and a long-held mindset. All it took was a simple gesture to trigger it all out in the open.

Was it serendipity? In any case, she had never felt more alive, more on edge, more awake. A smiled surfaced again, surprising her, remembering thinking that painting a wall with a spray can in the middle of the night had felt daring. How silly it looked now. How shallow her life had been. Until now.

Her love life had been nothing but a succession of disasters, of pretenses, of hit-and-miss. Now, even memories of her big love for Ian felt washed out, pale.

Not once, ever, a single kiss filled her up so much, or made her lose complete sight of reality. Never even thought possible to be so deeply connected to anyone.

And she found this with a woman - a gorgeous one at that, although this was just an anecdotic detail. What did not ring anecdotic was the fact that the woman in question was Jane.

The chest tightened despite the relief of facing, naming, and accepting reality. She still needed to figure out now what would happen to their friendship. A friendship that was her North, her pillar of strength, her very soul.

Her impromptu advance on Jane had given her clarity. She hoped that it had had the same effect on her friend, but couldn't tell. However, she was certain that Jane was prone to avoid facing big issues. The only way forward was to give Jane space and time to put her own feelings in order. It was not going to be an easy road, given Jane's intense aversion to 'processing', but she had to discover how be a friend to Jane through that. She would need to find a box to store her feelings so she could help Jane out.

A brand new, lost tear found her way down her cheek. She had resolved embracing this new kind of love, and now she had to find a way to live with it - even if Jane turned out to not love her the same way. She had to walk this path even if it meant that her most precious friendship was at risk. There was no way back from it.

A smile dissolved the tear. She loved Jane enough to be with her, no matter what happened. She would have to learn how to let go if that was meant to be.

As long as Jane was happy, her love for her would stay true, no matter what, or how.

And as Maura sat in the quiet of her home, meditating, Jane's lungs burned, her legs burned, but she kept on running.

She no longer could feel the tell-tales signs of her strong reaction to Maura's kiss, but no matter had hard she pushed herself, or how fast or far she ran, she could not erase from her mind the image of Maura gliding towards her, full of intent.

Had it been anyone else, had it been a man, she would not be running. She knew exactly where she would be, and what she'd be doing.

But it had been Maura and their last kiss had been an epic moment, fit for the strangest weekend in her life. A weekend that had started with images of a murder she wanted never to forget or remember again. To start off with, an almost innocent kiss sneaking from underneath a cocoon of need and tenderness, followed by a walk on the longest breakwater and more kisses that numbed her brain and left her hungry like no other kiss had before.

And then,  _the_  last kiss.

The questions pounded inside of her mind like her feet did on the hard floor, and the headache crept up again. She stopped and placed her hands on her knees, trying to get some air into her lungs.

"This will hopefully help you clarify your thoughts while you run." The echo of those words stole a snigger.  _Right. Because I feel so clear..._ What the hell did Maura mean when she said that it had helped her clarify her thoughts?

Had Maura decided that she was now in love with her?

She stood up, startled, aware of her surroundings for the first time since before Maura had left her. To her right, the grey stone pedestal supporting George Washington and his bronze, or whatever it was, horse. She was smack in the middle of the Common, so close to Maura's house. She shook her head, looking back at her feet. They had brought her here, but why?

Did she want to be with Maura?

The 'Why?' stomped all over the 'What for?' Jane conceded defeat.

She needed Maura to be with her, hear her quote a few studies, and make it all sound so logical. She wanted Maura to make her laugh with some google-whacko-out-of-the-blue observation.

She needed Maura to feed her, to soothe her, to hold her desperation away.

She needed Maura, more than she had ever needed anyone, and now, in ways she had never thought possible she could ever do. The only question remaining was: and now, what?

Jane placed her hands over her hips, took a deep breath, and without even lifting her head again, she jogged back home, ready to shower and hide in the darkest spot in her apartment.

 

*  *  *  *

 

On Monday morning Maura arrived at the station well before her shift was due. She diligently crossed security and stood with her head upright as she waited for the lift, not moving a single muscle beneath her impeccable Narciso Rodriguez wool crepe jacket.

The tremors anticipating seeing Jane had to remain hidden, as would her budding, and yet strong as time, new found feelings.

She threw herself to work, which was the most effective way she had to control any unruly emotion or situation. She stood with her hands in the pockets of her white coat and looked at the two dead women. They needed her. She would make them talk through her.

First she took care of the prescription drugs, carefully sealed in two evidence plastic bags. She emptied first the one marked 'Dorothy Longhorn'. The bottle labeled 'Kapanol' immediately attracted her attention. It was morphine sulphate, a potential cause of death if administered in large doses.

She quickly confirmed on her computer that Kapanol was a slow-release version. It delivered the drug over a period of 24 hours, so it was not likely to be the cause of death. However, she wrote 'potential overdose' and marked the note to be followed up and thoroughly investigated further.

During the autopsy she discovered Dorothy's advanced metastasis, which could well explain the morphine sulphate. She found no trace of pills in the stomach contents, so she decided to request an analysis of the skeletal muscle, hoping that it would help her rule out overdose. It had worked very well in the Harold Shipman case when this technique help resolved all those murders by morphine overdose.

By noon, after many hours of painstaking work, she had finished the second autopsy. As she was washing her hands, she realized that the dull ache in her stomach was mostly due to lack of sustenance, and not just at the memory of recent events.

She was still hoping that Jane would come down, at least wanting to know the results of the examination. But all in due time, she reminded herself. As she was getting ready to go upstairs and get something to eat, hoping she would find Jane along the way, she heard the door open.

Her heart jumped.

Jane had deep shadows under her eyes, her skin was dull, stretched lips in the shape of a smile. That was the classic sleep-deprived version of her dear friend.

Maura straightened her jacket, ensuring the contrasting lapels were perfectly mis-aligned. With great effort, she controlled the urge to rush over and give Jane a comforting hug, and smiled as if nothing had never happened. She tried to speak but much to her chagrin, the Broca center of her brain seemed unable to function.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Jane cleared her throat and found the first words.

"I'm starving. Let's grab something, and you can tell me about the not-sisters." Jane said, her chin pointing at the two bodies.

Maura smiled, renewing her resolve to give Jane all the space and time she needed, and still be her best friend.

"Dirty Robber?" Maura suggested almost casually, although there was nothing casual about the idea, or the way she arranged everything preparing to leave.

Jane nodded.

They settled at the last booth and hid behind the menus, even though they knew exactly what they would eat.

After placing the order, Maura told Jane all what she had discovered. She bordered on verbal incontinence, as if a moment's silence would betray her resolve to stay away from personal issues.

Jane stopped her once or twice to clarify information, but other than that, she allowed the doctor to ramble on. That was a lot better than awkward silences, and a heck of a lot better than talking about what had happened.

For a minute, Jane forgot the kisses. For a second, Jane stopped looking at those lips telling her about morphine sulphate and potential overdose, and her mind kicked into full detective mode. Didn't last long. When the food came, she had enough information to feed a few hunches and push the investigation forward, and wished she could get up and get on with it. The burger felt too big for her closed up stomach, so she nibbled on it, trying to tame it into edible submission.

Maura did something similar with her salad, trying to ignore the itch of the onsetting hives under her blouse collar. She ran her hand along her neck, concentrating on her breathing in the most discrete manner possible.

Despite Maura's efforts to conceal her nervousness, Jane was too good of a detective, and too close a friend, to ignore Maura's painstakingly disguised discomfort.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jane had no clue why her mouth spit those words out and regretted them the moment they had left her mouth.

Jane arched an eyebrow, slightly tilting her head. "Do  _you_  want to talk about it?"

"What? No! I do not want to discuss how this wonderful burger is clogging my arteries." Jane was proud of her quick recovery. Jane pointed with her index finger at Maura's plate of unidentified leafy greens. "But if you do really feel the urge to talk about the joys of having a green heap of… whatever that is… on your plate, be my guest."

Maura laughed, enjoying an almost instant relief around her neck.

"Are you not going to finish that?" Korsak's voice startled them. He was standing next to them, pointing at Jane's barely touched food.

Jane was at once grateful and disappointed. She scooted over to her left, allowing Korsak to sit next to her.

Maura immediately started to blab again about the case.

Jane felt trapped between Korsak, the wall, the urge of looking at Maura's lips and her need to run back to the precinct.

She ordered a beer.

"It is not allowed, nor condoned, officers drinking while they are on duty." Maura playfully chided her.

"Oh, shoot, I am going to get in trouble with my boss, and we can't let that happen, right, boss?" Jane leaned towards Korsak, gently bumping him with her elbow. Korsak seemed far more interested in chewing the burger.

"Hmphf."

"See?" Jane gleaned at Maura. "The boss doesn't mind."

Maura rolled her eyes and wiped the corners of her mouth, silently declaring the meal was over.

The banter had relaxed her but there was so much riding silently under each gesture, each stolen glance, each measured movement, and she needed air. Or the controlled safety of her lab.

"I need to finish the report, and double check a few notes, so I will leave you in good company." Maura spoke to no one, looking down as she got up.

Jane discretely followed her with the eyes, until they bumped into Korsak, who was greedily biting the last of the burger.

A gust of emptiness made her shiver, but she shrugged it off.

"Okay, you better wash that down and get moving. We have people to talk to."

As they got out of the booth, she looked at the door. At that same moment, Maura stopped, her hand still pushing the door, and turned around.

Their eyes met.

Their smiles -awkward, knowing, questioning, shy, close- clashed together and danced in silence for a while.

Then Maura was gone.


	7. Elephants

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli!"

Jane froze, half-filled cup of coffee in hand. Before she could even turn around, her mother approached her, crossing the cafeteria of the BPD in decided strides.

"Did I really have to find out from Korsak that you were back at work?" Angela voice was soft, but betrayed barely contained anger.

Jane turned around, hoping that big puppy eyes would defuse her mother.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I was going to- "

"Don't you 'sorry, Ma' me, Jane." Angela crossed her arms and lowered her chin, eyes boring through her daughter. Jane wondered how her mother managed to look down on her, given that Angela was quite a few inches shorter than her.

"I've been so patient. You asked me to give you space, and I did. I couldn't visit my own grieving daughter. Do you know how that feels?" Angela scoffed. "No, you don't, and I don't even know if you care." Angela turned her face away, tightening her arms around her bosom.

Jane left the cup of coffee, and put her hands on her hips, her head tilted to one side.

"Come on, Ma. It's not like that…"

But it was like that, and she knew it, at least at first. And then, after what happened with Maura, she had made an effort to avoid her, terrified that she would see right through her.

Angela was still looking to the side, pouting. "So. How it  _is_  like?"

"I came back to work on Saturday and- "

"On Saturday! And only-" Angela protested, her voice pitching up.

Jane jumped in, hoping to stop a public scolding. "We have a new case, and with Frankie with the flu…" She took a deep breath. "I really meant to tell you, but you know…" Jane waved her hands, exasperated with herself and with her Ma, who showed no signs of relenting.

"Oh, come  _on_ , Ma, please don't be like that. I am sorry, I really am." Jane got closer to Angela and opened her arms. "I will even hug you to prove it."

Angela looked at Jane out of the corner of her eye, her lips pursed. Then, before Jane could move away, she locked her in a bear hug.

"Ouch, Ma, enough. You're suffocating me."

"I am not." Angela squeezed harder. "You had me so worried, you know!" She released Jane, but kept her hands tight on her forearms. Through half closed eyes, Angela took in her daughter's appearance.

"What's wrong? You look pale. You haven't been sleeping again, have you?"

Jane wriggled out of her mother's hold and turned around to finish filling her cup of coffee.

"I am good, Ma." She turned around, held the cup in front of Angela's face. "Nothing that coffee won't cure."

"As you sure? Because-".

"Yes, Ma. I have to go." Jane planted a kiss on her mother's cheek. "Love you, Ma."

Jane darted out before Angela would recover from the shock and continue the interrogation.

She went up to the bullpen hoping to get Korsak, go out, speak to someone, do something active.

Just as she walked in, her phone beeped. It was Maura. Her heart kicked so hard she lost her breath. Worse even - it was not just her heart. The hand holding the phone was clammy and trembling. She was a schoolgirl before an exam. No. Worse even. She was like a schoolgirl before her first date.

_This is not good. Come on, Jane. What the hell is wrong with you?_

Jane hadn't seen Maura for almost a whole day, since they had lunch at the Dirty Robber. She kept telling herself that she wasn't avoiding Maura, but she knew that nothing she had done the night before was as important as to keep her there that late. Had only left when she felt sure Maura wouldn't be around anymore. The drive home turned out to be a long drive around town until her body begged her for some rest. Rest had not come. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Maura, she  _felt_ Maura and ached for her kisses, only to have those feelings knocked down every time with the same questions, anger, confusion.

It was exasperating: her brain was going in one direction, her body in another, and her heart twisted and knotted in between. She was exhausted from the effort to form a single coherent thought. Same twisted chain of questions and answers and more questions that had plagued her for the last couple of days.

She rubbed her face and took a deep breath before opening the message. It was as short as it could be.

"I have the results. You need to see them now."

Jane covered the distance between the bullpen and the morgue inwardly ordering her body to calm down over and over again. It sort of worked until she put her hand on the morgue's doorknob. She could see Maura standing with her back to the door, standing next to one of the bodies, taking notes. Her hands got clammy again.

One deep breath, and her hand opened the door. She would play it cool, so she wiped her hand discretely on the seat of her pants.

"Got your message."

Maura turned around. She looked radiant, a new red dress under her open coat. She beamed a smile a Jane.

"Good morning, Jane." She pointed her pen at the bodies. "We have a double homicide."

Maura turned her back on her, facing one of the bodies, and waved her pen, inviting her to get closer before telling what she had found out.

Jane's heart was thudding. Again. She crossed the room in four large steps.

Maura did not look up. Instead, she turned a leaf on her clipboard, revealing the lab report. She pointed with her pen to a specific paragraph.

Jane stood next to Maura and looked over her shoulder at the clipping board. Maura highlighted with her pen the important parts of the report.

"Results are conclusive. They both died of a morphine overdose."

Jane had to get even closer to see what Maura was pointing at on her board. Maura turned her head towards Jane, and their faces stood barely 4 inches apart. Jane could smell Maura's shampoo, her perfume. Their arms were touching.

"That," Jane cleared her throat, bound to the spot she was standing on. "That is great. I mean, it is good that…" Her voiced trailed off in the wake of Maura's eyes locking on her lips.

Jane felt an invisible hand pushing her forward. She got closer until she smelt a soft, warm mixture of coffee and mint in Maura's breath.

Just as she was about to cross that last inch, Maura took a step back and went back to her notes. "I used the same technique that-"

Jane's mouth parted, eyebrows arching up, in complete disbelief. She couldn't really hear Maura over the rushing of blood in her ears. It was not a schoolgirl-like nerves thing anymore. She was clearly aroused just by being inside Maura's breathing space, and Maura seemed oblivious to it as if nothing ever happened. She felt toyed with. The frustration, helplessness and confusion enraged her.

"Thanks, Maura." She didn't mean to cut her friend off so harshly, but couldn't help herself. "I have enough to get a warrant."

Maura's eyes searched and found her eyes, dampening her anger. They were soft and caring, but also probing, uncertain. Maura was not playing with her, but Jane couldn't read what Maura was going through either. It was not surprising. The confusion and anger still raked through her, rendering her blind and deaf.

She turned around and headed for the door.

Maura's voice reached her somewhat anxious, but contained. "Before you leave, you might find it relevant that they both ingested oral morphine before the fatal injection. Some studies argue that a two-step overdose avoids suffering caused by a very unpleasant, intense nausea."

It was very relevant information, so relevant that the new facts ice-bucketed her into reality.

Jane left the door and leaned her backside against the row of low cupboards. She rested the weight of her body on her hands, desperately focusing on the case at hand and not on the massive elephant standing in between them.

Maura told her about Dorothy's prescription and the slow-releasing drug with cumulative effect over a period of 24 hours.

"Elizabeth was only taking acetaminophen. Tylenol. Her reaction to morphine would have been much stronger than on Dorothy."

Jane relaxed. Now she was walking solid ground, and this was the breakthrough she had hoped for.

"But there was no syringe in the crime scene. Someone else must have given the injection, but possibly also the pills to Elizabeth."

Maura straightened up, relaxing her shoulders, although she was still turning the pen in her hands.

"Yes, we need to find someone with access to Dorothy's pills, and with enough knowledge to know how to avoid them getting them really sick in the process. But also, we need to find someone with access to liquid morphine. Dorothy's prescription was only for tablets."

Jane nodded, deep in thoughts that had nothing to do with the two of them.

"That would give us the how, but not the motive. Why both of them, at the same time? And why were they sitting at that park bench looking so peaceful? It must have been someone they knew and trusted." And someone to profit from it, Jane thought.

Jane sprung up, only to realize the physical consequences of their recent closeness. She winced, waving in silence as she turned around and left the room.

Maura stood immobile, her eyes following Jane until she was out of her view. Her pulse rate was still very high, and she felt it beating all along her body. She mechanically focused on her work, Jane's perfume still lingering in the room. It was going to be harder that expected, she realized with a pang.

There was no way Jane would willingly verbally acknowledge the situation. As the philosopher George Berkeley had once said, they were unable to address the invisible elephant in the room. And, indeed, it felt like the elephant was alive, well, and getting bigger by the second.

So it was all up to Maura.

But she had opened a door, crossed it with arms wide open, and now she was getting cold. It had taken all her strength and will power not to kiss her a moment ago and now she was regretting it.

Since Jane would not talk, maybe she should let their bodies speak for them, and let the rest be. But Jane was far too important to let this become a physical, boundless, shapeless relationship. She smiled, sadly, at hearing herself thinking of a relationship with Jane. They did not have one, and their friendship was not at their peak, either.

She missed Jane. Missed having her around, mocking her, smiling at her with a cloudless affection.

She needed someone to talk to.

 

*   *   *  *

 

Jane literally grabbed Korsak by the elbow.

"We must go. Now. I'll explain in the car."

She did, and by the time they arrived at the Gladworths residence, they had already decided that it was a greed murder. The will was the key they needed to unlock motive. Finding who actually did it was at the other end of a series of talks at the precinct, facing everyone who benefitted from the will.

Jane used her resolve to solve this case as a lever to push aside any thoughts of Maura. She would deal with that after solving the case.

As they were knocking on the door, Jane realized that Phil Gladworth would most likely be away. That would leave her complete access to Dorothy's daughter, who may be willing to speak freely without her controlling husband around.

Emma Gladworth opened the door. She looked distressed, but composed as ever. Jane could not help but thinking of Maura.

"We need to talk to you, Mrs. Gladworth. It's about your mother." Korsak jumped in, before the edgy version of Jane pushed too hard, too soon.

Emma nodded and opened the door.

"What do you mean by a morphine overdose? That is impossible. Mother disliked that drug intensely and only took a pill when pain got really bad. She was really careful. She," Emma voice waned. Arranging her already flawless two-piece suit, she continued. "Mother was in pain, but it wasn't unbearable, and had a distinct aversion to any kind of drug use, or abuse. She would have never overdosed on purpose. She had no reason to."

"This may come as a shock, but we do not think this was accidental overdose."

Jane had found herself again. She felt in control and was enjoying it.

Emma's face paled. "What are you implying?"

"We are not implying anything. Someone did this to her. To them."

"That's preposterous. Who would want to do that to Mother?" Emma's pain was now thinly disguised.

"To your mother, and to Elizabeth. Together." Jane was already in high gear. Korsak put a hand on her arm. "Before we proceed, we would need to discard any possible obvious motivations and-"

"It is normal procedure," Korsak's calm voice reminded Jane that she was still too wound up. "As difficult as it may be for the grieving families, in situations like this, the investigation needs to review the will, or any known grievances towards the deceased."

Emma shook her head. "I… I don't know, I need to speak with my husband. He controls all that, but," She pierced Korsak with her eyes, offense barely hidden. "You are not implying that anyone in our family could have done such a horrendous thing for… money?" The word was pronounced as if it tasted sour.

Jane wasn't moved by the stiff woman.

"We are not implying anything, Mrs Gladworth. We just need to see the will, to rule this out. As I'm sure it'll happen."

She wasn't sure. What she believed was that the will was made out to Elizabeth, and whoever was in Elizabeth's testament may be responsible. Could be any of the Gladworths, or anyone on Elizabeth's side. But greed makes people do bad, bad things.

Emma looked at her diamond-studded watch. "I am going to ask you to, please, leave. My sons are about to get home from school, and I'm sure my husband and our lawyer can help you with this," She waved a dismissive hand. "This investigation procedure. All I care about right now is to give my mother a proper funeral."

"You will. Soon. Thanks for your time." Jane got up and left without waiting for Korsak.

As they left the house, she saw a sporty looking car parking in the driveway. Two boys, one almost a man, got out. The sons. She would need to speak with them, too, after jumping the Phil Gladworth hurdle.

They did not get much further at Elizabeth Benson's Residence. The Director looked appalled and saddened, but she had no access to Elizabeth Benson's will. Jane and Korsak would have to get the relatives to come down to the precinct.

The day had already turned into night, and the chilly breeze made the turning leaves fall around them.

Halloween was around the corner, and she had her personal spooks hunting her.

Jane took Korsak to the office, but decided to call it an early night. She was in no shape to continue working and didn't want to risk meeting Maura again.

She felt like going home. Actually, what she truly wanted to do was to go to Maura's, and park off for the night with a movie, a beer and a big bowl of popcorn.

Instead, she drove home, wanting, for the first time, to have someone to talk to.


	8. Donuts

Maura was sitting at the kitchen table shrouded in darkness. The only light in the room came from her laptop screen, and her eyes were burning. She took another sip of her 2008 Côtes de Castillon, a great wine from the French winemaker Julienne Bécot, before getting up to turn a few lights on. She stretched her arms, rotating her head and shoulders to release the tension built up after too much time in front of her laptop.

She had meant to do some online retail therapy but she had soon left her favorite shop to wander into Google. She tried a few simple keywords, and most of the results pointed to porn sites. Changing keywords and adding modifiers helped her to leave the land of smut and land on a very interesting article from The Guardian UK, dated back to 2010. The title was "Why it's never too late to be a lesbian".

It proved to be quite an eye opener. She learned that Alison Goldfrapp, one of her favorite pop singers, got into a relationship with a woman for the first time in her life, at 40. She was also surprised to discover that one of the women from Sex and the City had also left a long term marriage to marry another woman. They were both slightly older than her.

Maura didn't feel any different than she did the week before, and didn't feel quite right to label herself as "lesbian", but the term late-bloomer seemed like a good fit for her. She didn't fully grasp what was happening, or why, or what it would mean to her future. Labels meant or did nothing to her. The only thing that truly mattered was that she was feeling elated like never in her life before. It felt like she was blooming.

She didn't have to do any research to accept the changes she was going through, but hearing about other women in her situation made the theory less cold and detached. And made her feel less alone. The wine was also helping; it was subtle, velvety, with a nice hint of fruits. It was so good that she had had almost more than half a bottle.

Maura drank the remaining wine in her glass, wishing she could share it with Jane. She missed the laughs, the closeness, Jane's dry comments and even the silences. Back at the breakwater they had agreed to figure this out together, but they hadn't. Jane was hiding, running from it, hiding away from her. This reaction was to be expected, but it still hurt.

As she was setting down the glass she heard a knock on the back door. She hadn't seen Angela in days. It pained her to feel like telling her that she really wanted to be alone, but she knew she wouldn't.

She closed the laptop and stood up to meet Angela.

"Hope you are not busy, but I saw the lights come on, and I haven't seen you for days either." Angela eyes roamed around the house as discreetly as she could – which was not discrete at all.

"Jane is not here, Angela." Maura braced herself for what was coming; the "either" part was a clear indicator that Angela was not happy with Jane either.

"I figured. I don't know what's up with her. I know it's been really tough on her, but I can't understand why she is avoiding me."

Maura couldn't lie, but she still had a side escape. "She is really busy, Angela. With Frankie off work, and a new case, she has barely time for anything else."

"Hm. I suppose that must be it. I don't know." She tapped the tip of her nose with her finger. "Call it mother's instinct, but I can tell when Jane is not well. Like there is something else apart from what happened to that poor little girl."

Maura stretched her lips. "Well, Vania's death was very hard on her. Would you like some tea?"

"No, I won't stay long. Actually, I came over to ask you for a favor. It's Frankie's birthday this Saturday, and I wanted to throw him a surprise party. Nothing big, just the family, but he's been so sick these past few days... I want to cheer him up."

Maura smiled. "Great idea!" She clapped her hands and held them together, feigning an enthusiasm that wasn't too heartfelt. But, at least, she'll get to spend some time with Jane outside work. The thought made her smile.

Angela left after making a few arrangements for they party, and Maura returned to her laptop only to find out she was not in the mood for reading, or drinking more wine.

She really wanted to see Jane, and the need started to overwhelm her.

She brewed some coffee and sat on her couch with her phone in her hand. She didn't know what to say, so she settled for the messaging app. She noticed a small hyperhidrosis on her palms and neck and an increased heart rate, both classic responses of the sympathetic system during situational anxiety.

The empty screen stared at her patiently.

Then, she remembered her promise to be a friend. She tried to remember what she used to write in moments like this before it all started.

 

*   *   *  *

 

The phone beeped, startling Jane. She was sitting alone in the bullpen, shuffling papers and drinking bitter, lukewarm coffee.

It was Maura.  _Was she still downstairs?_  For a second, she felt happy, then the urge to run away came back. She tapped her finger on the phone for a while until she finally opened the message.

" _I have discovered the most wonderful 2008 Côtes de Cotillon. 85% Merlot, with a subtle blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc and Malbec. Pity you are not here, the bottle is almost empty now."_

She laughed and typed a message.  _"Oh no, what am I gonna do now. I have too discovered something: superb barely warm coffee, with a strong hint of bitterness that betrays its origins dating this morning. Pity you are not here, the pot is almost empty now."_

" _Ha. Ha. Very funny, Jane. Are you still at work?"_  The reply came almost instantly.

" _Yes_." Jane thought of lying and speaking of mountains of work, but the truth was that she was avoiding the real world, and she knew Maura knew it too.

" _I'll be ready by 8 tomorrow. I'll make you real, fresh coffee. Bring home something nice from the pastry shop."_

Jane took a deep breath. She wanted to drink some good coffee, but not as much as she wanted to see Maura, to be honest. In any case, what possibly could happen in 15 minutes at 8 am?

  
*   *   *  *

  
  


Maura woke up at 6, long before her alarm clock was set to go off. She had a long, relaxing shower, and spent the best part of two hours finding something to wear and tidying the already spotless house.

The front door opened just before 8, just as she had started to grind the coffee beans.

Jane left on the table a white box. She removed the ribbon, and revealed the 6 donuts inside. She smiled complacently until she saw Maura's face.

"Hey, don't look at them like that!" Jane feigned insult. "They are from they pastry shop! They were still closed, and  _I_  made them open up for me." She gave Maura a smug smile.

Maura looked at them unconvinced. "They look magnificent, but they are still loaded with refined sugar like any other donut. And they seem too sticky."

Jane shook her head. "Fingers can be washed, you know. Here," She held her own donut for Maura. "Grab a bite, come on, Maur. They are really, really good."

Maura hesitated, but Jane waggled the donut in front of her face, impatient. She took her mouth to the pastry, and as she was about to bite, she looked up to Jane, who stood with her mouth slightly open and eyes fixed on Maura's mouth.

Maura took a small bite. Suddenly she realized that the gesture had been far sexier than she had meant it to be. She gently wiped her mouth, turned to the coffee machine, and started to ramble on.

"They  _are_  tasty. You know, donuts have an interesting history, and although there is not agreement as to the exact origins, the consensus is that they have evolved from the dutch settlers  _olykoeks_. Although I have to admit, modern donuts are not as oily as the original ones, fried with pork fat."

"Oh, please, stop. Just stop. Don't you talk about pork fat while I'm eating my wonderfully expensive pastry-shop donut." Jane smiled, little wrinkles lighting up her eyes, revealing fully dilated pupils.

Maura felt elated. Jane looked more rested, but both her corrugator supercilii muscles showed signs of tension. She needed to steer away from the donuts.

"So. Any news on the case?" Maura sounded nonchalant.

Jane had her mouth full, so she forced herself to chew faster so she could speak. "Well, we are expecting a visit from Elizabeth's son today," Maura was looking at her, barely containing laughter. "What?"

Maura pointed at Jane's chin. "You have…"

Jane rubbed her chin.

"No. On the other side." Seeing that Jane kept missing the spot covered with sugar coated crumbles, she reached out.

"Here, let me." Maura rested her fingers on Jane's cheek, and with her thumb gently removed the sugar dust and sticky crumbles. Jane swallowed, her brow tightening.

Maura left her hand on Jane's face and let her thumb caress her chin, feeling the skin grow warmer. They stood like this for a moment, not moving, just looking at each other.

Jane's eyes were pleading, scared, but her pupils were still fully dilated. Maura bit her lips softly, letting the tip of her tongue moist her lips, while her thumb mimicked the movement over Jane's mouth.

Jane closed her eyes, and they stayed like that for what felt an eternity.

"I miss you, Jane." Maura said before breaking off the contact.

"I'm scared, Maur. Scared, and confused, and... I also miss you."

Maura didn't hesitate. She brought Jane down into a deep hug, her fingers getting lost in the black curls.

Jane buried her face in Maura's neck as Maura rocked her gently, torn between the joy of having her dear friend close to her again and the warmth of Jane's breath and lips on the sensitive skin of her neck. She closed her eyes and let both feelings dance together quietly, until she felt Jane's lips slowly moving up.

At that instant, the gentleness gave way to a hunger she had believed under control. She pressed Jane against her, and threw her head back, giving Jane all the room she wanted to take. The kisses were shy, uncertain, but they kept sliding up, even if disguised as a caress.

The knock on the back door was followed by Angela's voice.

"Maura?"

They jumped away from each other as if hit by a Taser. Jane grabbed her cup and turned her back to the room, feeling dizzy and downright terrified. Maura straightened the collar of her blouse, and nibbled on her half-eaten donut, fighting the onset of a panic attack.

Angela barged in with a big smile on her face, but stopped and frowned, looking from Jane to Maura and back to Jane.

"Oh, Jane, didn't know you were here." Her tone was flat.

_Oh boy. Ma is still mad at me_. Jane hid her face behind the mug and turned around. "Hey, Ma." To her side, Maura seemed frozen. Her face was pale, eyes wide open and her breathing was labored and agitated. Maura was about to have a panic attack, Jane realized. She looked at her watch. "Oh my god, Maura, we need to run, look at the time!" She grabbed Maura by the elbow and dragged her towards the door.

"Well, at least I'll get to see you at Frankie's party." Sulking Angela was not Jane's favorite. She needed to diffuse her Ma, who felt like a sniffer dog on her trail.

"Ma, I'll see you at work later." She grabbed Maura's bag and car keys and led her out of the house. Turning to her mother, Jane shouted. "The donuts are from the pastry shop. Please bring the box to work?"

Angela stood with her mouth open, watching the strange scene unfold. Something was going on, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She took a bite of a donut, eyes half closed, and decided she was going to find out, no matter what.

  
*   *   *  *

  
  


Jane helped Maura into the passenger seat of her own car.

"Okay now, breathe slowly." Maura put a hand on her chest. "There we go. It's okay, Maur. She didn't see anything."

The comment didn't help; Maura became agitated again, and she started tugging at her blouse collar. Jane could see the onset of hives already.

Jane shifted, now almost facing Maura. "Look, let's think about it for a minute. If I, who was... holding you, still have a hard time believing I could... well, you know... Anyway, how can you think Ma is going to suspect anything? In any case, we're not guilty until they find the murder weapon." Jane thought her attempt at humor sucked.

Maura glanced sideways and saw Jane's eyes wide open, worried and scare but also caring, with a hint of mischievousness. She looked like an overgrown schoolgirl caught being naughty. The whole situation was preposterous. She smiled, and the smile became laughter.

Jane looked at Maura in disbelief, but couldn't help herself. Her laughter joined Maura's, and soon they both had tears from laughing so hard.

"I'm sixteen again!" Jane said, renewing the fit of laughter.

"Oh, and I thought the donuts were the murder weapon." Maura added, clutching her stomach while wiping the tears from under her eyes.

They kept laughing for a while, drowning the elephant in tears of innocent fun, until their stomachs hurt and all the pent up tension had dissolved.

After a while, they had both calmed down enough and Jane was able to start the car. Two traffic lights later, Maura spoke. "Why don't we leave early today and go out for a nice dinner and talk?"

Jane raised her eyebrows. "Maura, are you asking me out on date?"

Maura laughed. "Well, that wasn't the idea, but…" She tilted her head and grinned . "Why, do  _you_  want to go out on a date with me?"

Jane groaned. "Yeah, sure. Let me call Ma and tell her. She's gonna be delighted." Her brow relaxed, coaxed by a sheepish grin.

Maura laughed silently, shaking her head. "What I meant was that we should find a nice, cozy restaurant, have some good food, and talk about..." Her hand waved at the air between them.

Jane lifted her eyebrows. "You mean somewhere public? As if that helped us on the breakwater."

Maura grinned. "True. But I really think we need to talk.  _I_  need to talk. And you do too."

Jane nodded. "Yeah, maybe we should." She parked the car and turned to Maura. "This is insane, but I agree. We need to fix this." Her sad smile melted Maura's heart. "I miss my friend."

Maura felt a surge of love so strong she had to take a deep breath. "So do I, Jane. So do I…"

As they walked to the station, Jane looked at Maura. "Is 6:30 pm ok for you? You don't really need to change again, do you?" Jane pointed with her chin at Maura's designer dress.

"I don't and you don't either. That grey jacket you have on is way nicer than the other grey jacket." Maura quipped, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Ouch. Fine. If that's what you think, let's make it 7. I'll get my other grey jacket, and they you'll see it's so much nicer than this one. I'll let you pick a restaurant, but please ask them to have a menu in English."

"Oui, ma chéri."

Jane scoffed. "Just let me know where to meet. I'll be in and out all day, chasing suspects."

By the time they had parked outside the station, they were both more relaxed, knowing they could safely put all their emotions aside for the next 9 hours.


	9. Family Love

"Have you brought the will?" Jane asked Emma and Phil Gladworth obviating any pleasantries, just as they had done on arriving at the station.

Their lawyer opened his briefcase and handed over a yellow file.

Jane and Korsak excused themselves and left the interrogation room to review the will's contents.

Dorothy's will was made out to Elizabeth Benson. In the event of Elizabeth's death, most of the very large sum of cash would be used to set up a trust fund, using one of the two properties listed as a base for a charity to be created, "Safe Haven".

A lawyer, Mr. Donald Walden, would be in charge of the trust fund and administering the foundation until he found a suitable replacement.

A generous sum, even if insignificant in comparison to the large share, would go to a trust fund for her grandsons, and meant to be used exclusively for their college education.

Finally, the elder grandson, Michael, got a healthy trust fund just for himself, but he had to wait until turning 21.

"They can afford Harvard with the small change of the will." Jane scoffed.

"It looks like the only beneficiary in the family is the grandson. Maybe we are talking to the wrong Gladworth." Korsak looked inside the room through the double mirror.

Jane shook her head. "The kid is not even at college. Dorothy wouldn't have lived to see him turning 21. He didn't need to kill her to get the money; he can't touch it anyway. But the Gladworth family can still contest the will."

"Do you think any judge in this town, or any town, will allow a rich family to take money away from a charity trust fund?" Korsak shook his head, pensive.

"Yeah. Anyway, let's see what they have to say."

Back in the room, Jane left the file on the middle of the table before taking a seat.

"Is your family okay with this?" She pointed at the file.

The lawyer placed a hand on Phil's forearm, and spoke instead. "The Gladworth family respect Mrs. Longhorn's wishes. The testament will not be contested."

Phil winced discretely but nodded, his head held high and defiant. Emma remained silent, betraying no thought or emotion behind the immaculate skin, but she shifted in her seat twice in under a minute.

Jane searched for Korsak's eyes, and raised an eyebrow, turning to Phil again.

"So you wouldn't mind then giving us access to your financial statements?" Jane smiled as pleasantly as she could.

The lawyer spoke for Phil. "We'll be glad to oblige, if you have a warrant. Do you any reason not to trust what my client is saying?"

Jane's eyes went dark. "We don't, but I'm sure you are aware that most murders of wealthy people this age are motivated by… money issues." She congratulated herself for omitting the word 'greed'.

Emma's head shot up at Jane, then at her lawyer. Phil sat up on the chair, but the lawyer raised his hand. "Are you implying my clients are suspects of murder? And because of… money?"

"No, we are not. But we need to cover all possibilities, as unpleasant as they may be. I'm sure you wouldn't mind assisting the BPD in a murder investigation."

"Of course not. As I say, I'll hand over anything you need, in exchange for a warrant. My clients have a right to protect their privacy, even if they have nothing to hide."

"We have one last question regarding the will. What was Mrs. Gladworth's relationship with Elizabeth Benson? She is the main beneficiary of the will."

Emma paled visibly, a first true sign of emotion since the interrogatory had started, but regain her composure almost instantly. "They were long time friends."

Jane forehead wrinkled, eyes waiting for a longer explanation that Emma did not provide.

"Long time, and very close, too, given Mrs. Gladworth left her most her estate."

Emma limited her response to a small twitch of her eyebrows and a curt nod. Her lips were pressed together tight, and Jane could tell an earthquake was brewing under the composed face.

"Elizabeth is dead. What happened does no longer matter, and I'm sure it had nothing to do with their deaths." Emma answered, her face once again calm.

"But it does, Mrs. Gladworth. We are facing a double homicide, and we cannot leave any stone unturned. We need to find out what happened to them that day, but also before, so we can catch whoever did this to them."

"And digging in the past would help you?" Emma sounded as if she thought the line of enquiry useless.

"Yes, it would. So, tell me more about Elizabeth Benson."

Emma kept looking down, not speaking. Her husband squeezed her hand, and took over. His face barely disguised the scorn Jane had seen during the first visit. "Elizabeth was not welcome in our family."

"And why is that? According to people we spoke to, Elizabeth was a kind, agreeable woman."

Emma raised her head; her eyes were bloodshot. The words were hissed, rather than spoken. "Elizabeth interfered with mother's marriage. My father and Elizabeth had a fight many years ago, and since then Elizabeth was invited not to visit us anymore."

"Interfered how?"

"That's not relevant. It was a personal matter, many decades ago, and it has been resolved. My father died last year, and I would prefer not to revisit this subject. I do not see how that incident years ago has anything to do with Mother's death."

Korsak face was relaxed, playing the good cop – something that came easy to him most of the time. He leaned back. "Can you think of anyone with a motive to hurt either of them?"

Phil shook his head. "Absolutely not. Beyond any family issues that were resolved behind closed doors, I can't name one unpleasant situation. She lived for others, through charities."

Korsak moved the interrogation into less rocky terrain. "Did Mrs. Gladworth have a nurse?" He looked at Emma, but it was Phil who answered.

"Yes, Maria Hartman. She is a very efficient and highly trained nurse. The best we could find. We hired her about three months ago to assist Dorothy. She had a room on the guest wing of the house. On Fridays we had a younger nurse covering in for her."

Korsak scribbled in his pad. "Where was Maria last Sunday, around 7 am?"

Emma picked up the question. "At home. I saw her at 6:55, when she came to tell us Mother was gone. She had gone to check up on Mother, as she did every morning before preparing breakfast for her."

"We'll need to speak to her. Can you please give us her contact details?" Jane waited until Emma searched in her phone, and recited a number and address

The interrogatory ended shortly after that and Jane was left with more questions than answers. It seemed a recurring pattern in her life these days. Couldn't help thinking of Maura, and the mere thought of her, of their upcoming dinner date sent an electric jolt right to her stomach. She realized then that she had not eaten a thing all day. She took her phone and went downstairs to grab a sandwich and work on appeasing her Ma.

Angela was overloaded with work, but seemed genuinely glad Jane had come to visit. She tried to give Jane a hug, and much to her surprise, she found no resistance, even though they were surrounded by all Jane's work colleagues.

A soft smile wrinkled her eyes when she saw her Ma return to work, happy again.

_At least I can fix something_.

She took the sandwich Angela had given her and headed back to the bullpen. She contacted Maria Hartman and left a message for Donald Walden, the lawyer, when it was already time to meet the Bensons.

Jim and Claudia Benson stood waiting for them downstairs, but lost inside their phones; Jim was talking and Claudia typing on her latest model of iPhone. The woman had her hair neatly tied in a low ponytail, and her glasses had a vintage look that felt almost as a signature in an otherwise forgettable face. At first glance, she seemed less uptight than Emma, and Jane welcomed the change.

Jim sat forward on his chair, hands linked together over the table. He seemed drained.

Jane had a hard time extracting any information from them regarding Elizabeth's relationship with Dorothy. Both Jim and Claudia gave her the same "it was personal, now it's over" discourse, trying to steer the conversation away from that topic. Jane tapped rapidly her pen on her pad for a while, until Korsak asked her to share her pen with him, effectively making her stop.

"Can you think of anybody who would want to hurt your mother?"

Jim's face tightened, lips stretched in a grimace. "No, not at all. But, to be honest, I didn't have much contact with her these past few months. I should have, but work and… you know." He shrugged. "She acted as if she didn't know who I was."

Jane looked down at her notes. "She had Alzheimer's Disease."

"Yes, but it wasn't that advanced yet. Her doctor told me that it was odd that she wouldn't recognize me, when she still recognized most everybody else. I guess she was not happy with me for leaving her there."

"Why did you?"

"As I said, work…" He looked at his wife. "We don't have the time to give her the proper care she needs. Needed."

"Where is your father?" Korsak scribbled a few notes while asking the question.

"Dad died about 3 years ago. Heart attack. After he passed away, she wanted to come to Boston but things here were not… ideal for her. So we invited her to live with us, in New York." Jim's features had darkened, as did his voice. He was crumbling, but it did not seemed grief. It seemed more like guilt.

"What do you mean?" Jane sat forward, her interest suddenly fueled with hope.

"She was very good friends with Dorothy, and she had always said that when dad died, she'd go and live with her."

"So why didn't she?" Korsak was just as engaged as Jane, and he shifted in his hard seat.

Claudia replied, as her husband stood silent, his head down. "We did not think that Dorothy was a good influence on Eli."

"Why not?"

"Something happened between Eli and Dorothy's husband, quite a few years ago. Since then, Eli was not welcomed in their circle anymore."

Jane raised her eyebrows, encouraging Claudia to go on, but the woman stayed silent.

"Was Mrs. Benson happy?"

Claudia shrugged almost imperceptibly. "We think she was. She had a good life. Her husband," She gently squeezed her husband's hand. "Jim's father was a good man. He gave her everything she ever needed and more."

"And since his death?"

"Well," Claudia tucked an invisible strand of hair behind her ear, casting her eyes down. "As Jim said, unfortunately we didn't get to see her that much, but Mrs. Wilkins kept us updated of her health and general state. She told us she was well, better than expected."

"Who is Mrs. Wilkins?" Jane put pen to her pad.

"She is her personal caretaker at the residence. Haven't you spoken to her?"

"No, but we will, thanks." Jane did not feel like pushing the Bensons, as much as she did not understand how someone could dump a parent in a residence 200 miles away, and not get to see her often.

Korsak cleared his throat. "As I explained on the phone, we really need to see her will. Did you bring it with you?"

Jim nodded, and took a folder out of his computer bag.

He handed it over to Korsak, who followed Jane out of the room after excusing themselves.

Elizabeth Benson's will read exactly like Dorothy's, but the other way around. Elizabeth had considerably less money, and only a small property, but whatever she had, she had bequeathed to Dorothy. In the event of her death, everything would go to the same fund mentioned in Dorothy's will.

"You know, I'm starting to think that the only thing in common here is that trust fund. It'll inherit both their fortunes."

Korsak nodded. They went inside the room.

"It says in here that you would not inherit anything? Is that correct?"

Jim nodded, his lips forming a dejected half smile. "Yes. We don't need her money, but it came as a shocker to us to." He shrugged. "I'm sure this was one of Dorothy's ideas, I suppose. My mother was very influenced by that woman."

"So you will not contest it?" Korsak glanced at Jane.

Both Claudia and Jim answered in unison. "No, we won't. No reason to. Let bygones be bygones."

The questioning ended shortly after that. They went up to the bullpen, discussing a case that may still be a greed murder, but not involving the families. They stood by the board, adding new information and discussing the case for a while, until she realized what the time was.

The clock on the wall marked 5:34, which meant she had less than one hour and a half to go home, shower, change and meet Maura. Korsak was engrossed writing on his computer, two fat fingers hitting the keys as playing Whack-A-Mole.

"Korsak?"

"Hm?" He lifted his eyes over his glasses and the computer screen.

"I'm going to call it a day. Have stuff to take care of at home."

Korsak raised his bushy eyebrows. "Date time? Good for you."

"What? No! Why would you even say that?" Her voice sounded too upset, too offended. Guilty as charged. That was what her reply had really said, she realized with a sinking feeling.

The savvy sergeant shook his head, smiling. "Ok. I'd say 'have fun' but since you're not going on a date…"

Jane sneered and shuffled her desk in search of her phone. When she found it, she put her coat on and casually crossed the bullpen, waving over her shoulder.

Her pace shifted considerably as she headed for the elevator. This damn thing never takes this long. Jane convinced herself that pressing the button over and over again would speed the process up.

The traffic was one big jam, and then the car wouldn't steer wide enough to park well.

The water of her shower took way too long to warm up and the towel wouldn't dry her well enough.

Her reflection on the foggy mirror showed a woman with grayish skin, rings under her eyes, and three deep lines across her forehead. It was a good excuse as any to finally use Maura's present. Rummaging through her bathroom drawers, she found a bag full of almost untouched make up. Inside was the very expensive make up base Maura had given her. She smeared it as best as she could, then applied a bit of eyeliner, mascara and eye shadow.

Now her reflection was something she could bear to look at, if she ignored the mess she had for hair. She brushed it back, and tied it in a bun at the base of her head. Her neck would get cold, but at least she wouldn't look like the brunette version of the girl from Harry Potter.

With less than 30 minutes to meet Maura, she still had to get dressed. She opened her wardrobe and was faced with an assortment of gray and black clothing.

This gray jacket is not as nice as the other gray jacket.

No wonder you look like that.

Jane shook her head at the memory of Maura's voice, a smile curling her lips.

She shuffled coat hangers deciding what to wear. As she moved a jacket out of the way to get to her favorite pair of slacks, she touched her blue dress. She hadn't worn it for years.

"Nah. It's freezing, and I hate dresses."


	10. Dinner Date

At 7:05 pm Jane stood at the entrance of the restaurant, slightly out of breath and shivering although the heating was more than adequate inside. After checking on the reservation list, the maître smiled and pointed at a secluded table at the end of the restaurant.

She gingerly walked towards Maura, who was busy reading the menu. Her mouth dried up, and her heart threatened to burst the vein in her neck. She wiped her hands along the sides of her legs as she reached the table.

Maura raised her head and her eyes shot wide open.

Jane felt her face burn when Maura's eyes travelled from her face to her high heel shoes and up again.

Maura's mouth closed only to have her right eyebrows and smile that Mona Lisa smile of hers. "You look… gorgeous. And I love this blue dress. It really suits you; you should wear it more often." Maura's casual tone belied the less friendly thoughts and reactions she was having.

The giddiness forced Jane to sit less elegantly than the short dress would have required. She smiled, suddenly feeling grateful for wearing a sleeveless dress. It was way too hot inside the restaurant. She was surprised that Maura hadn't explained the maître that the recommended temperature for heating was 70 degrees, to avoid unnecessary damage to the… She stopped, realizing she was paraphrasing Maura in her head.  _This is going too far._

"Sorry I'm late." Jane shuffled in her seat, trying to get the skirt not to ride up too much.

Maura had one elbow on the table, her fingers resting on the underside of her chin. "Five minutes is fashionably late. I was too early, since I did not change." Maura's lips curved upwards, her eyes bright.

"Well, the gray jacket had brand new stale coffee stain on it, and the other gray jacket wasn't nicer than the stained one."

"Your hair looks nice like that. Love the earrings."

Jane gave her a coy smile, self-consciously touching her earring.

Maura had appraised and complimented her many times before, but Jane felt that this time her words had a new backdrop that threw a complete different spin on them.

_Or am I just imaging it? Maura hasn't changed clothes. It's me who went overboard, dressing up, make up and every date prop. Wait. Am I on a date? I kissed Maura not once, but three times. She said that a date wasn't what she had in mind. She just wanted to talk._

Jane realized with a sinking feeling that it didn't feel like a date. It felt like her  _first date ever,_  but she may have read all the signs wrong. The throbbing on her forehead started to push hard.

"Jane?"

"Hm?" The headache made the low lights seem impossibly bright.

"If you feel uncomfortable we can leave now, if you want." A note of sadness tinged Maura's voice.

Jane felt a pang of shame. She was behaving like a silly schoolgirl, not like the tough detective she was supposed to be. And across the table was her best friend, sitting with her at a nice restaurant, about to have dinner together like dozen other times. She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax, to stop and remember she was with Maura. It was safe.

She eventually smiled and shook her head. "No. I'm fine. And I'm hungry." She instantly regretted having to lie twice, but hoped that saying it aloud would make it true. It was a good way of focusing all thoughts on something other than her own stupidity. And also, being honest, she did not want to leave.

"Thanks for the English Menu." She forced a grin, and the forced gesture became true when she found an echo in Maura.

"Well, technically, it is half English, half Japanese, but I'm sure it'll do." Maura opened the menu and scanned it, completely at ease. "So, what do you feel like having?"

Jane's stomach needed some time to wind down so, as much as she liked Japanese, she didn't feel fit to make any decent choice. "You choose. A bit of everything we like, I guess? We can share, as always."

"Good idea." Maura gestured the waiter with a small nod of her head, and placed the order. "Tell me about the case. Any progress?"

The word 'case' relaxed Jane completely; it made her feel in control again. As she told her about the interrogations and her suspicions, the plates started rolling and conversation flowed as easily as any other time together.

By the end of the meal, Jane felt placid.

But as they were waiting for the tea a heavy silence fell on the table. She knew the time had come to address  _it_.

The room suddenly warmed up again, the dress itched, and the shoes were too tight. The napkin was fortunately made of cotton; otherwise, after passing through Jane's fingers, it would have ended as a shredded line of fluffy paper.

Jane knew Maura was looking at her, but she couldn't look up. She didn't feel ready to talk openly about  _feelings_ , but she knew she had to. She had tried to work through it on her own, only managing to come up with a headache and another circle of new questions. The frustration killed her. She needed her friend, but fear was choking her. Her mind dictated her words, gestures, but nothing would come out of her mouth.

The young waiter brought the teas and Jane stared at her steaming cup in silence, stirring it endlessly, feeling her nerve ebbing way with each turn of the spoon.

Maura sat quietly, running her index finger along the side of her glass. She didn't know for how long she could resist the urge to hold Jane's hand, the urge to get up and hold her, make her feel safe. Seeing Jane like this reminded her of the first days after Vania's shooting. She ached to see her trapped inside herself, a cry far from the witty, self-assured brassy detective she usually was.  
She didn't want to push Jane into talking, but they were two grown adults and they had to face up to things. And as best friends, they had to do it together. As bad as she considered herself to be with live humans, the urge to regain a sense of normalcy with her best friend gave her the strength to lead them through whatever path awaited for them.

Suddenly, she had a wonderful idea.

"Jane?"

"What?" Jane looked up and forced a smile.

"You know I am a lot better with dead people."

Jane nodded, puzzled.

"I pride myself of making them speak through me." Maura spoke with the same satisfaction she got after concluding a particular difficult autopsy.

Jane arched her brow. "Okay." She nodded, quickly shifting to a gentle head shake. "Yes, I am not following you at all."

Maura pursed her lips, and shifted her shoulders, as if the movement would reorder her thoughts. "Don't get upset, but given the amount of interaction we are having right now, and your, albeit temporary, inability to speak words, I am inclined to feel I am dealing with one of my cases. Which is, in fact, not a bad thing." She gave Jane a smug grin. "I can have you talk through me."

Jane's mouth fell open, aghast. This was by far the weirdest thing Maura had ever said.  _Ever_.

Maura shook her head, offended. "Don't look so shocked. I am really good at making people who can't talk tell a story. You can't talk, so what's the difference?" To Maura, this logical conclusion was solid, useful and ingenious.

Suddenly Jane realized Maura might have a point. They had come here to talk, and she hadn't been able to say anything that wasn't food or work related. This was Maura at her weirdest, but this insane idea made complete sense in the context of a very weird situation.

"Fine. As long as you don't slice me open, or probe me with your knife, I'm game. What do I have to do? Take my clothes off and lie on the table?"

Maura blushed briefly, but then sat up on the chair almost bouncing with happiness. "Actually, you just need to nod or shake your head. If you feel like overextending yourself and utter a Yes or No, you may. "

Jane pressed her lips together suppressing a laugh. Maura was weird, but also absolutely adorable.

"Okay. Let's start with an easy one. Is the tea still hot?"

Jane shook her head.

Maura wagged her shoulders, flashing a smug smile. "Good. Next one is easy too. Did you have enough to eat?"

Jane nodded, suppressing a smile.

"Very good. Okay, let's move on. Do you want to leave now?"

Jane looked into Maura's eyes for a few seconds, and shook her head. Her pulse started to pick up its pace.

"Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

Jane swallowed and nodded.

"Am  _I_  making you uncomfortable?"

Jane smiled, doubting for a second. She shook her head.

"Are you afraid?"

Jane closed her eyes and moved her head down, biting her lip. She felt again like a schoolgirl, sensing a lump on her throat getting bigger by the second. After a few beats she nodded, still without looking at Maura.

"Are you afraid of losing our friendship?"

The lump pushed up and Jane felt a surge of powerlessness and frustration she could not stop. She nodded again, biting her lip harder.

Maura leant over, and spoke almost in a whisper. "Are you afraid of letting this go on, only to find out that it is not what you really want?"

Jane looked at Maura, and couldn't stop her eyes from welling up. She didn't have to nod. The runaway tear spoke for her.

"Do you want me to stop?" Maura's voice was deep, slow, burning into Jane. Her eyes were warm like a hug, one that Jane wished she could get or give right now. She wiped the tear, swallowed while Maura held her with her eyes.

"No". The sound of her own voice, broken and huskier than ever, startled Jane.

"Do you want  _us_  to stop? Maura's eyes were pleading but determined.

Jane knew that if she said 'yes', it would be all over. She knew that Maura loved her enough to put it all away, whatever 'all' was, so they could be just friends, whatever the cost. She looked at Maura's lips, and she felt her heart coming back to life. She wanted to kiss her.

Her eyes slid lower, focusing on the skin on her neck, her shoulders, and remembered how her good feeling Maura's skin had felt last time they had embraced. It had felt good, really good.

Her eyes continued their downward path, reaching the skin showing beyond the V formed by Maura's dress, and the swell of her breasts. She felt a twinge of panic, realizing she was staring at Maura's breasts, fully aware of what that meant. She blinked twice when she realized that her staring was affecting Maura too; her breathing seemed to have accelerated, judging from the rapid up and down shifting of her breasts. Her face burned up, deeply embarrassed, but also feeling a new, unforeseen urge. She closed her eyes waiting for both panic and physical reaction to subside. Taking a deep breath, Jane looked up.

Maura was biting her lip, her brow slightly furrowed, her eyes almost black. This was Maura at her most vulnerable, hanging from Jane's every gesture and movement, and yet, holding up with a strength Jane truly envied. She seemed timid, sexy, cuddly, and fierce, all at once.

_She's so beautiful…_ Jane felt a surge of something that was not arousal; it was deeper, stronger, scarier.

_Do you want us to stop?_  The echo of Maura's words made Jane realized that she was still owed an answer.

_How can I possibly fight this?_  She hoped she would be able to make go away the permeating sense of weirdness; a feeling present every time she felt like falling into Maura's lips, or thought about their kisses, or even saw an income text message from her.

Jane found herself helplessly moving in the only possible direction.

Maura was trembling, enduring what seemed an eternity, waiting for Jane to answer. She was struggling to fight what felt like a particular strong case of orthostatic hypotension, even thought she hadn't moved a muscle.

The rush of blood to her head almost deafened her, but she didn't need to hear when she saw Jane mouthing, "No, I don't want us to stop," followed by a tiny shake of her head and a scared, timid, happy smile.

Maura's hand, free from the restrain of overwhelming emotions, moved over the table, landing gently on Jane's. She took a deep breath, concentrating on regaining her equilibrium. "I'm also scared, Jane. I'm terrified. But I love you, no matter what."

Jane nodded, and squeezed Maura's hand. "Please tell me you are not always this mushy." Jane grinned, exorcising the panic with the facetious remark, even if her voice was broken and barely audible. "I don't do mushy."

Maura laughed, exhaling the pent up tension. "So you say, my friend. Keep saying it, and you may even end up believing it."

Jane grunted. She stole a look around the room; it was empty except for them and the maître busy writing something at the desk by the entrance. She then looked at their joined hands and gently caressed Maura's palm with her thumb, feeling her heart move from her chest to her throat.

"I feel like a klutz." Jane chewed her lip, eyes following Maura's fingers as they gently played with her own.

"You are adorable, Jane." Maura squeezed her hand, shocked at her mouth's inability to stay shut.

Jane rolled her eyes, but inside she felt mushy, girly, giddy. Her mouth jumped in, holding her strong. "Hm. Korsak would actually pay to see this. I'd never hear the end of it."

They maître appeared at the table, and Jane tried to pull her hand away. Maura grabbed it firmly, and smiled to the nice young man.

"This is our finest sake. Courtesy of the house." The waited smiled knowingly before dipping his head curtly. "Ladies." He turned around leaving Jane mortified.

"Sorry, Maur. I," Jane shot her an apologetic look. "I'm not used to PDAs, you know. Even less-" She cleared her throat while she tried to find the right words.

"It's okay, Jane. I once read this really interesting piece on how fear conditions the mind to build an scary alternate reality, when reality may be, in fact, less scary that what our minds has led us to believe."

Jane shook her head. "Is there  _anything_  you have not read, Maura? Really? You're such a dork. An adorable dork, but still a complete dork"

Maura flushed at the word 'adorable', and gave Jane's hand a little squeeze.

"I have not read how to do this we are doing, Jane." She gave a little sideways shake with her head. "Well, I  _did_  do some reading, but there is no manual for this." Maura took a deep breath. "It is a rather daunting situation, and yet, somehow, all I need to do is look at you and everything is just… Fine." She shrugged. "The rest we will figure it out as we go."

"But," Jane shook her head, now playing with Maura's fingers. "How can I just," She snapped the fingers of her free hand. "Switch sides like this. I mean, I never, ever even consider this even possible. I'm not a-"

Maura cut her short, softly but firmly. "Jane, look at me." She held the big, brown, scared eyes with all the love she could muster. "This is just you and I, here and now. No labels, no sides. All that it matters is how this feels. How we feel."

"Maur?" Jane winced playfully. "Mush alert."

Maura rolled her eyes, mockingly offended. Zesty Jane made Maura breathe more easily.

"So… " Jane took a deep breath. "Now what?"

"Now we fight, as usual, over who pays the bill."

"Oh, nice one." Jane laughed, feeling lucky to have Maura by her side.


	11. And now what?

The cold of the clear evening made Jane gasp. The effects of the sake and the bubble they had created disappeared together with the vapor of her breath. She cursed herself for having chosen a dress; her feet were numb as she stood outside the restaurant, hands in her jacket pocket, playing with her car keys.

She had no idea what she was supposed to say, do, think. The cold seeped in together with reality.  _What had just happened? What had we agreed to exactly? Go on kissing, become friends with benefits, girlfriends, what?_

"So."

It floored Jane how shallow that word sounded after the conversation they just had, but she had to put a stop to her thoughts. The evening had been intense, but also really pleasant, and Maura seemed as uncertain as she did.

"I'm cold." Maura face smiled but her eyes didn't.

The realization that her friend was avoiding her gaze, seemingly at a loss again, crushed her. The usually focused detective looked lost again; not that she herself had everything figured out. However, she was not prone to indulge in over thinking situations. She felt most comfortable assessing, analyzing and then simply making a decision.

Maura was aware of how challenged in the social interaction category she tended to be, and did not feel equipped to be as wise as she needed to be right now. But she needed Jane close. She desired to be a lifeline so her friend wouldn't float inwards again. So she just spoke the first thing she thought might succeed getting Jane to react positively, like it had the night before.

"I think we need a good cup of hot coffee. Let me make you one." Maura said casually while searching for her keys.

Jane's head shot up at the word 'coffee'. She realized she craved one, and since she knew she wouldn't sleep much that night anyway, why the hell worry about caffeine so late at night, she figured.

It would have been really weird to just say 'OK, see you tomorrow' and drive home, but her brain spinning was quite capable of fucking up a wonderful evening, so she didn't make a decision until her eyes fell into Maura's caring, comforting smile. The air felt a little warmer.

"As long as it's not decaf. I'll follow you in my car."

Maura sighed, relieved.

Twenty minutes later Jane sat at Maura's kitchen table, watching her ceremoniously prepare the coffee. It was just like any other night, except that Jane was wearing a _very_ short dress, and they had just come from something that was supposed to be a date.  _Did I just go on a date with Maura?_  She rubbed her face, ignoring the effects on her make up, and massaged her forehead.

Maura sensed something was amiss. She glanced at Jane, and saw her friend frowning, lost in thought.

"What's wrong?" She smiled gently, letting her stomach withstand the wave of fear that crumpled it. She turned the coffee machine on, and leant on the table looking at Jane, keeping a prudent distance.

"Was that a date, Maur?"

Maura suppressed a smile, and exhaled. "Well, it depends. Did it feel like a date to you?"

"I-I don't know. Maybe. Did it feel like a date to  _you_?"

Maura glanced down, smiling with her lips tight. "If I said it did, will it scare you?"

"Maura, are you going to stop answering me with another question?"

"What do you mean?" Maura met Jane's eyes, and raised an eyebrow, smiling with her lips closed, eyes shining.

"Oh, you are  _so_  frustrating." The smile and gentle shake softened the words. "So. Spit it out. Was that a date?"

Maura pursed her lips, knowing she was walking on thin ice. She couldn't read Jane's intentions, and was profoundly afraid of scaring her. Although they had agreed to continue, it was never made explicit what they would actually do from now on. The lack of boundaries made her feel uneasy, but less that not having Jane close to her.

Her eyes shifted to Jane's.

"I have never had a date that resembled our dinner. My dates usually involve a stereotypical mating ritual, including a sequence of appropriate comments and behaviors, where two people assess if they are sexually or otherwise compatible."

Jane tilted her head, forehead creased. The thought of Maura assessing someone else sexually triggered a rapid fire of puzzling emotions: embarrassment, sadness and...  _Wait, am I jealous?_  Jane's eyes widened, but quickly dismissed the ridiculous idea.

"So, it wasn't a date, then?"

Maura shrugged, an unclassifiable look over her face, and took her hands back to the coffee machine.

"Oh. You so  _wanted_  that to be a date." Jane stared at Maura, her eyes grinning, lips suffocating the smug smile.

Maura poured two coffees, wiped her hand and the counter, and looked at Jane while giving her a cup.

"Well, it was a most enjoyable evening. The food and ambiance were excellent, the conversation very interesting and enlightening, my companion was…dazzling, and I am quite certain I got clear hints pointing towards a dalliance. I would say it was a rather perfect date."

Jane felt suddenly safe with a whole kitchen table between them. The schoolgirl's heart started thudding against her ribcage.

"Dalliance? Seriously? Where the hell do you get all those words from?" Jane trusted on her old friend the quip to hold her steady.

"Dalliance, as in-"

"You may be surprised, but I know what dalliance means. I just… " She smiled, letting her voice trail off and shaking her head. She dropped two spoons of sugar in her coffee. As she stirred it, she thought of her tea back at the restaurant, and with it, she remembered the feelings behind that. She felt a lot more relaxed now than then, although she still had not a single clue what to do, what she was supposed to do.

_Question is: what do I want to do now? I need to stop being such a klutz. I need to stop getting stuck in my head._

It all resolved itself when Maura came around her counter, gently touched her side and continued to the couch; a silent invitation to follow her, as she had done a thousand times.

Her body got off the chair and went behind Maura, as it had been trained to over many, many days and nights. Her brain followed, telling her heart to stop thumping.

Jane let herself fall on the couch, completely forgetting she had a lady's dress on. The skirt rode up high, and, blushing, she pulled it down as best as she could.

The coffee was great, and its warmth and smell triggered a sense of wellness. The only thing wrong at that very instant were her feet. They hadn't stopped hurting all night. She shifted, getting her foot on the couch close to her butt. Her fingers started rubbing the sore spots, closing her eyes in relief.

Maura shifted upwards her head, peeking at Jane's foot over her mug.

"Did you know there are around 100 different pressure points in the sole of a foot? Applying the right motion and adequate pressure, you can help soothe anything from a migraine to a sore knee. What is hurting you?"

"My feet hurt, Maura. How can you wear those damn things all day long?"

Maura laughed aloud, left her mug on the table, and shifted, her back now flush against the couch.

"Here," she tapped her thighs. "Put you feet here. I'll show you how easy is to feel better after footwear torture."

Jane tilted her head, and looked at Maura through half-closed eyes. Maura tapped her thighs again, smiling innocently. Jane shifted in the seat battling with her dress, which was hell bent on riding up and winning the war, and hoped her feet wouldn't smell bad.

Maura rubbed the palms of her hands briskly and placed them gingerly on Jane's feet.

"It would be better to do this without the stockings, but they are very soft. Where did you buy them?" Maura lifted one shoulder and pursed her lips. "They feel exquisite."

"You gave them to me, Maur."

Maura smiled. "Right. That explains it."

"What do you mean? Never mind. You are right. They are about the only type of these bloody things I can bear. So thanks again, even if you forget the presents you give me."

Maura shook her head, her lips stretched into an apologetic smile. Her fingers started to work on Jane's right foot, rubbing a small circle under the joint of her big toe.

Jane sighed. "Hey, that feels good… right here?" She touched her neck, puzzled.

Maura pushed her shoulders forward and back in a small, short movement, and smiled smug. "You see?"

"Hm…" Jane closed her eyes, lifting a hand and pointing at her foot. "See if you can find the spot for the back; it's killing me from sitting all day."

Maura's fingers kept on working over Jane's foot, and she was quite pleased with herself when she saw Jane's head tilted slightly back, eyes closed. Her hands moved towards the heel and she started massaging it, making a mental note to give Jane a marvelous heel softening balm she had recently found.

As her fingers worked towards the back of the heel, Maura heard Jane exhaling softly. Her eyes were still closed, her face totally relaxed, and her lips parted. As she focused on them, she saw the tip of the tongue wetting them. Her heart skipped a beat, and felt a wave of heat flushing from her face all the way down. She swallowed, blinking as if it would stop the chain reaction.

Jane's chest moved up and down, with a slow yet ample movement. Maura felt powerless when she saw her hand leave the foot and move over to the Calcanean tendon, and continue up towards the well-defined Gastrocnemius.

Jane's head rose, her eyebrows up. She pressed her lips. Her eyes followed Maura's soft movement on the back of her leg, close to the knee.

"Maura?"

Maura stopped, her eyes meeting Jane's.

"That's in the general direction of 3rd base. You haven't even batted yet. I thought you were aware of the general rules of the game?" Jane repressed a mischievous grin, hiding the both intense flushing and the overwhelming sense of weirdness clashing inside.

Maura laugh morphed into a playful, almost lascivious grin. "So, should I bat first, then?" She batted her eyelids.

Jane scoffed, her eyes half closed playfully admonishing her friend from her tilted head. "Dr. Maura Isles. Are you flirting with me?"

"Me? What makes you say that!" She pouted playfully, but her eyes were getting darker as they bore into Jane's.

Jane's heart now thudded wildly inside her chest. Maura's gaze was touching her deeper than her hands had.

"We don't flirt, remember?" Her voice came out as a breath, huskier than usual.

Maura lowered her eyes and fixed them on Jane's mouth. She saw the lips part, much further away from her she would have liked it.

Jane solved that for her. She lowered her legs back down to the floor, her hands still waging battle with the blue dress but her eyes never breaking contact with Maura's lips.

They got closer and closer as they both slowly leaned and shifted towards each other.

"Should I stop?" Maura's breath reached Jane, warm.

Jane shook her head slowly, scared of falling from the dizziness she felt. No weirdness.

The kiss felt like home. The first tentative touch of lips became a thousand, evolving from shy recon mission to sparring to soft caresses.

Their hands left the lips to do all the work. No matter how much their hands wanted to roam, or their bodies screamed to get rid of all the clothes and feel skin on skin, there was a well-defined line that neither could venture to cross.

They fell into each other, their bodies stretched intertwined over the couch, faces buried in necks, lips on lips, arms hugging, but their hands just pressed arms or shoulders.

After a while, the heat became insufferable and the petting became just a caress, a meeting of foreheads, hands lingering on cheeks. Hunger gave way to tenderness. And tenderness and calm gave Jane's head space to roam.

Jane couldn't stop trembling, fully aware that Maura would have, gladly, gone further than they did. She would have too, she realized. It shocked her, excited her, embarrassed her, but also, made her feel like crying. She didn't do crying.

 _Are you scared that we might go on, only to discover that this is not what you want?_   _Are you afraid to lose our friendship?_

Maura's words at the restaurant looped in her mind. Why did she hold back? Her body felt like a raw wire; every movement that Maura made, every caress, made her body jolt and want more. Her body responded in a very sexual way, and yet, the sense of weirdness pulled her, blocked her, as if she jumped and looked at them from the outside.

_Is it what others would think? Is that it?_

Nah, it was her. It was all her. As usual, things got intense and she ran inwards to seek the comfort of all those little boxes where she kept it all neat, safe, tidy, under control.

Maura's box had a huge label called "Girl Friend"; clearly, a friend who happened to be a girl.

The gap between those two words was just a single space. Erase it, and it would become "Girlfriend" – a whole different thing. Only a small space, but it fell like the Grand Canyon.

Jane opened her eyes. She saw how she was nestled in Maura's arms, their arms and legs wrapped around each other.

She became again aware of the smell of Maura's neck, a mixture of perfume and something else she couldn't identify, but made her all jittery and hungry.

It felt right – so right, but it looked wrong.

No, it didn't look wrong.

It felt weird; so very weird.

Weird good, but still weird.

Maura's fingers caressed her. A gentle kiss warmed the skin of her deeply creased forehead.

"Jane?"

Maura lifted Jane's head up, until she managed to have eye contact.

"Are you okay?" Maura had a deep crease between her eyebrows. Her eyes were shiny.

Jane felt a sharp pain in her chest. She had allowed herself to be overcome by fear again, and in the process, completely disregard Maura and her feelings. Her jaw tensed, angry with herself.

"I'm sorry, Maur." Jane pointed at her head. "Nasty interrogation room action."

Maura smiled tenderly, betraying the obvious worry in her eyes. "If you are not comfortable…"

"Weird."

"Hm." Maura frowned, pensive. "Did you know that the word weird originally meant something concerning with or controlling destiny and fate?"

"Thanks, Mrs. Collins Dictionary. Makes it all much more clear." Jane grinned. "My head is a scary place, but yours… I don't know if I'd have the guts."

Maura smiled. "Actually, I've been reflecting on it. I am most surprised to find my brain unusually devoid of activity. But yes, I can understand your assessment."

"You mean, the weird thing?"

Maura nodded. "But it doesn't seem to trouble me as much as it does you. I wish I could help you with that."

"You can." Jane smiled coyly, and slowly covered the small distance between their lips, stopping at the last minute, as if asking for permission.

Maura brushed her lips, a small moan following immediately, as if she had just tasted some of that fancy food Jane couldn't even pronounce.

Jane emerged for air, dizzy and oblivious to thought. "Whoa. Thanks. A bit better now."

She grinned, feeling a surge of closeness that tasted like happiness and for the first time in the evening, she forgot she was wearing a short dress.


	12. Morning after

Jane woke up in three stages.

First stage was about the warm, soft skin and a gentle heartbeat against her cheek, and the wonderful smell that enveloped her.

Second stage had Jane blinking and trying to open and focus her eyes. She saw Maura and herself wrapped like a burrito, their naked arms over the blanket.

_Oh God. I slept with Maura. Fuck!_

_No. Not fuck._  She corrected herself instantly. _Let it be anything but that…_

As the weird-meter in her head went off chart she tried to move again, but Maura had a completely relaxed and heavy arm draped over her. Jane moved her fingers and felt the soft fabric of Maura's dress. Then she moved her foot against the blanket and realized with relief that whilst her dress had won the battle, she still had on the soft stockings Maura gave her.

They were both fully dressed. She sighed with relief, relaxing back into Maura's embrace. It actually felt  _so_  good, despite the weirdness and the desperate need to stretch. She carefully untangled her arm and rubbed her face.

Last stage of waking up happened when Jane saw her watch. She gasped, cussing under her breath.

_Language, Jane!_  Maura's voice rang in her head.

_Okay. Maura is in my brain. This is beyond weird_. Jane turned her head to face Maura's, determined to wake her up, get up and go to work right that minute.

Before she could speak, she saw her friend's lips, curved up in a placid smiled barely two inches from her own mouth. Her lips reached out and gave Maura a gentle kiss.

_Great. I don't even control my lips anymore._

"Maur?" Jane whispered, suddenly hoping she didn't have morning breath.

Seeing no reaction, Jane felt the urge to gently shake Maura's shoulder. Instead, she tentatively caressed her friend's blissful face, wondering how odd it was that she went on all those years without even realizing how strikingly beautiful Maura was.

Green eyes opened slowly. She focus on Jane's eyes, and beamed. "Good morning."

Jane smiled back, lost in the speckles of yellow and brown in the green eyes. Then suddenly, she remembered. She cleared her throat.

" _Late_  morning, Maur. It's 8:25. Friday. Work day?"

Maura sat up aghast, making Jane fall of the couch.

"Oh Jane, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..."

Jane grunted and got up, pulling the blanket with her. "I've had worse."

She stood up and struggled to lower her dress while holding up the blanket.

"Please don't look. This is embarrassing enough as is." Jane felt her cheeks warm up, feeling mortified.

Maura tilted her head and gave Jane a soft, amused smile.

"What!" Jane's hoarse voice left her in a frustrated groan.

"It's adorable to see you blush."

"Maura! Geez, aren't you supposed to be having a panic attack or something? You're like an hour late for work, and instead, you're sitting there laughing at me."

"Actually, I decided that I am quite enjoying this moment. I don't want to ruin it by rushing around. I'll call Susie in a minute." Maura's face lit with a self-congratulatory smile. "And I am  _not_  laughing at you; how could I? You're adorable."

Seeing Jane's flustered face, she quickly changed topics. "Why are  _you_  so worked out? It's not the first time you are late?"

Jane sneered, checking the contents their mugs from last night.

" _Up_ , not out...And Korsak will have a field day with me. He was convinced I was going on a date last night."

"You were going on a…" Maura eyes shot wide open, her face half open in disbelief. "Jane, what on earth are you  _doing?"_

Jane stopped just before drinking the old, cold coffee from her mug.

"What do you think? I need coffee. I knew I hadn't finished my cup last night." A smug smile thinned her lips.

"Oh, Jane. That is too much, even for you." Maura shook her head resigned, got up and headed for the kitchen. "And, back to Sergeant Korsak… He is an excellent detective. You  _were_ going on a date."

Jane looked at Maura and blinked.

"What- I-" Jane threw her hands up, desperate. "I didn't even know myself until  _after_  it happened and-"

Jane waved one hand at Maura, the other lodged on her hip.

"Why are  _you_  smiling like that? It's mid morning on a work day and you're… waltzing around the coffee machine." She placed her hands on her waist and frowned at her friend.

"Okay. Who are you, and what have you done to Maura?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Maura shifted her shoulders and smiled innocently.

Jane shook her head, sighing. "Never mind. I need to get out of this damn dress. I'll be 5 minutes".

"But that dress looks so lovely on you-" Maura's teasing eyes followed Jane as she storm off the room. "And it's not becoming to stomp while wearing a-"

"Maura!" Jane grunted loud as she left the room.

Maura laughed as she turned the coffee machine on. Then took a deep breath and smiled contented, feeling a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold temperature. The memory of their encounter last night coursed hot through her.

It had been the most chaste ending to a date since she was a young adult, but she was overwhelmed by a very strong feeling she couldn't quite label.

Maura cycled through appropriate descriptors in her brain, and decided 'blissful' was indeed an accurate reflection of her current state.

Ten minutes later Jane returned to the kitchen back wearing slacks, shirt and a pair of her sensible wide-heeled boots.

"Aren't you ready yet?" Jane lowered her head, staring up at Maura with completely disbelief.

"Coffee is." Maura filled a mug and started preparing a bowl of cereal for Jane. "Have you called Korsak?"

Jane nodded, frozen. Although the intense weirdness she felt after she woke up had evaporated with the hot shower, this version of Maura brought it back.

She was used to swift, precise, focused Maura. This version of her just looked odd, although not in a bad way. She seemed so relaxed, so at ease with herself.

Jane felt a pang of envy, but also something entirely new and different.

Hiding behind her mug, Jane followed every movement Maura made. She realized she found this Maura utterly adorable, feeling a shiver running from head to toe.

Maura felt Jane's intense gaze on her and stopped half way through wiping the kitchen counter clean. Her whole face beamed at Jane.

Jane's heart stammered before taking a big gulp of her coffee.

Maura left her own mug and walked around the counter.

Jane gasped.  _Oh god, there she is, prowling again. How can she make so damn nervous?_

But as Maura reached her, she was smiling softly. The green eyes were cocooning Jane in, adoringly. Jane left her cup on the counter before she spilled the coffee all over the clean counter, and waited, her heart thudding.

Maura made a start as if to speak, but stopped. Instead, she got closer to Jane. Just as she was about to reach her lips she stopped, as if asking for permission or waiting for rejection. Neither happened, so she softly kissed Jane; just a warm pressing of lips together.

Then she moved away, still smiling that Mona Lisa smile, and Jane shivered again.

"Thanks." Maura simply mouthed the word.

Jane cleared her throat. That was not what she had expected Maura to say.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"For not running away."

Jane had wanted to; now she just wanted to stay in all day with Maura.

"Will you wait for me while I get ready?" Maura asked expectantly.

Feeling a pang of disappointment, Jane shrugged. "There is no point in taking two cars through Boston at this time of day." Jane lifted an eyebrow. "It would seriously exhaust an already scarce natural resource." She hid her grin behind her mug.

Maura feigned offense. "Fine. I'll be back in a jiffy."

"One-hour jiffy or less?"

Maura glared at Jane with mock anger. "You know… if I didn't love you so much I'd be really upset with you, Jane." Maura smiled, dropped a quick peck on Jane's cheek and left the room.

Jane smug smile evaporated, her heart thudding so hard she could count the beats with her tongue.

Forty minutes later, already inside Maura's car, Jane had recovered from Maura's declaration of love, deciding that it wasn't the first time Maura had said something like that, and that it shouldn't feel weird. She also decided that it wasn't weird that she didn't mind that much, or that she knew deep inside that she felt the same.

However, her knee had not stopped bouncing.

When Maura turned off her car in the parking garage, she turned to Jane and placed a soft but firm hand on Jane's leg, making it stay still.

"Jane." Her tone was soft but firm. "It's okay." She searched for Jane's eyes and smiled.

"I know that you are worried that your mother, or Korsak, might see right through you, and start questioning you. I know it is hard for you to get used to us like this, and even harder talk to anyone about what is going on. But it'll be fine. You will just walk in there and," Maura pointed with her head towards the pedestrian exit. "You will be just fine. You will go up to your desk, and make calls, and see people, and focus on finding out whoever murdered those lovely ladies."

Jane smiled, hiding a sigh she couldn't stop. "You are  _scary."_

"Scary nice, I hope." Maura smiled satisfied with herself, and refrained from leaning over towards Jane.

"Hm. Not sure." Jane shook her head, looked around outside the car, and smiled softly at Maura. "But yeah. You are right. I really need to focus and solve this case."

Maura grinned, relieved, and gently squeezed Jane's knee.

"Will you finish late tonight?"

"I hope not. Jo Friday must be driving my neighbor crazy by now."

Jane realized Maura looked disappointed. Before she lost her nerve, she spoke again.

"Tonight is the charity Red Sox game. If you bring a pizza, I will give you wine. I still have that full bottle of the Chateau Oh-la-la you left last time."

Maura laughed, shaking her head, feeling blissful again.

 

*   *   *

Maura had been right, Jane thought after reaching the bullpen.

Ma was busy working so they hadn't even crossed paths, and Korsak had been too busy over the phone to pay attention to her; he just greeted her with a shake of his pen.

When he hung up the phone, he asked her if she had managed to fix her shower.

"What? Oh, yes, I- no big deal for a plumber's daughter." She winged the question quite to her satisfaction and turned her head back to her screen, her heart kicking hard.

Hours later Jane had achieved all she set out to do with almost complete focus – except that once or twice can she couldn't help thinking of Maura.

Her stomach rumbled and she laughed, remembering the origami discussion back at the breakwater. She felt an intense urge to get up and run downstairs but instead leant back on her chair, blinking.

_What the hell is going on? I am a damn schoolgirl, all gooey over Maura. Oh god._

She ran her hand through her hair, logged off her computer and stormed out of the bullpen.

Few minutes later, as she was furiously walking down the street, her phone rang. It was Korsak. The lawyer had called, inviting them for tea and cakes the following afternoon.

Jane scoffed. "Tea and cake on a Saturday afternoon? What kind of lawyer is that? Never mind. I'm coming back now. See ya." She ended the call, only to realize then that Korsak didn't deserve her foul mood.

She headed back to the office in time for the nurse's visit, feeling angrier with herself than awkward.

As she was about to enter the building, a couple of young girls passed by her, holding hands. Jane chest tightened. They actually looked cute.

_Will I end up walking with Maura like that?_

She frowned, but her face relaxed as she remembered Maura's eyes, lips, warmth...

She shook her head, realizing she was beginning to lose the battle, and that it may not be that bad after all.

By 6 pm, Jane was beat and wanted to go home, after the dead-end interview with the nurse. She had done all she could do about the case, and also had managed to avoid both Frankie and her Ma.

She had earned getting into her PJs, a beer and an off-season game on her couch.  _With Maura_. Her heart skipped a beat. Hiding her face from Korsak, just in case it looked as hot as it felt, she shuffled papers.

"Uhm, Korsak?"

Korsak looked at her over his glasses.

"Listen, about earlier…"

He shook his head and took his glasses off. "Don't worry. I would also be grumpy if I had a hot date and overslept the next morning."

"What? Oh you-" She threw a ball of crumpled paper at him. "Forget I apologized."

Korsak smiled smugly. "But you didn't apologize. You just said 'Listen, about earlier…'"

Jane couldn't help laughing over her kicking heart. She realized she'd better hide the truth in plain sight.

"Okay. You caught me. You are  _so_  good. Now let's get out of here; it's late and there's nothing we can do until we see that lawyer." She grinned. "But let's leave together, so people think  _we_  are dating."

Korsak laughed silently, and got up, grabbing his jacket. "I'll meet you outside the lawyer's at 4:30 tomorrow afternoon."

Jane nodded and watched Korsak leave waving from over his shoulder.

"Don't grin. I can hear you!" Jane smiled, and sat back on her chair, pleased with herself.

_Maura_.

Without any specific thought in mind, she picked her phone up and started typing.

" _I wanna go. Need a beer, or a glass of Chateau Whatever, but my car is at your place."_  She tapped on "Send."

Maura's reply came back almost instantly. " _I'm ready if you are."_

" _I'll meet you at your car in five."_ She sent the message and heard her brother's voice.

"Hey, leaving early?" Frankie's voice made her jump.

Jane cursed under her breath. Ten feet from the crossing line, and somebody had just moved it. She turned her head back, tilting it, making it hard for Frankie to see her agitation.

"I just saw Maura at the cafeteria. What happened to her?"

Jane frowned, worried. "Nothing, I dunno. Why? What happened?"

Frankie shrugged. "Nothing. She just looked… so happy, like bouncing around smiling at everyone." He frowned. "That's not like Maura."

Jane turned around, facing at the login screen in her computer screen. "I- Who knows… I'll ask her when I see her."

"Oh, you're not watching the game at her place? I was hoping I could drop by…"

"Oh, the game." Jane swallowed, typing a wrong passcode twice, just to do something. "Yeah, no, well… I- she made plans." Jane bounced her knee under her desk, furiously thinking how to anticipate his next question.

"I'm sorry, I have stuff to do for this case, you know, otherwise we could have watched it together."

"You won't watch this game live? It's an historic event, Jane. Whoa, that sucks." Frankie gave his head a little nod sideways, and turned back to his desk.

Jane bit her lip, trying to make the sigh inaudible.

_He would hate me. He really likes Maura. He wouldn't understand it, and he'd be right, this is weird… She is family"_  She winced, and chewed the inside of her mouth, forcing her brain to stop.

She thought of Maura's hand on her knee.

She put her coat on, gathered her stuff and went down to the basement using the stairs, skipping every second step despite the tiredness.

Just like a happy schoolgirl.


	13. LLBFFTST

"Jane, are you  _really_  playing with the popcorn?"

Jane looked down and saw her fingers digging in the bowl and kicking the kernels around, burying them to push them out again. One of the kernels jumped out and landed on her lap. Beating Jo Friday to it, she grabbed it and put it in her mouth, giving Maura her best Garfield impersonation.

"Yum."

Maura peered over her glass of wine, hiding her amused smile.

"You're such a child. So, how did it go today? I mean, with Korsak and Angela."

Jane tossed a kernel in the air, catching it in her mouth.

"Korsak was still convinced I went on a date and I went along with it, so now he doesn't know whether it's true or not." A smug smile set on Jane's face but it faded away, quickly melting into a frown.

"So why are you not happy?" Maura reached over to the remote control and turned the TV off, killing the repetitive post-game discussion.

"Frankie."

"What about Frankie?"

"I- kind of lied to him. He wanted to go to your place to watch the game. I said you were busy and that I had work to do." Jane wiped her fingers and left the bowl on the table after throwing Jo Friday a few kernels to play with.

Maura tilted her head to one side considering the implications of it. Jane had wanted to be alone with her, so much so that she'd even lied to her brother. While not condoning the lie, she felt quite pleased.

She reached out and held Jane's hand, unsure whether she was being just a supportive friend or simply doing what she'd wanted to do all evening.

Jane caressed the slender fingers. The gentle stroking soon became an almost mechanical rubbing, which Maura stopped with a gentle squeeze.

"He  _is_  going to hate me."

"For lying about the game?"

"No. For," Jane lifted their linked hands, "this."

Maura frowned. "Frankie would never…"

Jane lowered her head and shot Maura an incredulous glare.

"Maura, Frankie has wanted to get into your pants for a while, and I told him it was a really,  _really_  bad idea because… because you are family and a friend, and now I go and…" Her voice trailed off, weighed down by the uncertainty of what they were really doing.

"Well, you have not gotten into my pants, Jane. Not  _yet_ , anyway. Besides, I usually wear skirts, which technically it means you'd need to get und _-_."

Jane groaned, covering her face with one hand and lifting the other.

"Oh god Maura. Stop. Stop right there…" The heat in her cheeks was overwhelming.

"Does the idea disgust you?"

"I- well… The expression is a bit… crude."

"Yet you used it freely when referring to Frankie." Maura seemed most entertained.

"It's not the same!" Jane protested feebly.

"You still haven't answered…" Maura shifted, and now was closer to Jane, facing her.

Jane's heart kicked into high gear.

Maura leaned even closer.

"Jane, does the idea of us becoming physically intimate disgust you?"

Jane swallowed hard, wondering how the hell she was perfectly able to face a murderer and keep her cool, but having Maura in her breathing space, talking like that, sent her vitals off the chart every time.  _Female Maura, Best Friend Maura._

"I-"

 _Breathe_ ,  _Jane, breathe._

"I- um…" She wiped the palm of her free hand against her leg.

Maura gently pushed the thick curly hair away, and caressed those wonderful cheekbones.

Jane finally scraped enough air to speak. The words came out through a wince.

"Do I  _really_  need to answer?"

Maura smiled, a slight curve lifting one side of her lips, showing that dimple that Jane had always found so cute.

Without breaking eye contact, Maura bridged the short distance between them.

As she was about to reach Jane's lips, she turned her head slightly. She softly pressed her lips to a cheekbone before moving further down, leaving a feather light trail of kisses. She stopped as she reached the tender skin of Jane's neck.

She stayed there, her lips moving just enough so Jane could feel them, but otherwise still, her eyes closed so she could feel even more intensely Jane's wonderful smell.

Jane went from not finding air in her lungs to near hyperventilation. She leaned back, thoughtless, powerless. Her hand sought support to stop the free fall; it found Maura's hair and held her close against her neck.

They stayed like that for a while, feeling each other's ragged breathing and racing heartbeats.

"No." Jane's whisper startled them both.

Maura moved away so she could see Jane's eyes, unsure whether the "no" meant she had to move away or…

"No?"

Jane bit her lip, running thumb and index fingers along her throbbing brow.

"Not disgusting." The words came stumbling out.

Maura whooped silently.

"I- just don't wanna…  _talk_  about it. It makes me…." Jane puffed a mix of embarrassment and anger at her complete lack of eloquence.

"Jane, you are such a prude." Maura pressed her lips, her eyes laughing.

"Well, I'm thinking of getting a t-shirt." Jane ran her fingers across her chest. "Proud To Be Prude."

Maura laughed, feeling a surge of love she couldn't have stopped if she tried. She took Jane's face in her hands and kissed her, hoping Jane could absorb just a little part of what she was feeling.

Jane did.

When the kiss ended, she looked deep into Maura's eyes, drowning in a feeling she had no idea what to name. Somehow, all she wanted was to caress that flawless face, feel the warmth of skin, and hold her tight.

"Wow... How…?" Jane's mouth stayed open, but no more sounds came out.

"Jane, I require at least a subject and a predicate to understand your question." Maura smiled rejoicing in her newly found sense of humor. She felt taller even sitting down.

"You are really enjoying this, aren't you?" Jane smiled fascinated with this new version of Maura, as if somehow she had shed a layer revealing an even brighter, assured, stronger self.

"Which part, exactly?"

"Stop going all grammar commando on me. I'm supposed to be the one that makes all the snarky comments."

Jane's feigned offense made Maura swell with pride. She lifted her palms up, as if offering a truce.

"Alright. Yes. I am enjoying this. All aspects of it." Maura smiled.

"Okay… and now we have a new kind of weird, one where I need to drag something out of you? Remember I flunked Mind Reading 101 at the academy."

Maura laughed. "I'm not entirely sure you want a full account, given your innate reluctance to discuss feelings."

Jane glare was softened the obvious amusement. "You wound me. Come on. Shoot."

"Alright."

Maura straightened her shoulders, shifted in her seat and took a deep breath.

"I am profoundly enjoying seeing the sweet, caring, loveable, girly Jane that you so hard try to keep hidden behind that," Maura waved her hand. "That armor of bravado and sarcasm. Not that I don't love it too; it's oddly charming. Besides, you wouldn't be you without it."

She paused, smiling, seeing that Jane was wringing her hands but hanging from her every word.

"I am also enjoying intensely this wondrous discovery, the sheer joy of what I feel when I'm with you, and even when I think of you."

A faint line appeared in Jane's forehead. She bit her nail.

"But, don't you feel at least a little bit weird? I mean… we talked about this, joked about it, but never…"

Maura shrugged, as delicately as she always did, and smiled.

"Why would I? How can I feel weird for wanting to be with someone I have come to love profoundly over the years. Someone that makes me feel uniquely special, cared for, loved and wanted. Someone who is intelligent, witty, strong, gentle, selfless, caring, gorgeous."

Maura paused for a beat, her eyes shining, realizing that it was all or nothing.

"I feel more alive than I have ever felt, Jane. I feel more desire I have ever felt for anyone in my life. Should I gasp and give it all up because we're both women? You should know I would never do that. And studies indicate that most successful marriages are between people who had a solid friendship before dating."

Jane had stopped wringing her hands. She was completely still, bar the lip biting, the frequent blinking and an obviously heaving chest.

Maura realized that Jane was fighting tears. A stab of pain pierced her. Had it been too much, too soon?

"I'm sorry, Jane, I shouldn't ha-"

"No." The word was barely more than a whisper, hoarse, broken by emotion. Jane swallowed. Her lips were trembling, so she bit them again.

A single tear broke to the surface.

"I'm an idiot."

Maura didn't know how she had expected Jane to react, but this was not it.

"What on heavens do you mean?"

Jane closed her eyes, forcing herself to let go.

"I'm so angry with myself… I- I have spent this past week, a week that felt like a year, over thinking about everything that could go wrong, fighting it, telling myself that it was wrong, that it was weird, that... Fuck. This…"

She threw her hands up.

"That… stuff you said, I… I feel the same but… I'm so thrown out of balance. It's like… Like I don't know who the hell I am anymore. I don't…" Her hands fell limp on her knees. "I don't even recognize myself, it's like I am, I dunno, 15 years old, all… mushy and nervous and you are my best friend and a woman and… and I have no idea what to do and what if…"

"What if we make love and you realize you actually prefer being with a man?"

Jane looked down, her hands again wrestling with each other, fighting the lump in her throat.

Maura leaned over and kissed Jane in that spot right at the base of the ear, the one that had made her tremble a moment ago. The effect was the same… for both.

Then she held Jane's hand and pressed the palm softly on her left breast. Her heart was beating so fast that she could feel it through Jane's shaking hand.

"Hm." Maura licked her lips. "I think I can safely assume that your fears will not come true, but let's take it as slowly as you need."

Jane bit her lip. Her body was burning with desire, her entire being begged to give Maura those three words that she couldn't stop repeating in her head. But her mouth decided it wasn't ready yet.

"Will you hold me tonight?"

 

*   *   *

 

The first thing Jane saw when opening her eyes was Maura's placid smile. Her first thought was the memory of Maura's confession. A shiver coursed through her, leaving her breathless.

Afraid of waking her up, Jane caressed Maura's hair, barely touching. Her hand moved down, to the naked skin of her shoulder. She traced the contour of her silk sleeping shirt, until her fingers came to rest close to the softly heaving breast.  _So soft, so…_ Unable to stop herself, she let the palm move down until it came to rest on the spot Maura had shown her the night before. She felt the soft roundness of the breast fitting her hand perfectly.

_No. Not disgusting._

Protected by the shy light of the morning and shielded from Maura's eyes, she felt courageous for the first time. Her curiosity was even greater than her desire, which was shockingly huge.

How did Maura really feel? Her hand decided to go and find out for her.

It traced the valley of the breasts, its contours, and then down to the firm muscles of the abdomen. Beyond it laid the ample uphill curve of her hips. She had expected to feel it odd, but it was actually so familiar, so inviting.

Every inch covered brought her closer to Maura and away from her fears.

Now that she had started, she needed more. She needed to feel her skin.

She let her fingers reach the edge of Maura's shirt. With shy, slow movements, she slipped her fingertips below the soft fabric until she felt the heat of naked skin.

Jane let her fingers rest there, feeling the cadence of Maura's breath on them. She closed her eyes, and her fingers came to life, boldly moving up under the shirt until she reached Maura's bra.

"Don't stop." Maura's whispered words startled her; her hand flew out, forehead covered with deep creases.

"I'm sorry, Maur, I don't… I don't know what came over me."

Maura reached and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Don't be. Come here."

Jane shifted until her cheek was cushioned by Maura's breasts, her body wrapped by Maura's arms.

The hands, realizing that they were given permission to wander about a little more, continued exploring outlines, although still keeping certain boundaries out of their path.

"You know, I think I can get used to this." Jane nodded, stating it as cooly as if she had just sat in a new car she didn't expect to be comfortable.

Maura laughed at the off beat comment, and kissed Jane's hair, nuzzling against the soft curls.

"Maur?"

"Hm?"

"So, are we now LLBFFTST?"

Maura pulled back slightly, her eyebrows arched high up.

"LLBFFTST?"

"Yeah. Life Long Best Friends Forever That Sleep Together."

Maura laughed, shaking her head. "Are you sure only 15?"

"Fifteen what?"

"Fifteen years old. It sounds more like 12, the age that young females typically enter puberty, thus discovering their new selves and their new bod-"

Jane drowned the Google mouth with a long kiss, until her phone started to protest in the kitchen.

They groaned in unison.

Five minutes later, Jane stood by the door, her fist resting on her hip.

"Korsak. They lawyer needs to attend an emergency. He wants to meet us in one hour instead."

Maura tried to smile her disappointment away.

"Well, that should give you time to help me with the balloons and decoration."

Jane covered her face and grunted. "Oh no. The party."

Maura shrugged. She loved Frank as a brother, but her mind was not in family party mood. But she knew she would get up, go out, get him a present, help Angela cook and give him the best birthday party she could.

She looked at Jane still pouting by the door.

They had time.

All the time in the world.


	14. Truth

The walls in Donald Walden's office were covered with overflowing bookshelves, which also held a huge array of small objects that must surely have high sentimental value, for they didn't seem expensive.

The limited wall space not stolen by bookshelves was covered with framed snapshots of people, mostly young boys and girls. Jane got closer and saw that both Dorothy and Elizabeth appeared in many of the pictures. They looked radiant and beautiful.

The door opened. Donald Walden was not what Jane had expected. He had no trace of the stiffness that abounded with the Gladworth family, or the elegance that Dorothy had, even when dead.

He seemed like a normal guy, smart but casual, relaxed and down to earth. His jeans were fashionably faded, but they didn't look like designer clothing; the heavy high neck sweater could have been knitted by his grandma – or bought at Etsy.

"Welcome. I'm Donnie. Hope you didn't have to wait too long, I got delayed by…." He pointed his thumb at the door, voice trailing off as he extended his hand to Jane and then Korsak.

The voice seemed too soft and gentle for man over six foot tall and hands as big as a baseball mitt.

Korsak and Jane chose the comfortable looking two-seater. The lawyer let himself fall into a sturdy, comfy looking armchair.

"So, you are here because of the will, aren't you?" His eyes were sunken, a dark shadow under them.

Jane shot a surprised look at Korsak. He seemed as disarmed as she was by his blunt frankness.

Jane turned back to the lawyer, quickly finding her feet again.

"Well, yes, but not only that. We are talking to everyone who was close to her. How well did you know Dorothy?"

He winced, swallowing. His eyes glistened, and he wiped a tear as he cleared his throat.

"I… excuse me. Dottie is… was… the mother I didn't have. She and I go back a long, long time." He cast his eyes down, cleaning invisible specks on his jeans.

Jane arched her eyebrows. He was either a hell of a good actor, or this man was really suffering.

"Would you mind telling us about this… shared history?"

"Let me get you tea first. I'm not good at bullet-point storytelling. And I'm still cold. It's freezing out there." He shrugged with a controlled, short shoulder shake, making Jane think of Maura.

He came back carrying a tray loaded with three small ceramic teapot-cup combos and brown sugar.

"I met Dottie when my parents kicked me out. I was 15. They found me fooling around with my boyfriend in my bedroom. My father gave me a shiner as a farewell gift, and I ended up bouncing between friends' houses until I had nowhere left to stay. One day I met this kid my age, we sort of hooked up, and he took me to this safe house for runaway gay kids. It wasn't much, but Dottie kept it funded well enough to keep the shelter going and support all twelve of us. I stayed there for," he shrugged, lost in thought. "For about three years, until I finished high school."

He took a white hankie from his back pocket, blew his nose quietly and took a sip from his cup.

"By then, Dottie and I… she somehow took a liking to me. I guess it was because I liked studying, I was polite and… I don't know. Thing is, she took me out to museums and the movies. We spent hours and hours discussing books – well, she talked about them, and," he smiled sadly. "She made me fall in love with the smell of books and the wonders of reading, like there was a whole new world out there that was so different from my small town. Anyway, it was then when I met Eli."

"Elizabeth Benson?" Jane took her notepad out and scribbled a few notes.

Donnie nodded, his face lighting up. "Yeah. She was the most loveable, sweetest woman ever, and Dottie adored her. She introduced her as her best friend, the one who would be there for us if she couldn't. Anyway, Dottie was  _always_  there for us, although Eli came over all the time, and went out with us as often as she could."

He took another sip, and gently wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

"Funny, but Dottie never took me to her house. I didn't even know where she lived. I got upset once, and told her that she was embarrassed of this little fag." He shook his head, lips stretched by the way of a smile. "First and last time I ever saw her angry."

He shrugged. "She explained that her husband didn't like strangers in the house, and that she was much happier in the shelter, with us, anyway."

Donnie left the cup on the small table between them.

"So, time went by. I finished high school with really good marks, and got accepted at BU, Boston University." He waved his hand as he felt necessary to clarify what BU was. "I thought I had received a full grant, but it turned out that it was only a partial one. Dottie, covered the rest. I used the grant money to eat and buy a few clothes and books, but she took care of everything else."

He tapped on his thighs, his eyes unfocused as if reliving happy memories.

"Of course, I did nothing else but study. I wanted to be the best lawyer ever. Make her proud, and help her run the shelter. I wanted to help other kids like me."

He lifted his head, chest swelling, and looked around, proudly.

"I think I did. She was very proud and happy."

His smiled faded, lined burrowing his forehead.

"I just… couldn't help  _her._ "

Jane swallowed a lump that she discovered lodged in her throat, repressing the odd urge to get up and comfort the soft bear of a man fighting tears.

"We know the cause of her death, but we need to find out why, and  _who_  did this to her. Do you… have any idea who could have wanted them dead?"

He scoffed tiredly. "So, you don't think I had them both killed so I could profit from the money left for Safe Haven?"

"We don't accuse, Mr Walden. That's the D.A.'s job. We investigate."

He nodded. "Sorry, I'm… I'm so angry that I… not your fault. Excuse my outburst." He took a deep breath. "I've spent the last week not sleeping, trying to find out who could have done such a thing, but also why… it doesn't make any sense. Eli was not well, and Dottie…"

"Terminal cancer."

His brow tensed and nodded.

"I came to the conclusion that the funds were the only plausible explanation. I would have accused myself, only I know I didn't do it."

He looked around the room.

"It's not much, but we have enough donors to get by. Safe Haven was Dottie and Eli's way of leaving a legacy behind. Money never brought them, or me, happiness. We keep things small enough to make the kids feel safe, but big enough to take in every homeless gay kid we can find. But… the money… I'd give it all, and more, to have them back."

He lifted his eyes and held Jane's firmly.

"Dottie and Eli were my family, my mothers." He sighed. "But I'm still responsible for the kids; it is only because of them that I manage to keep on going."

Jane realized she was trembling.

"What else can you tell us about Dorothy and Elizabeth?"

"They were the most amazing couple I've ever met,"

Jane gasped.

"With the shittiest life ever. I wish someone could have done for them what they did for others. The Gladworth are the most unpleasant, snobbish and backwards people ever."

The pained eyes turned into a glare directed at no one in the room.

"Their families did everything they could to keep them apart. They didn't manage to completely ruin their lives, because they couldn't keep them away from this," He raised his palms up. "This, their charity work, but otherwise…" A warm flush melted his face. "They were so happy together, working together. They were so in tune with each other. Dottie was the cheeky, outgoing one. Eli was always blushing but she was the real strong one of the two. Eli was like a walking encyclopedia. She inspired me to become an advocate. She had started studying law, but had to give it up when her family made her marry that asshole of a husband."

Jane chewed her lips, and pressed her hands under her legs.

"Anyway, when their husbands died, we all thought they'd eventually get to live together as they had been dreaming of for years but…" Donnie shook his head. "Their families managed to put a stop to that too. I don't know how they managed. I guess they both had grown too old and tired to keep on fighting."

He smiled sadly. "I guess they are together now, forever. And we have Safe Haven to make their work, their lives, and their love mean something."

He looked up and shook his head, as if coming back from the world of his memories.

"I'm sorry. How un-lawyer like of me. I must be boring you with all of this." He shifted in his seat, trying to regain a bit of expected dignity.

Jane shook her head. "We are very sorry for your loss. You really are helping us." She felt like they were finally getting the break in the case they needed. But it still didn't completely clear the lawyer, or find a motive, nor the killer.

The thought of Donnie turning out to be the killer depressed her. He seemed genuinely devastated, and the entire story was just so overwhelmingly sad.

She thought of Maura and her insides twisted with a whirlwind of emotions that took all her strength to keep in check.

Korsak came through for her again.

"Where were you last Saturday, between 5 and 10 am?"

Donnie shook his head. "Um… I had a call around 6 am, I went out at... let me check exactly." He got up and went to his desk. There he checked his diary, tapping on it when he found what he was looking for.

"Yes. I got to the hospital at 6:45. I was with Jimmy, one of our volunteers. He had found a gay kid unconscious after a beating."

Jane winced while Korsak took notes.

"So, why do you think anyone would have wanted them dead?"

"Like I said, they were amazing women. I can't figure out what kind of sick bastard would want to kill two old, sick ladies. I don't know. I keep thinking that it could have been motivated by hatred from a homophobic parent, but we don't really have contact with our kids' families."

Jane and Korsak crossed glances. They had a lot of work to do.

Jane sat in her car outside Maura's house. She had kept her emotions at bay for the entire interview and the drive back, but now they were flooding out. She propped an elbow on the window and pushed her fingers against her forehead, rubbing it while covering her eyes.

Donnie's account of Dorothy and Elizabeth's relationship felt as if he had been describing Maura and her instead, except that she had allowed herself to be tied down by fear and doubt.

Dorothy and Elizabeth would have given everything to be in her place, completely free to explore and live these new feelings with the support of their families.

Jane's thoughts shifted to her own extended family. They would never, ever do that to Maura or her. Constance was a snob, but quite open-minded. Hope and Cailin certainly wouldn't reject them. Her Ma would bitch about the grandchildren but adored Maura. And Frankie… He would never hate her. He just didn't have it in him.

Their families wouldn't mind if they got together as a couple.

"I guess they are together now, forever. _"_ Donnie's words burst like a flare in the night.

_I am an idiot._

At that very second, she knew what she had to do.

She crossed the street in a few strides, opened the door and blasted into the kitchen. Maura and Angela looked at her disconcerted.

"Maura, we need to talk. Upstairs. Now."

Angela and Maura looked at each other and shrugged.

As they got inside Maura's bedroom, Jane closed the door and locked it. In one motion, she turned around and kissed Maura, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

When she broke the contact, Maura leaned back, her mouth open.

Jane took a deep breath.

"Maura Isles. I love you. I am in love in you. That's it."

Maura felt her knees give way.

Jane held her, proudly, happier than she had ever been in her life. It felt better than catching every single killer in Boston, than stopping every murder.

"What? What happened?" Maura whispered out of breath.

Jane kissed her again, softly, her lips, her cheek, her hair.

"I'm an idiot, and I'm making up for it."

Jane held Maura's shaking hands and smiled, mesmerizing her.

"Come on, let's go back. We have a party to prepare for."

Jane gave herself a smug grin and unlocked the door.

As they returned to the kitchen, Angela followed them with her eyes. They looked odd, smiling at each other as if they had a big surprise prepared.

Other than that, nothing was different. The jokes, the teasing, Maura's complaining about Jane making a mess, Jane's complaining that Maura forgot that this was a birthday dinner for an adult.

Everything seemed normal.

But something was different and Angela couldn't quite put her finger on it. She carried on preparing the cannoli determined to find out.

A while later, Tommy, Lydia and little TJ came in, and Maura's neat, quiet, elegant dinner party became a raucous gathering. Korsak joined in a while later.

TJ had already begun to make his first real steps. Jane and Tommy were on the floor encouraging him. When TJ reached Jane's arms, she lifted him up and gave Tommy a smug grin.

"That's my boy. Come with Auntie Jane, the best auntie in the whole entire world."

Maura stopped stacking up plates and looked at the scene, falling in love with Jane all over again.

Angela saw her, and frowned.

Korsak came over and stood next Maura.

"Mind if I refill my beer?" He lifted the empty one in his hand.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. How inconsiderate of me to leave you dry." She winked at him.

As she gave Korsak a full bottle, she got closer and whispered.

"So, what happened with the lawyer?"

He puffed and shook his head. "Terrible. Poor ladies. It turns out they were a couple and…" He told Maura the key points of the story.

Maura looked at Jane, finally understanding.

It was unexpectedly fitting that their love had found its way thanks to two deaths.

Angela barged in, upset she had missed out in that very interesting looking conversation.

"It's 7 pm and Frankie will be here any minute. We should...?" She pointed at the other side of the room.

Maura nodded and finished clearing up the kitchen island.

Angela clapped her hands.

"Come on people, let's get ready. Frankie should be coming any second now."

They all stood in the dark, standing out of view, giggling like teenagers.

Maura stood behind Jane and discreetly caressed her back, making Jane stiffen. Turning her head slightly over her shoulder she gave Maura a mocking glare that sent a shiver running down her spine.

TJ started to cry and Jane, desperate for something to do with her hands that didn't involve Maura, rocked him in her arms whilst smiling and making funny faces.

Maura smiled at them, completely unaware of Angela's stare.

A few minutes later, the bell rang and the door opened. "Hello? Anyone home?" Frankie asked.

Lights and cheers came on at the same time.

"Happy Birthday!"

While Frankie finished greeting everyone, Jane came over to Maura slipping her hand around her waist, and leaned in. Maura shivered again, smiling as if nothing unusual had happened.

"So, did you get him a present?"

Angela saw the gesture from the corner of her eye, and pursed her lips.

"Oh, I bought him that jacket that he said he had liked. Let's hope it fits, he seems small but he is well built."

Jane winced. "Maura... god…"

Maura arched her eyebrows, "What? I have hugged your brother many times." Then her lips formed a small O.

"Jane…" She smiled shaking her head.

"What? Fine. You're right. You see? I told you I was an idiot."

They stood staring at each other, smiling, for a brief second forgetting they were in the midst of an Italian birthday party.

"Come on people, food is ready." Angela gathered everyone, her eyes still trained on Jane and Maura.

Dinner went on as usual, everyone talking at the same time, and yet Jane felt relaxed for the first time in years. After almost two hours, with the table depleted of food and drink, Angela stood and began to clear up. Maura stopped her, her hand softly touching Angela's arm.

"Don't worry, Jane and I will do that in the morning."

Jane heard "Jane and I " and "in the morning", and pressed her lips tight, afraid that everyone would hear her thumping heart.

Angela protested. "Okay, but at least let me clean the leftovers. It'll be a minute."

As Tommy was about to leave, Jane kissed a sleeping TJ softly. He smiled.

"I'll be damned. You are  _good_  with kids."

"What do you mean," Her lip curled, but she was actually quite pleased. "Of  _course_  I am good with kids. I'm the best with kids  _and_  murderers."

Angela left the dishes neatly piled up and wiped her hands. "Okay, I better be off then. Are you sure I…"

Maura smiled, shaking her head.

"Go and rest, we'll take care of it. Thanks for the wonderful meal; exquisite, as always."

Angela smiled, unable to resist Maura's charm. She gave her a big hug.

Jane saw her Ma turning to her and raised her palms up. "Uh, no hugging Ma. But great cannoli! You're the best." Angela leaned in and gave her daughter a quick peck on the cheek.

"Ma…" She groaned, but gave Angela a small, warm squeeze on her arm.

As soon as Angela left, Maura turned the safety lock on the back door.

Turning slowly, darkened eyes locked on Jane.

"We need to talk. Upstairs. Now".


	15. Beds and Closets

Jane followed Maura upstairs, her palms sweating and heart marching faster than her feet, convinced she had somehow managed to fuck it all up again.

Maura waited until Jane had walked in, then closed the door and leaned against it.

"Jane, I am  _not_  comfortable with the term LBFFL-."

"It is LLBFFS… Wait, what? Is that all that you have to say?"

Maura's face remained deadpan as she crossed the room towards Jane.

"Yes, that is all I have to say _._ "

Before Jane could react, Maura's lips were covering her own. Jane surrendered, her brain unable to catch up with a body that had awoken only to be forced on a leash, until now.

"Do you want me to stop?" Maura's voice was husky against Jane's warm breath, her hands warm under Jane's shirt.

Jane shook her head.

She gasped when Maura unclasped her bra, forgetting that words, names, thoughts, or time even existed.

A new lifetime later, Jane found herself nestled in Maura's arms, shaking with uncontrollable deep but quiet spams that did not relent. She closed her eyes, focusing on the strong but calming heartbeat under her cheek, and sighed.

Maura kissed her forehead, caressing her tenderly.

"Are you okay?"

Jane bit her lip. Saying 'yes' would have been the biggest understatement of her life and yet not entirely true. The shock of having Maura naked in her arms, of seeing so much desire in her eyes, had been temporarily swept away by an overwhelming feeling of utter closeness and unknown pleasure.

But now the heat of passion had relented and she started to grasp what they had just done.

The feeling of weirdness clashed with the post-orgasmic bliss and the feeling of deep love she felt just by feeling Maura's heartbeat against her cheek.

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Jane?" Maura's voice was soft, deep.

Their eyes met. A veil of worry tinted Maura's gaze.

"I'm… god, Maura, I'm…"

Maura gently lifted her chin towards her.

"Jane, it's okay." Maura whispered, her eyes now full of love and tenderness.

Jane gasped. Yes, it was Maura, and yes, they were naked in bed and they had just made love, and it was weird, but it was awesome. It was…

"Wow. It was… god I feel so… How did you know what to…?"

Maura arched her eyebrows, lips stretched in a knowing smile.

Jane's mind replayed her fumbling earlier, desperate to make Maura feel good, and felt her face burn with embarrassment, conscious of the topics and years of study Maura had invested to get where she was.

She groaned. "I'm such a klutz…"

"You are not a klutz."

"But I… and you didn't…"

"I did." Maura's lips curved upwards, a raised eyebrow framing amused and loving hazel green eyes.

"How? I… when? You see? I'm a klutz, I'm-"

Maura shut Jane up with a soft kiss, loving her with her lips like she had done on the breakwater, and the day after and Jane lost her chain of thought again.

When she came around, much later, she saw that the clock marked 11:45 am.

"Maura…"

"Hm…" The mellow voice whispered next to her ear.

"It's almost noon."

Maura snugged even closer. "Are you on call?"

"I'm not, but my stomach is. We should do something about it before it starts going all origami on me."

Maura laughed. "Borborygmi."

"That too." Jane said, but did not move a muscle.

Maura caressed Jane's back, sending shivers down her spine.

"Oh god Maur, what are you doing to me? Come on, you have to admit that this is weird."

Maura kissed her tenderly, fingers running along Jane's arm from her shoulder to her hand, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Then she brought Jane's fingers to her lips, teasing them lightly with the tip of her tongue.

"Does this feel weird _?"_  Maura smiled from behind Jane's fingers.

Jane smirked. "Oh, you're evil. And  _that_  hmm... is so good. Good  _and_  weird to see the Chief Medical Examiner, my best friend, doing that… and doing it to  _me_. Who are you, and what have you done with Maura? Look at you, all sexy and..."

"I woke Dr. Isles up."

"Just like that? From one day to the next? Last week we would have laughed if someone told us that we would be… you know…"

"It is called 'making love', Jane. It is okay to say it. It is a perfectly normal occurrence between two people who feel what we do for each other. Are you having regrets, or just being your usual prudish self?" The grin didn't quite hide a shadow of insecurity in Maura's eyes.

"No regrets… but I'm still Ol' Prude Jane."

She rubbed her eyes. "I'm supposed to be a good detective. How could I not see the signs? It's…" Jane's voice faded, as her eyes grew wide.

"Damn."

"What?"

"Dorothy and Elizabeth. I'm looking at it all wrong, I- the signs… were there… Oh god." Jane leaned back, covering her face.

"Jane, talk to me." Maura didn't know whether to be concerned or disconcerted.

Jane sat up in bed, forgetting to cover her breasts. "I've been so blind with what happened to Vania, and then us. I screwed up. These murders… I was as blind to what happened to them, as I've been blind to what was going on with us. Like I have this... massive blind spot when it comes to this, apparently. "I need to tell Korsak." Jane reached out for her phone.

"Tell him what, Jane?" Maura smiled, amused to see her friend forgetting to be prude, and stared like she hadn't seen her in a long while.

Jane shifted, facing Maura.

"You know I was convinced this was all about the money? Well, it turns out that-"

"That they were a couple? I know, Vince told me about your meeting."

"Oh, right. Well, thing is, there is something Donnie, the lawyer, said about them finally being together. What if this is not about money or revenge from a homophobic parent or a random psycho doing his shit. They were both sick, forced to be apart. They did it to themselves."

"An assisted suicide?"

Jane nodded. "They looked happy, but remember that both of us felt sad. We could feel there was something almost… tragic about it all, and now we know what. It makes sense, not wanting to end their days apart from one another, Dottie dying in pain while Eli couldn't even remember her. I would do it."

Maura frowned, her heart beating hard.

"You would do what, Jane?"

"If I were them, I would do it. I," Jane's eyes found Maura's. "I wouldn't want to live my life feeling the pain of seeing you hurt, dying, not been able to help you and then wasting away, forgetting you."

Maura bit her lip hard but she couldn't stop her eyes welling up, or a single tear falling down.

"Oh god Maur, I'm sorry, I…"

The embrace was raw, hard.

"I love you, I love you, I love you… " Jane kept whispering while caressing the long blond tresses.

Right then, Jane's stomach rumbled, and they both started laughing.

"Guess my stomach gave me the mush alert this time." Jane grinned.

"I love you so much, you know?" Maura traced the high cheekbones with her fingers.

Jane smiled mushily, something she thought she was incapable of, and blushed, lost in those eyes that had become her rock, her single most powerful point of strength.

"I will get used to this, I know. I'm just an ass; a stubborn ass who needs time to relearn things. New tricks, old dog, you know…"

"I know. So are you going to call Korsak?"

"I should, I want to, but… hmm…" Jane leaned over and kissed Maura's neck, letting her hands roam on her chest.

"I'll be here. Go."

"No. I want to stay with you. Discussing a murder investigation naked in bed with my girlfriend is something I have to see through."

"Girlfriend?" Maura gasped, her eyes welling up again..

"Better than LLBFwhatever, right?"

Jane's stomach rumbled again and Maura pointed with her eyes to Jane's stomach, smiling with so much joy she felt she was actually soaring.

An hour later, Maura was preparing something to eat while Jane sat at the kitchen island, sipping on a beer, wearing a towel on her head and one of Maura's bathrobes.

"Are you ever going to stop eyeing me?" Maura grinned over her shoulder, relishing in the ever-increasing feeling of bliss.

"It's like… like I have never really seen you before now."

"Is that a good thing?"

Jane nodded, smiling with her eyes while pressing her lips, holding the sip of beer.

"It is. It is… great."

Her phone rang. Jane picked it up anxiously. It was Korsak.  _Let it not be a murder…_

When the call was over, Jane raised her eyebrows.

"He also thinks it was assisted suicide. He wants us to talk to the elder grandson, and to the nurse again. God, he even apologized for been so slow."

Jane sighed. "I feel like crap. He's still struggling over Vania, he said. I didn't even think of asking him how he was doing. And… what is this? National Weird Week? I've never thought I'd hear Korsak talking feelings on the phone."

Maura nodded. "Of course, it's natural. It's been only two weeks."

"Still… I should have… God, I've been such an idiot, so blind."

"You're not the only blind one, it seems. And I don't mean Korsak. It seems that nobody, except your mother, noticed anything about us."

Jane frowned. "Didn't they, or did we not notice  _them_?

"Your mom did notice us, I'm certain. She spent the entire evening watching us."

"You think she knows?"

Maura shrugged. "She knows something is going on."

"Argh. She can be so nosy."

"She's a mother, Jane."

"She is still nosy. Wait until she finds out."

"Are you going to tell her?"

Jane looked down and took another sip of her beer. "What do you think I should do?"

"We should tell her, otherwise she'll feel you do not trust her enough to confide in her something so important. Still, this is so new… Why don't you wait until you yourself get used to the idea completely?" Maura's voice was calm, but Jane could see a trace of sadness in her eyes.

Jane extended her hand, palm up. "Come here."

Maura turned the stove off and walked up to Jane. She let Jane gently move the hair out of her face and kiss her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, her lips.

"I don't want you to be upset because of me. Ever. I may be a very good detective, but I'm a mess when it comes to feelings. You keep saying that you're not good with live people, but I think you're way better than me. I'm so… so impressed by how you're handling things. How you are handling  _me."_

"You're going to make me cry…"

A knock on the backdoor put a stop to that.

"Guess the feelings police wants in." Jane rolled her eyes. "She can hear us, we better open the door."

"Go upstairs and change. I'll talk to her."

"Nah. This is it. I will tell her."

"Are you sure?"

Jane nodded. "If I say it aloud, it'll become more real, and I can stop this confusion crap that is really irritating the hell out of me."

Jane held Maura's hands and kissed her before she could chide her for bad language.

"I love you, Maur. It may be new, but I know is true." She lifted Maura's hands and kissed them. "Weird, but true. And I think I've just filled the Mush Quota for the entire year."

Angela came in carrying a covered round tray.

"I couldn't sleep last night so I baked a carrot cake. The frosting is not my best ever but it tastes good."

Jane sat on the couch and took the hair towel off. She tried to tame her hair with her fingers, then tapped on the space next to her.

"Come on, Ma. Sit with me. We need to talk."

Angela looked at both of them, hesitated for a second, and then joined Jane.

"Ma, I want to apologize. I've been… I had… stuff going on. I did avoid you, but you know I love you. I just-"

"I know, honey. I also want to apologize. I can't help myself, but you're my child, and I love you and I… " She touched the tip of her nose with her finger. "I sense things, and get very frustrated when you lock me out."

Jane looked up a Maura, pleading eyes finding a reassuring smile.

"I want to tell you what's going on, but I have no idea how you are going to take it."

"You know you can tell me anything, Janey. Should I be worried?"

"Nah. You should be happy." Jane took a deep breath and looked again for Maura's smile.

"Thing is, it's something nice. More than nice; it's something great, and weird, and wonderful. You know like… you're always worried that I'll be alone, that I just can't seem to find anyone and keep them?"

Angela's eyebrows shot up and looked for Maura, but she was standing behind her, in Jane's direct line of view, supporting her.

"It seems I have found someone. Actually, they found me. We found each other. Whatever. It just… happened."

Angela's face showed a conflicting tug between happiness and confusion.

"So, who is this guy? Do I know him?"

Jane looked up. "That's the thing… You do… It's someone beautiful and kind and smart… so smart that she told me I should wait to tell you until I'm sure of it. And you know, it's been a really weird week. Just one week. But I'm already sure. Terrified, but certain."

"Jane, I'm not following you.  _She_  told you?"

Jane looked at Maura and, with a little gesture of her head, asked her to come closer.

Maura moved past Angela and sat on the armrest of the couch, next to Jane. She shivered with pride and happiness when Jane put her arm over her legs.

Angela's frown deepened, her eyes squinting.

"Ma… It's Maura."

"It's Maura what, honey? I don't…" Angela's eyebrows raised, her mouth opened but no sound came out. She covered her mouth, eyes racing between their faces.

She laughed. "Oh, funny! Jane, you almost got me there…"

Her laughter died when she saw neither of them was laughing, their hands linked, gently caressing each other.

"I  _knew_  it. I knew you were hiding something but… It can't be… You're not… You don't like girls… Maura, do  _you_? And… After all these years? It doesn't make any sense…"

Maura put her free hand on Jane's back. Somehow she had hoped that Angela would hug them both, and be happy. She realized that it wasn't that Angela wasn't  _happy_ ; she was just showing all the classic symptoms of mild shock.

"I know, Ma. Told you, it  _is_ weird, but…" Jane looked up at Maura. "I guess there was always something special between us and, just like you, neither of us had a clue. We didn't see it coming either, it just… happened."

"What… happened?" Angela's voice was a thin thread of sound, struggling as it came out.

"We realized that we… we love each other like... more than just friendly love, Ma. But once you get past the weirdness, it's… amazing, it just…" Maura caressed Jane's back. "Just right. It feels right."

Angela shook her head and rubbed her forehead.

"I'm… sorry, I- I need…." She rubbed her palms on her skirt, not looking at either of them.

"It's okay Ma. I understand. I really do."

Maura's hand kept circling Jane's back, realizing that while Jane truly understood Angela, it had to be hard, very hard.

"Ma?"

Angela lifted her head and met Jane's eyes briefly.

"Take your time, Ma. Just… remember I am really, really happy. Scared, still getting used to the idea, but really happy…"

Maura ran her arm around Jane's shoulder. "We are, Angela. This is a blessing…"

Angela looked away and stood up, unsure what to do, her eyes not making contact with either of them.

"Well, I guess I won't be coming in unannounced from now on…"

Jane got up and took a step forward towards her Ma. She tilted her head and smiled.

"As long as you keep coming, especially with yummy cakes and stuff…"

Angela smiled, relaxing but still visibly shocked. Slowly, her eyes shifted up until she met Jane's.

"I will, and I love you. I-" She shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "I guess that I also need to get used to the idea, but I'm happy you are happy."

She left, not looking at Maura, and not asking for or offering a hug.

"Are you alright?" Maura gently kissed Jane's hand, keeping it close to her chest.

Jane nodded. "Yeah. I can understand … It wasn't that bad, was it? Are  _you_  alright? She kind of… ignored you…"

Maura smiled. "I'm fine, and her reaction was to be expected. Give her time; she'll come around and you'll soon start complaining that she is on your case again. Come, let's eat, I have plans for later."

Jane raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Oh, you do, do you?"


	16. Korsak

"Oh, call me Detective Snow White; waking up with a kiss and all." Jane grinned, her eyes closed and barely awake.

Maura laughed gently. "You can't stop yourself, even when half asleep, can you?"

"Hmm… no. And I am not awake. Kiss me again see if it works this time."

"One kiss, then we need to get up. You are meeting Korsak in less than one hour."

Jane groaned. "Oh come on, Maur. It's nice in here. So warm..." She snuggled up to Maura, her hands roaming idly over Maura's naked body, her lips unsuccessfully trying to get enough of Maura to last her the whole day.

Maura struggled not to let herself go, fascinated with how little contact she needed with Jane to be fully aroused.

"Jane…"

Jane lifted her hands from under the covers.

"Okay, okay. I'll behave."

Showering, getting dressed, and having a quick breakfast were all steps of an almost unconscious routine that made it all seemed normal, almost like any other day. The comfort, the closeness, and Maura's joyful mood soothed Jane, blowing away the feeling of weirdness that had been haunting her on and off for a week and hitting her when she least expected.

Jane sat on a tall chair, sipping on her coffee, following Maura's every move.

Maura shifted in her seat, leaving her toast on the plate. "You should stop doing that. I can't concentrate."

"Maura, since when do you need concentration to have breakfast?"

The doctor shrugged that little shrug of hers, and flushed lightly. "I'm not used to having so much attention on my person."

"Did you notice that you don't lift your pinkie when drinking from a mug, but you do when picking a piece of toast?"

The flush became a shiver, and Maura smiled coyly.

Jane arched an eyebrow. "What? You're not gonna tell me it is due to a reaction of the something-or-other muscles exerting extra pressure to compensate for the heavier composition of the mug?"

"Oh. Actually, you are not that far off. It's-"

"Maura, come on, I'm messing with you. Come here."

Maura marveled at how a voice that she was so familiar with had become a trigger, making her hormones race. It was now clear why husky female voices were so appealingly sexy to a large number of people.

Jane gently caressed Maura's face, in awe at the uncanny level of innocence in a face that hours ago was raw with desire – just as beautiful now as then.

She touched her lips to Maura's, infusing it with the love that now refused to go back into any box.

"Jane… We should really not… Hmm… Must…"

"Yeah, yeah." The voice sounded deflated.

Maura frowned. "Are you alright?"

Jane nodded, her lips stretching but her eyes were not smiling.

"Do you want to come to my place tonight?" Jane said, shifting in her seat.

"Well, yes, we can, but why don't we discuss that in the car?"

"I'm taking my own car to work."

"Why? You don't need it, you have a car there." Maura smiled, still unaware of Jane's train of thought.

"Yes, of course, but… I don't know. What if they see us coming together?"

Maura frowned, confused. "What? But we often go to work to-" She pursed her lips, realizing what was going on.

"Oh Jane…"

"What? BPD is  _full_  of detectives. If I look like you do…"

Maura looked for a something that would show her reflection.

"No, Maura. There's nothing wrong with your face. The complete opposite, I'd say..."

"Oh. You mean that my face has a post-coital, in love glow?" Her voice was edgy, almost sarcastic.

Jane winced. "Why do you need to be so… graphic? But yeah… Breathtakingly beautiful in  _that_  way…" She realized she was not making things better.

"Jane, you should know I do  _not_  care what others think."

"Maura, I- oh god, I don't want to fight with you, but… "

"But you do care what  _they_  might say, and you think that they will automatically think that my glow is because of you? Isn't that somewhat narcissistic on your part?" Maura felt 5 years old again, when a boy had burst the big ballon she had just won at a fair.

"What? No! It's not that! I-"

"Take your car, Jane. I will see you later. I'm running late."

"Maur… Come on…"

Maura got up and left, leaving Jane completey stunned, realizing that she earned an A+ in the Dumb Ass 101 course.

Maura put her car in drive mode and took her usual route to the BPD, but after the first traffic light she had to park for she couldn't see the road clearly. She wiped the tears that surely had smudged her makeup. Her hand moved towards the sun visor, but ended up covering her eyes.

The fall from bliss had been quite violent, and it had happened due to something she should have seen coming. Her extremely out of character outburst of anger had been unwarranted and uncalled for. The shame and frustration brought new tears to the surface.

She should have expected Jane to be on edge where work was concerned; she had simply let her guard down, especially after Jane's confession to Angela. It had been completely insensitive from her part not to remember how hard Jane had worked over the years not to become the center of attention for being a female, and avoid any rumors.

From what she now considered a careless point of view, Maura was still convinced that arriving in the same car would not draw suspicions, even if they both looked dreamy or glowing. After five years they had both gone through the entire spectrum of emotions and Jane had managed to hide most of them well enough – at least to her outer circle.

Maybe they had never arrived both at the same time looking like that, but still, it was a long shot to assume that it was because they had made love with each other. If they had not awoken any suspicions from Angela, how could anyone else notice? Why would anyone care this time?

Maura understood that this was a futile cold analysis of the situation, and she was not approaching the issue from the right angle. This was not about  _them_ , the faceless mass of gossiping co-workers. It was about Jane and her own inner demons.

The word "awkward" sprang to mind; Jane had used it so many times the day before. Jane had promised to try to overcome it, but Jane also told her that it was going to take time. Her feeling of awkwardness combined with her workplace made a now obvious combustive combination.

Gasping, Maura realized that Angela got there earlier than they did, and she was both transparent and incapable of keeping a secret. There was a possibility that Frankie, at least, knew about them as well.

She strangled the steering wheel, releasing the frustration of feeling utterly unable to empathize.

Taking a deep, controlled breath, she decided that she had a whole day ahead to try and reach out, apologize, and actually behave like the best friend she was supposed to be. The main problem was that they would both be at the station until late, and Jane may actually be right in her assessment; BPD was not the best place to bring this up, or even risk a scene.

She decided she would invite Jane out for lunch, but she needed to start corrective actions immediately.

Taking her phone out, she typed a message and hit "Send".

 

*    *    *

 

Jane had not been able to stop trembling since she left Maura's, and now she had to focus and get her shit together. She had acted like an ass back at Maura's, but she also had failed as a detective. In her book, all of it classified as Major Screw Up, and the only thing she knew how to fix was the case, although her guts and heart begged her to rush downstairs and ask Maura to forgive her.

Korsak intercepted her at the entrance hall, greeting her with a soft smile.

"G'Morning, Jane. Phil Gladworth, his lawyer, and son will be here in an hour. I was going out to get some proper coffee and a donut. Walk with me?"

"Walk? Did you get a new life coach?" Jane felt good, safe behind her armor.

"Very funny." He pointed at Division One Café with his thumb. "There's a crowd in there, and I've been here for hours. I've earned a good breakfast."

Jane looked towards the café. Angela looked really busy but in a good mood, and a wave of relief washed over her. She needed the coffee, but she also needed to work out her foul mood and embarrassment before going down to see Maura.

Jane had not realized that it was a gorgeous sunny day until she started walking with Korsak. Neither said a word; it was supposed to be a comfortable silence but she noticed Korsak glancing at her every now and then. Before she could ask him why, they reached the busy coffee shop. There was a queue but it moved much faster than the one at Division One Café.

Armed with a donut and a steaming cup of coffee each, they paid and Jane headed for the door.

"Jane, hold on. Sit with me for a minute." Korsak was standing by a table that had just become available.

Jane hesitated; she really wanted to see Maura before Gladworth and company arrived, but understood that whatever Korsak had in mind could not wait.

"Wanted to thank you for yesterday." Korsak said casually.

"We're cool, Vince. I should apologize for… well… not being there for you."

He shook his head, smiling, but his eyes were deep.

"Jane, you know I have your back, no matter what, right?"

Jane frowned, wondering where this was heading, and nodded.

"Right… Uh… What's really up, Vince?"

He took a sip of his coffee and slowly wiped his already clean moustache with a finger.

"Not sure how to... go about this. You know I would never interfere in your personal life, unless I think it's important."

Jane tensed up, her heart hammering.

At that moment her phone beeped and she instinctively looked at it; it was a message from Maura. Jane wondered whether it was divine intervention or deserved punishment. She felt a wave of heat rising, and prayed Korsak had suddenly gone blind.

"Sorry, Vince, give me a sec."

She opened the message.

_I'm so, so sorry, Jane. I was very insensitive. Please don't be angry with me. I love you._

The heat increased and Jane felt dizzy. She closed the message, stunned. She had been an ass, again, and Maura was apologizing. A lump grew in her throat, she swallowed and sighed, oblivious for a few seconds that she was sitting in front of Korsak.

When he came into focus, his face was gentle, caring. It disarmed her.

"It's-" Jane whispered apologetically, wanting to get up and disappear.

Korsak raised a palm and shook his head, his eyes holding hers. He pointed at the phone with his chin.

"It was Maura, wasn't it?"

Jane startled, her mouth drying up almost instantly.

"How… How did you know?"

"I've been a detective since you were in grade school, Jane." He nodded towards the phone. "That is what I wanted to ask you, or tell you, or…."

Jane lowered her gaze, disconcerted. Her usual reaction would be to scoff, shake the comment off with a sarcastic comeback, but between the message and the unexpected intervention, she froze.

After a few beats she nodded. "So, what are you saying?"

"You just confirmed my suspicions."

Jane saw through her eyelashes his big smile, almost as if he was proud not of his sagacity, but of her. She looked sideways. When she saw no one she knew, she spoke again, lowering her voice.

"Korsak, what are you trying to say?"

"I've known you for longer than I can remember and I have never, ever seen you like this... So.. what's the word... Overjoyed? Anyway. It makes me really happy for you. For  _both_  of you."

Jane's mouth fell open, blushing furiously and hating herself for being so transparent.

"Don't worry, it is not  _that_  obvious, but you can't hide it forever. For a while I thought that you two… you know. But then you both had so many boyfriends, so I thought I had read it all wrong." He scoffed. "Four wives and I still don't know how women think. But you… with you it's different. Somehow I think that the Jane I know would do anything, even stupid things, to avoid this getting out in the open at work, so no one would talk about you."

Jane stared at Korsak, unsure whether she was feeling a surge of love for her old partner and friend or mortal embarrassment.

"And  _that_  is why I said I had your back." He smiled softly, almost like a gentle, proud, caring father. "You need to fight for this, Jane. To hell with everyone."

Jane waited for Korsak to continue but he didn't. Instead, he took a big bite of his donut and smiled while chewing. She felt the lump push up. Badass Rizzoli felt like crying out of gratitude, of love, but she didn't. She simply put her hand over his and squeezed it briefly.

"Well. I have to say.. This was... unexpected. You are getting too soft in your old age, Korsak."

"That too. Come on, we should be getting back now."

Jane smiled and shook her head. If she were a hugger, she would have wrapped her arms around him. Instead, she punched him lightly on the shoulder as she walked past him.

When they got to the station she still had more than ten minutes before the Gladworth troupe arrived. Before she could make a conscious decision, she found herself already skipping every second step on the stairway down to the morgue, Korsak's encouraging words echoing loud in her head.

She opened the entrance door to the morgue and wondered when her heart would stop jumping every time she saw Maura, who was now busy talking to Susie, her back to the door.

Jane waited a moment and cleared her throat.

Maura turned around, face instantly lighting up with a huge smile.

Susie looked at Maura first, then at Jane's sheepish smile, raised her eyebrows as if she had just broken a petri dish and scurried out of the room, mumbling about something she forgot she had to do.

"You came!"

Jane had to make a real effort not to run and kiss her. She looked at the closed doors, crossed the room and chided her in a whisper.

"Maura, is that the  _only_  expression you could find?"

"What's wrong with saying… Oh. OH." Maura shrugged, her eyes bright with amusement. "Well, you actually-"

"Oh, forget it... Anyway…" Jane took a deep breath, summoning up all the courage she could muster. "Your message... I- I behaved like… well... Damn, Maura!  _I'm_ the one that should apologize, not you."

"But Jane… you warned me. You said you needed time to adjust, and it was very insensitive on my part not to…"

Jane ran a hand through her hair, looking at all closed doors.

"Yes, I am... edgy, but Korsak is right, and I don't want to  _ever_  take it out on you."

Maura shook her head, fleetingly wondering what Korsak had said but soon forgot about it, lost in Jane's loving eyes. She wetted her lips, unable to control the urge to kiss her.

Jane groaned. "God, please, Maura, don't do that…"

Maura grinned. "Will I'll see you tonight? Your place?"

Jane exhaled and nodded. "It's going to be a hell of a day, to judge by the start and what's coming up, so yeah, it sounds like the best plan ever."

After ensuring they were still alone, she gave Maura a soft smile and silently mouthed "I love you too."


	17. Confession

Jane left the morgue as if gravity had released its hold on her. She swapped the silly grin she was sure was plastered all over her face for a slightly badass frown and headed upstairs to meet Korsak and the Gladworth delegation.

Alone in the lift, she shook her arms and rotated her head trying to control the floaty feeling, forcing her mind to focus on getting to the bottom of Dottie and Eli's murder; she owed it to them. She had reached her floor when her phone rang.

She answered as she got out of the lift and saw Korsak standing outside the interrogation room, talking on his phone.

" _They are here."_  The voice on the phone echoed the voice ten feet from her.

"So am I." Jane said stretching her lips, hanging up and stashing her phone in the holder of her belt. "Am I late?"

Korsak shook his head, pointing at interrogation room. "They came early."

Jane followed him inside.

"Mr. Gladworth." Jane nodded at him, but her eyes were trained on the boy standing in the corner of the room, looking out onto the street. He seemed older than when she saw him in his school uniform, but it wasn't about the clothes; his face looked haggard, his hair disheveled but not in a fashionable way.

Phil Gladworth put his phone away when Jane and Korsak sat across the table, and turned his head to the window.

"Michael, sit down."

Jane's dislike for the man grew even more with the cold tone he used on his son; a 16-year-old boy called in to answer questions about his murdered grandmother.

She tried to compensate, stretching to move the empty chair away from the table.

The boy sat with carefully controlled movements, his eyes down cast.

"Hi Michael." She gave him her best smile.

Michael nodded curtly, and pulled his rucksack up onto his lap, hugging it.

"Do you know why you are here?"

The boy nodded. He tried to speak, but no sound came out.

"How close were you to Dorothy?" Jane tenderly whispered to him, badass Jane lurking in the background ready to jump on either his father or the lawyer.

Michael pressed his lips, hugging the rucksack tighter.

"It's okay. Take your time. I know how difficult this is."

The boy nodded, eyes now focused on the top handle of his pack.

Jane realized the poor boy was crushed under four pair of eyes, all waiting for him to talk, and there was nothing she could do about it. As a minor, he could not be interviewed without a parent present, and it seemed his father would not do anything without his lawyer.

She leaned forward, tilting her head trying to find his eyes.

"Would you like some water?"

Michael looked up for the first time and Jane shivered when their eyes made contact. Over dark rings, those young eyes looked haunted and lost. Forcing a polite smile, he nodded and lowered his eyes again.

Korsak put a hand on Jane's shoulder and got up. He came back a minute later with a plastic bottle of water and a mug. The noise of the door closing felt as if he had slammed it, shattering the dense, unbearable silence in the room.

Jane watched as the boy carefully opened the bottle, poured some water in the cup and took a small sip. His face told her there was something much more than just losing a grandmother weighing on him, but she needed to break through.

Was someone so young capable of delivering a double fatal dose of morphine, and on a public park bench? She had seen a lot, and knew that many psychopaths looked like well adjusted people. Maura had even dated one of those, she remembered painfully, but Michael seemed way too haunted to fit the profile.

"Michael? When was the last time you spoke to your grandmother?

The boy left the bottle and hugged his backpack again, his chin almost resting on it.

Jane looked at Korsak. He raised his eyebrows, pressing his lips, and shook his head slightly.

"Michael, I can't be here all day. Answer now." Phil Gladworth's voice boomed, startling all around the table.

Jane saw the boy tremble at the sound of his father's voice, but he did not react.

At that moment she remembered her date with Maura and the nodding game Maura had used to make her talk. It had worked on her, as crazy as it had felt at the time. Jane suppressed a proud, loving grin.

"Michael, I have an idea. I'm going to ask you questions, and I want you to nod or shake your head. Can we try it?"

The boy nodded.

"You were really close to your grandmother, right?"

Michael nodded again. Jane smiled softly.

"Did you two ever talk about her illness?"

Michael nodded.

"Did you know Elizabeth, your grandmother's friend?"

The boy suppressed a muted sob. Jane saw Phil Gladworth shift on his chair, but his lawyer put a hand on his forearm and Phil sat back down.

"Did you love her too?"

Michael nodded.

"Did she still recognize you when she saw you?"

The boy nodded again.

"Good, you are doing great, Michael. One more, okay. This is going to be a bit harder than the rest. Did your grandmother ever talk about wanting to end her pain?"

Michael ran his hand over his hair, ruffling it as if trying to erase something, and covered his eyes.

Jane realized the boy was crying, and his father's reaction was a silent scoff.

"Michael, I need you to tell me, please. It is really important."

Phil's voice exploded, making Jane wince.

"Why would she do something like that? She had everything she wanted and she wasn't in pain, the doctor said."

Jane glared at him.

"Do you actually have a heart? Let your son speak, otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"You can't do that. He's a minor." Phil shook his head in Michael's direction.

"Your lawyer can stay."

"I'm not going anywhere. You'd better make it quick; the boy needs to get back to school. You are wasting our time here."

Jane glanced at Korsak, who was just as shocked as she was. She decided not to engage in a much wanted but useless fight. She turned back to the boy.

"Michael, look at me... Did they ever talk about doing this to themselves?"

The boy lifted his head. His eyes were bloodshot, his face contorted. When he met Jane's caring eyes, a tear broke free and a quiet but very deep, manly voice came out of his mouth, startling Jane.

"I loved them so much… they were everything to me; they really loved me for who I am… their acceptance was the only good thing in my life. They were my only real family. I owe them my life."

Jane frowned; he sounded just like Donnie. She glanced at Phil; he was looking the other way, his jaw tight, his lip curled up. She extended her hand and softly touched Michael's forearm.

"What do you mean, Michael?"

He looked at his father, and spoke as if spitting the words at him. Jane took her hand away, startled.

"I'm a  _faggot_ … a poof, a sissy. Had it not been for  _them_ , I don't know what would have happened to me." His face shifted from grief to rage. "Actually, I  _do_  know; I'd be in Donnie's shelter, that's where I'd be. And I maybe should have..."

Jane stomach cramped.

Michael looked at his father, then back at Jane.

"Look at him, he can't even stand to set his eyes on me.  _That_  is what I meant."

Jane nodded, trying to hold on to the thought that she was a detective in the middle of a murder investigation.

"Michael, we think your grandmother and Elizabeth may have done this to themselves, and we need to explore this possibility. Do you know anything that can help us confirm this?"

Michael blinked again, and swallowed. Then he looked at the profile of his father, and nodded.

"Yes."

He opened his rucksack and took a folder from inside. He stretched his arm to hand it over to Jane, but the lawyer stopped him.

"My client has rights, and I am here to protect them. I must see this file first." Phil had stood up, and looked at the scene as if frozen, with his mouth open.

Michael shook his arm free from the lawyer's hand, looking at him defiantly.

"I don't give a shit about what you have to say." His voice was calm, but a tear surfaced, and he wiped it with the back of his free hand.

He turned to Jane and gave her the folder.

"It's all in here." He looked up at the camera in the upper corner of the wall, then at his father and back to Jane.

"We planned this for a long time, right after she saw her doctor and he told her…" His voice trailed off, breaking again. He wiped his nose and continued. "Gran gave me all I needed and taught me how to do it."

He took his laptop out of his bag. "I have a video you will want to see. She told me that when I confessed, I had to show it to the police together with the file. She said your technicians would be able to verify that it was an original, untouched recording, and there are papers in there to confirm that too."

The lawyer stood up to protest but Phil stopped him, his voice steely and eerily calm, then he got up and put his coat on.

"Leave him. He's no son of mine. Let's go."

The lawyer opened his mouth to protest but Phil was already out the door.

Michael fingers were idly tracing the keys of his laptop. They were shaking but he did not look up or say a word.

Korsak ran his fingers through his hair, leaning back on his chair. Jane opened the folder and shared it with him while the computer booted up.

The first piece of paper in the folder was from a Notary Public in Framingham who had served as witness to the recording of a video and the signing of a letter from Dorothy and Elizabeth.

The letter was a "To Whom It May Concern", and just as Jane began to read it, Michael spoke again.

"I'm ready."

He turned around the laptop, facing Jane and Korsak, and hit the spacebar. Jane bit her lip when she saw Dorothy and Elizabeth alive, smiling, looking at each other with all the love Donnie had so accurately conveyed.

Dorothy's voice was soft as she introduced herself and Eli, and gave a brief account of their joined history. Then they held hands, smiled at each other and Dorothy addressed the camera again.

 _"I'm dying of cancer. I have a very short time left to live, and it'll be full of pain. I'll be soon unable to travel, and unable to visit Eli, and I can't accept that. You will find all the doctors exams and a certificate with the diagnosis and prognosis of my illness."_  Dorothy then looked away from the camera, and smiled at Eli.

Jane shivered when she heard Eli speak for the first time. Her voice was firm and warm.

" _I have Alzheimer's disease, and while I still retain all my faculties, it is progressing fast."_  She looked adoringly at Dorothy.  _"I don't want to forget her. Ever. I don't want to waste away, alone. I want to be with Dorothy forever._ "

Michael was looking down, his cheeks wet. Jane pressed her fingers to her lips to hide their trembling.

Dorothy continued.

" _I have researched a way out that would be peaceful and painless, at Eli's insistence. I have the means at my disposal, the morphine – both in tablet and liquid form, but,"_ She raised her hands. " _My pulse has been unsteady for years."_ She looked up, above the lens of the camera. " _Come here, Mikey."_

Michael appeared in the frame, looking as sad as he was looking now, but the love shining in his eyes as he looked at Dorothy was heartbreaking.

" _This is our boy, my beloved grandson, Michael Gladworth. He took me to see Eli, he looked after her, after us, for years, just as we looked after him, protected him from the son-of-a-"_

 _"Language, Dottie!"_  Eli chided gently at Dottie.

Dottie nodded, smiling softly.

" _As I was saying, protected him from his father, Phil Gladworth… what an awful, awful heartless man. Anyway, we –Eli and I- were discussing our plans, our options, and he overhead us. He walked in the room and offered his help. We, of course, refused, but-"_

Michael's voice came strong and clear, interrupting Dorothy. He knelt behind them, and ran an arm over their shoulders.

" _I don't know what my life would have been like without them. I owe them my life, so how can I not give them the one thing they want the most? I don't care what will happen to me if I help them. I want to honor their final wish."_  He planted a soft kiss on their cheeks and stood aside.

" _If all goes to plan, we will not feel any pain. If you are watching this, it's because you found us on the same bench where we declared our love for each other 50 years ago to the day. We would have preferred a large party, or a trip around the world, but…"_  She shrugged. " _Our dancing shoes wore out long ago."_

Eli shook her head, smiling adoringly at Dottie, then looked at the camera and spoke again.

" _Please don't be too harsh on Michael. We know that the law is against it, but he will not take no for an answer. He is the nicest young man, with a heart of gold and a terrible, loveless family. Please, I beg you, don't lock him up and throw away the key. Please help him have the wonderful life he deserves. Please remember that if it weren't for him, Dottie would be wasting away in terrible pain, and I'd be wasting away without the wonderful memories I have of my life with her."_

They turned to each other, reaching out for the gentlest peck on the lips.

The screen went black.

Korsak and Jane sat speechless, looking at the blank screen.

"I'm sorry. Do what you have to do." Michael said, his face glistening from the tears but his voice was calm and resigned.

Jane struggled to find her voice. She blinked, trying to erase the images of those two lovely women bursting with love for each other after half a century, despite all odds.

"Why, Michael?" Jane's voice was just a broken whisper. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

He wiped his eyes, but more tears came out.

"I- I know what I did… everyone will see me as a murderer. I… just couldn't… my parents, my brother… it seemed so… noble when we planned it, when I gave them the injection… it was the right thing to do. But now… I… " A sob escaped his lips. "Fuck, I miss them so, so much… What am I going to do?"

Jane shook her head, her frown deep, the knot in her throat thick. She knew what the law said. She knew what she had to do, but she felt, for the first time in her life as a detective, profoundly sorry for someone who had committed a murder.

She looked at him, and realized that no punishment would ever be greater than the one he had inflicted upon himself.

She needed Maura, now more than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a pretty hard chapter to write... I'd love your comments... :)


	18. Frankie

Korsak's voice felt flat and defeated, as if he was on autopilot.

"Michael Gladworth, you are under arrest for the murder of Dorothy Longhorn and Elizabeth Benson. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you-"

Michael looked at Korsak and nodded. "I know The Miranda rights. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have a right to an attorney. If I cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for me. Do I get one phone call?"

Jane nodded. "Of course you do."

Korsak left the room to get a phone.

Jane leaned forward, putting her hand on Michael's forearm. "I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you had to go through, Michael."

The boy lifted his eyes, eyelashes glued together by the tears that had not stopped.

"What is going to happen to me?"

Jane shook her head and pressed her lips.

She took a deep breath. "Right now, after your call, we'll need to book you in; take your picture, finger prints, name and all that. We'll need to keep your backpack too; it's evidence now. Do you have a lawyer?"

Michael shrugged. "I'm hoping Donnie will be able to help me, if he doesn't hate me."

Korsak came back to the room with a cordless phone.

After Michael had finished the call to Donnie, he turned to Jane.

"Donnie is coming over right now."

Jane nodded. "Okay, Michael, we need to go now. I'll be with you until Donnie arrives, okay?"

Two hours later, Jane sat at her desk shuffling papers but getting no work done. She heard her stomach go all origami on her, but she couldn't stomach the thought of food. Leaning on one elbow, she rubbed her forehead trying to erase the images of Dottie and Eli, and Michael kissing them, and his father saying he had no son.

She stiffened when she felt a hand on her back.

"I'm fine, Korsak." Jane said, not looking up.

"I'm not Korsak, and you are not fine. Let's go out for a walk, Jane."

Jane turned around and found Maura's troubled yet caring face holding her with her eyes.

She grabbed her coat, and a blur later they were about to cross the security point at the entrance, Maura's hand gently on her waist almost as if guiding her.

"Jane!" Frankie's voice startled her. "Wait up!"

Frankie caught up to them. "Jane, we need to talk…"

"Is it a case?"

"No, it's…" His thumb pointed at the Division One Café, and then his index pointed at Jane. Frankie looked at Maura's hand; she retrieved it slowly, as if casually.

"Not now, Frankie."

Maura stepped in, trying to soften the harshness of Jane's answer. "Jane had a very difficult morning with her case…. I'm taking her out to lunch."

Frankie tilted his head, a line clearly showing in his brow. "Okay, I'll catch you later then."

As they hit the street, Jane turned to Maura.

"Ma shot her mouth again."

"Even if she did, the worst that can happen is that he is hurt because you didn't tell him. But let's not worry about that now."

They walked in silence, Maura refraining from holding Jane's arm, or even touching her. She took them to a little trattoria further away from the station. The waiter guided them to the only secluded private booth.

Jane looked at the busy place and the empty table. "Did you…?"

Maura nodded. "I though we could use some privacy and comfort food."

Jane smiled with an unexpected surge of intense love pouring over the confusion and the heartache. She sat at the table, turning the napkin between her fingers as if shuffling her feelings back in order.

"Did Korsak…?"

Maura nodded. "He came to see me while you were with Michael, booking him. It is a very unfortunate situation."

"It  _sucks_."

Maura covered Jane's hand with her own, making her release the napkin and part of the tension.

"You had no choice, Jane."

"He is so young! They'll treat him as an adult because he is over 14, so technically what he did was murder."

"It's a very sensitive subject, Jane. Remember that The Death with Dignity Initiative had 49% in favor in the 2012 general election ballot; just two points less than those against. Maybe that will count for something in the trial?"

Jane shook her head. "You know…. I never really gave it a thought before now. It seemed so clear then, so black and white. If you take someone's life, then it's murder. But now… you should have seen them in that video."

Jane held Maura's hand and gently caressed it, not caring if anyone saw her.

"Sometimes I feel like I live in this world of black and white. Killers and victims, good and evil, rich and working class, gay and straight. And look at us; we can't be any more different if we tried. I still don't feel gay and I still don't like that stuff you call modern art. And yet I am…"

"In love with me?" Maura grinned.

Jane laughed. "I was gonna say so happy that we are… together, but yes, I am."

She lifted Maura's hand and touched it with her lips, not breaking eye contact, and then whispered. "Yes. I am in love with you."

The waiter cleared his throat.

They laughed, but they didn't break the contact.

Lunch was not hurried, but Jane was restless and too quiet.

Maura broke the silence softly.

"What are you going to do?"

Jane shrugged. "What can  _I_  do? The press is going to have a field day with this one. Shit. Michael… he's already marked for life; god knows what the media shit storm is going to do to him. Let alone jail…"

Jane laced her fingers with Maura's.

"You know… Watching that video, I kept thinking of you… of us. I thought that this," Jane lifted slightly their linked hands. "That it was weird." A scoff melted into a sad smile. "It  _is_  strange, completely unexpected, but it feels like… like we have what they had, you know? How could I not see it before?"

Maura smiled, entranced by Jane's rare display of emotions. "Well, I don't think it happened overnight. I think it grew over time. I have wondered in the past what it would feel like to kiss a woman, to be with a woman, but somehow I never met anyone that compelled me to do it, so I decided that it was not for me. Until I kissed you, of course. It just felt so… right."

Jane remembered that night in her bedroom, when they were drinking wine and discussing the Merch case.

"You once asked me which type of women we'd like if we were into women..."

"Did I? Oh, must have been when I opened your profile on the lesbian dating site."

"You told me I wasn't your type."

Maura laughed. "You were not. My type always had a heightened sensitivity for art and knowledge and a penis and-"

"Ew, Maura… So if I'm not your type, how can this be possible?"

"I  _thought_  I had a type. If you remember, I once told you about my dating field study."

Jane smirked. "Yeah. You concluded that there was no perfect man for you out there."

"And you told me once that what I think of as a perfect man was an average woman."

"So your field study now concludes that I'm an average woman  _and_  your perfect man?"

Maura laughed. "The conclusion to the study now is that my hypothesis was faulty, and I had not taken all variables into account. You know, some of the greatest discoveries were made by accident. Take for instance corn flakes. Will Keith Kellogg had a brother who was a doctor. He used to help him out by cooking for his patients. One day, by mistake, he left boiled wheat sitting outside for hours. He cooked it anyway to see what would happen, and that is how corn flakes were born."

"Oh, that was  _so_  romantic." Jane rolled her eyes, and leaned over to gently kiss Maura.

"Wow. You didn't look around first."

Jane lifted her eyebrows, pleasantly surprised. "You're right. Then again, this is not BPD…" She grinned and signaled the waiter to bring the bill.

"I wish we could go home now… but I have a ton of paper work waiting for me."

As they walked into BPD, Jane felt defiant, strong and even taller, but needing no badass suit to hide how well she felt inside despite the underlying heartache about Michael's situation.

Of course, nobody paid attention to them; it was just like any other day, Maura and her walking in together after lunch. It was right there and then when it dawned on her that all she had to do was to stop  _thinking_  about it, and start…well…  _living_ it.

The warm, fuzzy feeling crashed against the wall of Frankie's sour face as she entered the bullpen. He waited until she sat down at her desk, then he walked up to her and leaned over, reaching down to whisper in her ear.

"I have a hit-and-run in the morgue. I wonder if your  _girlfriend_  has any news for me. Did she tell you or were you too busy to talk?"

Jane felt a surge of heat riding on a wave of anger, but he was gone before she could react. She closed the file in her hands and rushed downstairs.

She saw Frankie talking with Maura when she reached the morgue. As Jane opened the door, he stepped aside and ran his hands over his hair, looking away.

"Both of you, my office, now." Maura's voice was hard, startling Jane.

When all of them were inside her office, Maura locked the door and closed the blinds.

"I hope you two are mature enough to keep your voices down. This is  _my_  workplace, I have a team of people out there I have no interest whatsoever listening to a family dispute."

Frankie lowered his head, while Jane gritted her teeth to stop the surge of arousal that Maura's tone of voice had triggered despite the awkward situation.

"Sit down, Frankie." Maura pointed at the Rashid couch. She settled on her couch, and signaled Jane to sit next to her.

Jane felt the masks on the walls had all their empty eyes trained on them, making her shiver.

"What did Ma say, Frankie?"

"She was upset, so I asked her. She told me she felt so ashamed of herself for not supporting you two. She said she felt selfish, and that she  _was_ really glad you two were now together."

Maura smiled, relief flooding her chest to learn that Angela was not upset with them being together.

Jane's voice came hushed but harsh. "So what is the problem with  _you_?" Maura rested her hand gently on Jane's thigh.

Frankie looked at that hand with the same little angry eyes Jane remembered seeing when she stole the basketball from his hands and scored point after point into the hoop at their parent's house.

"She didn't tell you, did she?" Frankie spat at Jane between closed teeth.

Jane raised her eyebrows at Frankie and then looked at Maura.

"Who didn't tell me  _what_?"

"We kissed. Maura liked me. We had something," Frankie glared at Jane. "But Saint Jane got in the way."

He then turned to Maura. "You said we couldn't be together because I was like your brother. But you don't mind doing your  _sister_?"

Maura winced, and Jane stared at her mouth opened in surprise.

"What? When?"

Maura closed her eyes, biting her lip as memories of something so long forgotten flooded her consciousness. It suddenly became so clear… the attraction she thought she felt for Frankie, and before for Tommy, had been just a shadow of what she now felt for Jane. It made sense. She wasn't a lesbian, so she had channeled her attraction for Jane to the little pieces of Jane she found in each of her brothers.

"I'm sorry, Frankie. I… didn't know."

"Maura,  _when_  did you kiss my brother? And Frankie, I  _told_  you to stay away from her!"

"So that's it! That's why! You two were…" His index finger swiped the air back and forth between them.

"God NO, Frankie! It wasn't like that! Maura… when did you kiss Frankie?" Jane's heart felt like it was exploding in her ears, her voice hoarse barely more than a whisper.

"Actually, he kissed  _me_. I don't know, I can't remember… It was last year, after the coffee machine bomb scare."

The receding rush of adrenaline left Jane's lips tingling, her stomach clenched at the thought of Maura kissing her brother. Her breathing started to steady but she still felt dizzy.

"How long, Jane?"

"What?"

"How long have you two…?"

 _How long have I been in love with Maura?_ Memories of their closeness over the years rushed at neck breaking speed.  _When did I not love Maura?_ She remembered the love she felt while holding Maura's hands after Hoyt told her that they were the same. She remembered feeling how adorable Maura looked every time she got exasperated with her google-wiki-mouth blurting useless facts, or how gorgeous she looked in that red dress when she first bought it, or how good it felt to hold her, protecting her.

Jane closed her eyes and covered them with one hand while reaching to feel Maura's hand on her thigh with the other.

"I don't know, Frankie. Maybe forever but I- we… last week?"

She lifted her head and met his eyes. He was hurting, and she was the cause of it.

"We didn't know, Frankie, not until last week. I'm sorry… I should have-"

"Yeah, you should have, Jane. But what's new?" The anger in Frankie's voice was now gone, replaced by a defeated whisper. "Big Sis Jane, star detective, pillar of the family, of course she would also get the girl."

Jane's mouth fell open, sadness stretching her brow up.

"Is  _that_  what this is all about? Oh god, Frankie, how can you say that?"

She got up and knelt next to him, holding his hands.

"Frankie, look at me. This is not about  _you_ , and I'm so,  _so_  very sorry you feel like that. I love you, and this is  _not_  a competition. This is not it… Everything you have done, everything you have achieved is because you fought and worked  _so_  hard. You should  _really_  stop trying to measure yourself up to me… I'm such a screw up, and everybody thinks I'm this hero, this… but I'm not. I'm just a normal girl trying to be good at my job, and blown away by something really good I never saw coming. We did  _not_  plan this. It was just so… unexpected."

Franked looked up, pressing his lips as if he were measuring his words.

"How can you tell me that Maura was like family, that I should not go there, and then… you…"

Jane huffed. "And you think I didn't ask myself that?" She turned to Maura. "I was afraid this might happen… but Maura-

"I told her that you love her no matter what, Frankie. I know you do." Her smile was so sincere, so open than Frankie lowered his head, embarrassed.

"Well… yeah. It's just… It's a lot to take in, you know. I…" He scratched his chin. "I'm not that stupid, you know. You two are kind of… made for each other."

He looked at Jane. "I'm sorry, Janey. I know I'm an ass, the little brother in the shadow of the big sis. But Ma told me you were very happy, like she's never seen you before."

Jane turned to Maura and rejoiced in those loving eyes.

"Yes, I am. It took some getting used to it, but… I am."

"Will you forgive me?" Frankie asked, his head bowed down, addressing them both and no one in particular.

Jane gently squeezed his shoulder and kissed his forehead.

"How could I not?"


	19. Full Circle

Maura approached Jane, offered her a nice, cold beer and gently caressed her back with her free hand. Jane instantly stiffened.

"You don't have to do that, you know…" Angela told her, her eyes seemingly fixed on the onions browning on the stove.

Jane left the peeler on the counter and took a swig of her beer. "I don't have to peel any more potatoes? Yeah!"

"Funny, Jane. I mean you don't have to keep your distance from Maura when I'm around… I am okay with it, you know."

"What? I don't, and I know you're fine." Jane did a double take and really looked at her mother this time. "Are you fine,  _really_  fine?"

Angela feigned offense. "Of course I am. How could I not be? Look at you… I've never seen either of you so happy."

Maura wiped her hands, walked again over to Jane and hugged her from behind. Jane stiffened, choking on her beer.

"I'm afraid Angela may have a point, Jane." Maura grinned and planted a silent, soft kiss on Jane's cheek before going back to chopping tomatoes.

"What is this? Gang up on Jane Day? I am  _not_ distant, I'm not into PDAs, is all." Jane took a good, slow swig from the bottle, hiding the inner happiness to see her Ma finally coming around and being truly happy for them.

Actually, she felt elated. Jane looked at Maura and her Ma cooking away and it felt like nothing had changed and yet, her life had changed so much in one month that she didn't recognize herself at times. She was still battling with those fleeting moments of detachment when she saw herself burning with desire for Maura and acting on it, or being as mushy as anyone can possibly be, and wondered what the hell had happened to her. But then, having Maura as close as she did now was the best feeling in her entire life. She still did not comprehend how could she have flipped like that, but she had stopped caring. Her renewed bucket list now started with an item from Maura's list, and nothing else mattered.

The doorbell startled her out of her reveries and she went back to peeling the potatoes while Maura answered the door.

Jane couldn't hear anything and thought it must be another delivery, then she saw a familiar figure out of the corner of her eye. The potato peeler fell from her hands.

"Casey?"

Everyone stood silent for while, all eyes trained on Jane's frozen figure.

Maura was still struggling for air but remained impassible. Despite feeling slightly dizzy, she pushed herself to break the ice and offered him a drink, which he politely refused. Time oozed by until Casey cleared his throat, startling everyone. His voice –although soft- seemed to reverberate in the stillness of the room, startling everyone.

"I've been calling you at home for days." He grimaced, more and more uncomfortable as the seconds progressed. "I guess a phone call just didn't feel right."

Angela was the first to react. She wiped her hands on the apron and approached him.

"It's nice to see you, Casey." She gave him a quick hug, tapping his back twice. If Jane hadn't been thrown out of balance, she would have recognized her mother's "I am not happy to see you" trademark hug. All she could see was Maura's blank face, and her insides twisted even more.

Angela excused herself with some excuse Jane did not quite hear, and left. Jane saw how Maura followed her Ma out the back door.

Jane found a surge of anger giving back her voice.

"Why are you here, Casey?" The whisper was barely audible, her broken voice betraying the whirlwind inside.

He shrugged, his soft face tightened by the worse-than-expected reception.

"I'm back in town. I wanted to see how you were doing." He delivered the line as if it was the most obvious and natural reason in the world.

"You could have warned me…"

"Warn you? Why? I still love and care for you, and that can never change, no matter what."

Jane took a deep breath. "It's been… how long, Casey? Not a word from you, nothing. And now you just show up? At Maura's?"

"I kept in touch with your mother. I had to see you. I..." His smile broke when he saw the anger in Jane's face.

"You did what?! How dare you involve her?"

Casey took a step forward and stopped when Jane took a step back. He nodded and looked down. "It wasn't my idea. She contacted me when you wouldn't." He took a small step forward but Jane did not move. The closeness brought with it a whiff of his scent, riding over the soft accent that once had melted her, and Jane felt squashed between two worlds, two lifetimes. In a split second, thousands of images flashed in her mind, feelings she thought gone resurfacing as if no time had gone by, forcing her to take a step back and seek the support of the high stool.

He approached her as the back door opened.

When Maura saw the ghostly look on Jane's face, she rushed to hold her, a hand on her back, another on her shoulder.

"Do you want some water?"

Jane shook her head, her eyes still closed and feeling dizzier to have both Casey and Maura next to her – fawning over her, to be exact. The rhythmic, soft caresses along her back soothed her. She forced herself to focus on that loving contact, and let her weight rest on Maura's reassuring arms. She covered Maura's hand with her own and realized Maura was trembling. She looked up and saw the deep pool of emotions bubbling in those hazel eyes. At that precise moment, she knew what she had to do.

Without breaking eye contact with Maura, Jane spoke again.

"I'm fine, Casey. Actually, I'm better than fine. I've never been better in my life… thanks to Maura."

Maura breathed out softly, riding a smile that enveloped Jane.

Jane turned to Casey and saw the puzzled crease on his forehead.

"We are together, Casey. Maura and I." The words left Jane out of their own will, shocking not just her. She could have never imagined that she'd be saying that, let alone to Casey. And instead of feeling weird, it felt just right.

It was right in a way her love for Casey had never felt.

Casey's face barely registered what he had just heard. The crease in his brow deepened slightly while his eyes moved questioning from Jane to Maura and back.

Maura was still looking at Jane, and Casey saw in her eyes the confirmation he needed.

He nodded, swallowing, realizing that he wasn't as surprised as he should have been. It had always been Maura, and now he knew it at a conscious level. He wanted to know if Maura had been the reason why, but Jane's eyes told him that he no longer had a place in her life, or the right to ask her that – or anything else.

"I'm happy for you, Jane. It's really good to see that you are well. That's all I wanted to know. I'm sorry I barged in on you."

After a few beats Jane relaxed and nodded, seeing in front of her the man that she almost married, the father of her lost child. He felt like a hologram, a ghost of a past life boxing within its space all the memories, the pain, a childhood dream. Next to her stood Maura, real and more solid than anything in her entire life.

 

*    *    *

 

Maura let Jane's fingers trace the outlines of her face gently, over and over again, reveling behind closed eyelids. She basked in the loving touch, feeling the tension, panic even, ebb away.

"Are you okay?" The whispered words were tentative.

Maura opened her eyes and smiled with them. She lifted her head and reached out to Jane, stopping briefly before their lips made contact. It was soft, unhurried, and full of the yes she didn't want belittled with words.

Maura parted enough to focus on Jane's eyes. They were clouded with unclear emotions and thoughts. Casey's visit had lasted less than 10 minutes and yet the world had stood still for a lifetime. So much had happened, so little resolved. Jane, true to her style, had never really dealt with it. It had all ebbed away, and ultimately locked inside never to be spoken again. Now the lid had burst open, and it all had become real again.

Maura waited, holding Jane tight, feathering her skin with a trail of tiny kisses; a caress of lips on skin. She knew Jane would probably not share any thoughts and emotions, so she chose to absorb the fact that Jane was in her arms, that she had told Casey about them, and that he was gone and that this time, she had faced him. That is why she was so startled when she heard Jane speak.

"We are getting too old to have a baby." Jane said almost to herself.

Maura stared at Jane, her eyes wide. Jane's analytical mind made her the greatest detective, but it was almost impossible at times to follow her chain of thoughts.

Jane looked up and met Maura's puzzled face.

"Oh, come on, Maur. Don't tell me you never thought of that…"

"Well, yes, I have, but what makes you say that now?"

"We never really talked about it."

Maura raised her eyebrows, stressed about her disconcerting inability to formulate a coherent thought.

"Do you want to have a baby?"

"It would have been so different if the baby had been  _our_  baby." Jane stated flatly.

Maura felt a surge of emotions push against her chest, her eyes. She held Jane as tight as she could until she heard a whimper. She released Jane, who struggled for air.

"Okay, okay, I won't talk babies again, I promise. Just get Hulk on a leash, please."

Their laughter was cut short by their phones ringing almost in unison.

Jane got to her phone first. "Rizzoli."

Jane reached out to Maura and started nibbling her ear as she answered her phone.

"Jane! Isles, I mean, Dr. Isles speaking."

Jane covered her phone's mic and whispered in Maura's ear.

"If we got married, then we would both have to answer "Rizzoli-Isles", right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here are, the end of the story. Hope you enjoyed it. I'd love to hear your thoughts :)


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